People Who Remain Mentally Strong As They Age Adopt These 10 Habits, According To Psychology
Prioritize your mental health as you get older and (hopefully) wiser.
Rido | Canva People who remain mentally strong as they age are often called cognitive super-agers. Per research, they demonstrate a remarkable ability to maintain sharp mental function well into their later years, defying the typical age-related decline in brainpower. These people often perform exceptionally well on memory tests compared to others their age. Those who remain mentally strong usually nurture their relationships and social connections.
Memory and other cognitive changes can be frustrating, but the good news is that you can learn how to keep your mind active. They understand the importance of staying connected with others, which benefits their cognitive health. Regular interactions with family, friends, and community members stimulate our brains. There are steps you can take to reduce your risk of cognitive decline and help maintain your mental health.
People who remain mentally strong as they age adopt these habits:
1. They think and speak kindly to themselves
We're so hard on our poor selves. We think that we're motivating, that we're being humble, but in reality? We're total jerks. We say things to ourselves, right in the mirror, that we'd never say to someone we love. We think hurtful thoughts and then believe those thoughts are true.
We berate ourselves for all the ways we're lacking, all the things we should have done or said. We speak to ourselves in a way that we'd never tolerate from a friend.
Be your friend. Change the way you talk to yourself. Try a softer approach — the way a mother would nurture a small child. It's not easy to change those hard-wired thought patterns, but give it a try. Right now. Look at yourself the way you'd look at a friend. Say something kind. It has the power to change your entire perspective.
2. They laugh at unkind thoughts
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There's this notion in the self-help/spiritual realm that we can and should eradicate that primal, fear-based "ego" that likes to feed us lies and illusions. That the ego is "bad," and attachment is "bad," and YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T BE SO ANGRY, YAH KNOW. And so, what happens? We inevitably slip up, as we all do, and then think things like, "Ugh what is wrong with me?!"
Nothing is wrong with us. We have biological realities here in these bodies. We have experienced conditionings and evolutionary reactions that are completely out of our control.
Being at odds with a part of myself never felt very loving and so I stopped fighting them, judging them. I started laughing at them instead. Sometimes I do something stupid or fall into a self-constructed mind trap and think, That's such a Michelle thing to do, and laugh it away.
Adding a little humor and shaking my head with a smile makes everything feel lighter. It's like I'm ruffling the hair of the silly thought — "Oh, you again!" — and then nudging it away, off to play, like I would a child. That seems to unstick the thought and lets a little more love back in.
Past studies indicated that self-deprecation was connected to adverse outcomes such as low self-esteem and increased anxiety. However, some research suggests that this type of humor may improve emotional well-being if used appropriately. Laughter has been shown to have several stress-fighting benefits, including reducing stress hormones, relaxing the body, and improving immune function. Laughing at yourself can keep you from taking things too seriously. It also has many potential benefits, including improved mental health, stress management, and self-expression.
3. They hug themselves
Oh boy, you just tuned out, didn't you? Did this just get too hippy-dippy for you? But think about it: How often do you touch and care for the body you're in? Give yourself a little squeeze, with gratitude.
Touch and feel your skin when you're showering, paying attention to your body (rather than letting your mind wander). Shoot yourself a wink in the mirror. Hug your body. It does a lot for you, dammit.
4. They forgive themselves
True self-forgiveness takes time, perspective, and usually a little therapy. But it's something you can work on right now. Sometimes the simple act of asking yourself, "What can I forgive?" — maybe writing it in a journal and just thinking about the question — will open yourself up. Look at your face in the mirror and say, "I forgive you."
Let go of the grudge. Forgive your past choices. Lend yourself compassion for your story, knowing that it's only a story.
Learning to forgive oneself can significantly improve mental health by reducing feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety. This can lead to increased self-esteem, life satisfaction, and overall well-being. A 2024 systemic review investigated the effectiveness of structured self-forgiveness interventions, often involving acknowledging the offense, accepting responsibility, and actively letting go of negative emotions.
5. They play
Despite how we act and think, we are playful creatures. Every last one of us. Every time you laugh or dance or act joyful and silly, that's an act of love toward your true nature. Do something that fills you up, without judgment.
Take a hula-hooping class, try belly dancing, and hit the ski slopes. Find time to nurture that playful side of yourself.
6. They cut toxic people from your life
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You deserve to be surrounded by people who lift you. Period.
A 2021 study found that removing toxic people from your life can significantly benefit your mental and physical well-being by reducing stress, improving self-esteem, boosting mood, and promoting overall emotional stability. The constant negativity and emotional drain associated with toxic relationships can contribute to depression and anxiety. Removing these influences can lead to improved mood and overall emotional well-being.
7. They dismantle their walls
Most of us have walls in place — walls we built as children to protect ourselves, and to feel safe in an unstable or confusing environment. It was a matter of survival.
And yet as we grow up, we realize those walls don't keep us protected; they keep us isolated. They're so tall and thick that love can't get into our hearts. As much as we want to love ourselves and others, we can't understand love if we don't know how to accept it.
This isn't something you can do rightthisverysecond because wall dismantling takes time. But you can book a therapy session.
You can take an honest look at why and how you built your walls. You can set an intention to slowly take them down, eventually realizing the truth: They were always imaginary.
8. They say no
No to the incessant people pleasing. No to eating leftover scraps and putting your needs last. No to the obligations that deplete us, cost us, hurt us. Learning how and when to say NO is an incredible act of love toward yourself.
Saying no can significantly benefit mental health by allowing individuals to set boundaries, prioritize their needs, reduce stress, boost self-esteem, and cultivate healthier relationships. A 2023 study concluded it acts as a form of self-care and empowerment by asserting personal autonomy and valuing time and energy.
9. They celebrate themselves
Too often we brush away our accomplishments for fear of being too self-indulgent or narcissistic. But screw all that! Pop the champagne. Eat the cake. Crank up the music and celebrate YOU.
10. They accept themselves exactly as they are
It's the hardest and easiest thing you'll ever do (and it's also the most loving): Just be. Allow whatever feelings you're having to just happen. Allow the pressure-cooker explosion of pent-up emotions to happen.
Cry when you need to cry. Embrace your anxiety and brokenness. Let go of the hard-fought battle with SHOULDs and self-constructed expectations. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to just accept yourself.
Self-acceptance is significantly linked to improved mental health, including reduced anxiety and depression, increased resilience, better emotional regulation, and greater life satisfaction. A 2019 study found that embracing one's flaws and imperfections without judgment allows one to feel more positive about oneself and cope more effectively with life challenges.
Put down the self-improvement projects, and the self-help books, and sing yourself a love song. Remind yourself that you're okay; you've always been okay.
Self-love isn't something for you to do; it's something for you to experience. And when you do — when you slightly shift to a more loving and kind perspective — the way you see the world will shift, too. It just might change ... everything.
Michelle Horton is a writer and advocate. Through the Nicole Addimando Community Defense Committee, she speaks out for her sister and the countless other victims of domestic violence criminalized for their acts of survival. She's the author of Dear Sister: A Memoir of Secrets, Survival, and Unbreakable Bonds.