Mom Says She's Shocked After Her 21-Year-Old Son Goes 'No Contact' After He Insisted That She Stop Tracking His Location At College
She claimed that she just wants to make sure her son is safe while he's at school, but he feels that his independence is being infringed upon.
Eren Li | Pexels There's a recent trend among college parents and their helicopter tendencies when their children are out of the house and away at school trying to become independent.
One mom posted to a college parenting Facebook group and expressed her disbelief and concern after her 21-year-old son admitted that he didn't want to speak with her anymore because she was constantly tracking his location. Her story, which was reposted on Reddit, elicited strong reactions from others, who claimed that she needed to "chill out."
Her 21-year-old son went 'no contact' after insisting she stop tracking his location at college.
In her post, the mom, who remained anonymous, explained that her son recently turned 21 and was starting his last year in college. The two recently got into a rather big fight after he confided in both her and his father that he didn't want his location to be tracked anymore.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock
"We have tried to reason with him and reminded him these apps have helped so many families when kids get into accidents. He goes to school across the country in a dangerous area, but he insisted that we are just exaggerating about the danger and that he was going to delete the apps no matter what," she wrote.
When they didn't argue with him about deleting the apps, his parents said they would be paying his tuition, housing, flights to come home, and phone bills, which would all have tracking on them anyway. Upon hearing that, her son claimed that she could just take him off of their phone plan, and he would figure out a way to pay for his own tuition because he was sick and tired of them tracking his location all of the time.
This young man isn't a freshman just spreading his wings, which seems to be an important detail his parents are neglecting to remember. Regardless of who is footing the educational bills, he is entitled to his independence.
voronaman | Shutterstock
He told his parents that he would just pay them back for the tuition they'd already paid. At first, she assumed he was joking but quickly realized that he wasn't when she and her husband could no longer access the tuition portal.
"I thought he was just acting out but then he sent back all of the tuition and housing we have paid. We tried to reach out but he also blocked us on everything."
She questioned whether she should fly out to his school to find him and try to reconcile.
She expressed how sad she is over this situation and that if someone were to have asked her prior to this, she would've thought that the relationship she had with her son was "great," but now, it doesn't seem that way.
She admitted that the tracking issue hadn't come up since his freshman year when she and her husband had a serious conversation with their son about the need for it.
"What should we do? Should we fly out and find him? Call a friend or roommate? The more time that passes, the more anxious I feel," she remarked. "Can someone who has been in this kind of situation before please advise?"
It's more than natural for parents to feel concerned for their children, especially when they're going to school so far away from home. But that's just the reality of being a parent. There is no age your child will reach where you won't be worried about what they're doing and if they're okay. It's important to recognize, however, that you can't assuage your anxiety at the expense of your child. It's just something parents have to sit with.
According to Dr. Natalie Jedacek, a pediatrician at Akron Children’s Pediatrics, when it comes to adult children, “It can be very hard to let go." Adding, “It’s the first opportunity to let your child be an adult and do things on their own without you.” That doesn't justify hovering, however.
Dr. Jedacek continued, “Every parent has some level of anxiety when their child goes off to college. However, if it starts affecting their daily lives, they are constantly calling, having trouble focusing, or crying all the time; these are signs it’s time to contact a professional for help.”
It's important to trust that your years of parenting have prepared your newly adult child to make good decisions. At the age of 21, no one wants to feel as if they're still a little kid and that their parents are trying to control every aspect of their life.
Instead of demanding to know their location, parents can just periodically check in with regular calls, FaceTime, or the occasional text. You don't need to know the whereabouts of your adult child when they're simply trying to live their own lives and figure out who they are away from home.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.