Mom Says Having A Kid Won’t Ruin Your Life, But Having These 2 Mindsets Might
Let go of any expectations.
Tirachard Kumtanom | SHutterstock Motherhood is not easy — that's undeniable. However, one mom on TikTok assured potential parents that it's not life-ruining either. She insisted that as long as you don't fall into the trap of two harmful mindsets, motherhood can be a beautiful and fulfilling experience.
The mom said having a kid won't ruin your life, but having these 2 mindsets might.
Parenthood is not for the weak. Your life will drastically change and your priorities will shift. Diapers and doctor's appointments will consume your mind, at least for the first couple of years. Eventually, school schedules and sports practices will take over.
Yet, just because your life changes when you become a parent, doesn't mean that you are doomed! New York City parenting creator @citymouse_ny assured her followers of that fact in a recent TikTok.
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Responding to a video of a mom who dreamt of being a parent, but felt deep regret when she achieved her goal, @citymouse_ny insisted that motherhood wasn't the problem — rather two harmful mindsets were to blame for her disappointment.
1. Having expectations of what motherhood will be like.
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Parenthood has an uncanny way of shattering any preconceived notions or expectations. For that reason, the mom encouraged other parents-to-be to avoid holding specific expectations surrounding motherhood.
“If you're pregnant, literally don't have any expectations for how it's gonna go,” she advised. “As humans, we always wanna prepare for the unknown. We want to prepare our minds because it's scary [but] there is no effing way you can prepare for this change.”
“All you can prepare for is the fact that your life is gonna change, so getting some mental fortitude, knowing that you're about to go into a life-altering experience [and] everything's gonna be different will actually help you,” she continued.
The content creator shared that she had her first child at 36 years old and didn’t spend much time around children prior. Therefore she didn't have expectations and that mindset served her well.
2. Not taking motherhood day by day.
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The mom got candid about her life and how she learned to embrace a day-to-day mindset. Just months after welcoming her son amid the pandemic, she was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer that required a six-month treatment cycle.
“Being a mom in a pandemic while fighting cancer is extremely overwhelming. It's almost too much for a brain to comprehend,” she admitted. “So I learned something while going through this that I think will help.”
As she endured chemotherapy, the mother found it difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. That all changed when a nurse shared a whole new perspective.
“You're going to approach this as a one-day-at-a-time thing. You're gonna keep your head down and you're gonna push through it day by day with the knowledge that it's going to end and you’re gonna get through to the other side,” the nurse told the mom. “And then you're gonna look back on what you just came through and the mountain you just climbed and you're gonna realize you [expletive] did it and it's gonna be over.”
The woman said that a similar approach should be taken when it comes to motherhood, especially during the thick of postpartum depression or anxiety.
“When it's your first time and you don't know that there's another side and can't imagine that you're ever gonna be out of the thick of it and that you're never gonna be able to have a life and have a social life, I'm here to tell you, you are,” the mom said. “I know now that everything was just a phase — the really really hard times, the sleepless nights — all of those things are just a phase. Climb that mountain. You're gonna get to the other side!”
“You might even wish that you spent more time understanding how special and precious the experience was,” she added.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.