Men Who Are Self-Absorbed And Scummy Have These 11 Personality Traits
The worst part is they don't even realize how scummy they are.
Janko Ferlic G | Unsplash Every woman has a Scumbag Radar that goes off when they get an 'ick' feeling about a guy — even if everyone else is too blinded by his overly smiley veneer to see him for what he is.
Want to avoid a relationship with a self-absorbed, scummy man? Watch for these personality traits of a man who's a scumbag and not at all what he seems.
Men who are self-absorbed and scummy have these personality traits:
1. He puts in a lot of work to be a pillar of society, but not for the right reasons
Though this is not always true, it’s been my personal experience that the worst human beings often choose jobs and roles that make them well-respected community leaders — and they do that so they can have a good cover to continue to be horrible to others.
John Wayne Gacy was a Boy Scout leader and major volunteering guru. John Edwards, who cheated on his wife while she had cancer, was a politician. So, there are a lot of examples in this genre.
2. He seems fake-happy all the time
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Some men don't seem to have any mood aside from being happy and don’t ever really seem to be genuine about their happiness. While he did smile, it never showed in his eyes. It felt plastic, almost like a cheap marketing campaign to get people to like him.
Continuously faking happiness can lead to negative consequences, including emotional dissonance, increased stress, and a misrepresentation of one's actual emotional state, potentially hindering mental health support. An American Psychological Association (APA) study concluded that if you're struggling with bottling up your emotions or constantly faking happiness, it's essential to open up to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist.
3. He markets himself as 'one of the good guys'
The more someone tells you that he’s such a great guy, the warier you should be of him. Unfortunately, when it’s accompanied by a handsome face or a nice career, we tend to ignore our better judgments of this.
If he regularly talks about how much volunteering he does, how wholesome he is, or how kind he is, watch out. Chances are that he’s overcompensating for the kind of person he is.
4. He thrives in social situations that are toxic to others
The only people who tend to fare well in toxic environments are toxic. This is doubly true in social groups that tend to be misogynistic or bro-ish, primarily because these kinds of scenes tend to put guys with toxic mindsets in power. Even if he seems nice, a man who thrives in a toxic social scene isn’t likely to be what he appears to be.
5. He stops talking to you when you don’t do what he wants
At first, this may seem reasonable, but you know what? It’s not. People are not wind up toys that you can program to perform for your fun.
As long as someone is respectful, you should be willing to talk to them or at least acknowledge their existence. If he can’t even do that, it's one of the signs he's a scumbag.
6. He seems superficial, as if you know you don’t know the real him
When you talk to a person who is honest about who they are, you will likely have hard-hitting conversations and learn about them as a human being. With guys who tend to be secret scumbags, you won’t get that.
You won’t ever get to know much about him, or ever really hear about him being upset or even concerned for anything. It will be a way more superficial chat, and that’s for a reason. The reason why is that he’s a scumbag deep down inside, and he knows he’s a scumbag.
Feeling like you don't know the real him can stem from various psychological factors, including identity crisis, depersonalization, or even relationship-specific issues like impostor syndrome, where you question your partner's genuine intentions. A 2018 study recommended open and honest communication with your partner can help address relationship-specific problems and build trust.
7. He’s image-obsessed
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People who are secret scumbags cannot, under any circumstances, have people realize how scummy they are. If others pick up on it, all the power they wield over people vanishes, and being able to get away with the scumbag stuff they do gets a lot harder.
As a result, guys who are scumbags will often cultivate an attractive, popular image and protect it with their lives. If you notice that he puts an abnormally high amount of time and effort into his physique, his social status, or his image, chances are high that he’s hiding something underneath that.
8. He ends any conversation he doesn't want to have
I call this the “Politician Exit,” primarily because it’s exactly what politicians do when they’re involved in a scandal. Beware of any guy who shuts down conversations this way, because it tends to mean that they have a really ugly side to their character or that they are cheaters.
An APA study found that a man's refusal to discuss his relationship status can stem from various factors, including shame, fear of conflict, and a desire to avoid vulnerability or perceived adverse outcomes. Different communication styles can lead to misunderstandings and conflict, with one partner's preference for direct communication clashing with the other's preference for indirect communication.
9. He makes you feel crazy
When you’re around someone who’s not a good person, you’ll often feel conflicted or even a little crazy. You usually won’t want to talk to them, but will feel like you’re “being rude” or “being weird” by not doing so. You might also feel like you have to stay silent when you want to complain about them, out of fear of social repercussions.
10. He plays the victim
Does he always seem like the victim, regardless of how good he has it? Does the entire world seem to be against him, for no apparent reason? Usually, scumbags tend to be the ones who play the victim card the hardest. On a similar note, heavily contradictory stories may mean he's a liar and a cheater.
11. He gives your gut a bad vibe
Most of the time, if you get a bad feeling from someone, you need to listen to that feeling. Instinct is rarely wrong, and if you feel he’s a secret scumbag, he probably is one.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.