Mom Asks If She's Wrong For Threatening To Take Back Her Daughter's College Fund After The Teen Said She Plans To Go 'No Contact'
The teenager is accusing her mom of "smothering" her.
fizkes | Shutterstock A mother is grappling with a tough decision regarding her daughter’s college fund. According to the mom, her teenage daughter informed her that once she goes off to college, she will be going “no contact” with her since she is displeased with her mother’s parenting.
In response, her mom decided to withhold her college funds, and the teen believes that she is being unreasonable.
The mother decided to withhold her daughter’s college fund after she declared that she would be going ‘no contact’ with her.
Sharing her story to Reddit, the devastated mother revealed that she has two children, 18-year-old Ella and 16-year-old Jake.
Since the death of her husband, the woman has worked hard to raise the two kids on her own and support them emotionally and financially. “My husband left behind a life insurance policy, and I’ve been saving part of that money for their college education,” the woman wrote.
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Since her daughter was young, the mom reports that she has always wanted to attend a “prestigious” college.
“We’ve had many talks about how important education is, and I made sure she knew that the fund I was building for her and Jake was specifically for their education,” she shared. “I wasn’t able to afford luxuries like vacations or new cars, but I wanted to make sure they wouldn’t be burdened with student loans.”
The mom said her relationship with her daughter became strained after she started dating her boyfriend, Matt.
“I feel like her personality has completely changed since. She’s become distant, rude, and dismissive of anything I say,” the mom shared. “She’s said hurtful things like I ‘smother her’ or ‘treat her like a child.’”
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While the woman has tried giving Ella her space, the two got into a particularly bad argument recently, and Ella declared that she would be going “no contact” with her mom once she went off to college.
“I was devastated. After everything I sacrificed, to hear that she’d cut me out was heartbreaking,” the woman wrote. “I didn't want to react out of emotion, so I waited a few days to cool off, but eventually, I made the decision that if she truly wanted nothing to do with me, then I wasn’t going to fund her education.”
The woman informed Ella that she would be using her college fund to split costs for things between her and her son Jake.
However, Ella said that her mom is using the money as a way to “control” her and “dangling it over her head.”
The mom has received mixed opinions from her loved ones regarding the situation. “Some say I’m within my rights because the money is mine and I can do with it what I see fit. Others say that I’m punishing her for her feelings and that I’m being controlling by using the money as leverage,” she shares.
Now, the mom is asking Reddit if she is truly the one in the wrong.
Most people believed that the mother was within her rights to withhold money from her daughter if she was going no contact with her.
“No contact would mean no financial contact too, why is your daughter so surprised that you’d financially cut her off when she cuts contact with you,” One Redditor noted.
“She's either dependent on you, or she's not. She can't have both,” another user commented.
“She is going no contact after college so you are supposed to put up with her disrespectful behavior for at least 4 years? No. If she wants to be free, that means free of your money and support,” another user wrote.
Others argued that the mom was leaving out crucial details as to why her daughter suddenly wanted to go no contact, not specifying how she was being smothered and treated like a child.
Some even suggested that she could be in an abusive and controlling relationship with her boyfriend, which was influencing her relationship with her mom.
No matter what the whole story is, others chose to focus on a key takeaway regarding college funds: Parents are not obligated to pay for their children’s college education.
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“First off, not every family could afford to pay,” Sarah Tippett, editor of Homeschool Base, told Nitro College. “And, most importantly, not everyone needs to go to college or straight to college out of high school.” (But that’s another conversation!)
While parents should strive to save money for their children’s future, even when they reach the age of 18, there is no legal obligation to fund their child’s education.
Even though children are entitled to change their relationships with their parents once they turn 18, they can expect the dynamics and expectations within those relationships to change as well.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.