Mom Shares The Moment Her Young Daughter Told Her That She Was The Only One In Her Class Not Invited To Another Child's Party
"Teach your babies to be kind and welcoming to everyone."
fizkes | Shutterstock Humans yearn for acceptance and feeling excluded, especially as a child, is distressing and painful. One little girl experienced this struggle at far too young an age when she was excluded by kids in her pre-kindergarten class.
Her mom shared the moment she learned her young daughter was the only one in her class not invited to another child's party.
Mom and content creator Alyssa Miller shared a heartbreaking video on her TikTok that featured her 5-year-old daughter. The video picked up in the middle of a conversation between Miller and the teary-eyed young girl.
"This is what it looks like when you exclude a child," the mom wrote, explaining that everyone in her daughter's class was invited to a birthday party except for her.
“How did you know that you didn’t get invited?” Miller asked her daughter. “She told me,” the young girl replied, crying.
Miller looked at her daughter in shock. “She told you that you didn’t get invited to her birthday party?” she asked incredulously. “Well, that’s not nice.”
Her daughter then admitted in tears that she was the only person in the class who was not invited. At that point, Miller started crying herself and momentarily stopped the video so she could pull her daughter out of the backseat and give her a big hug.
“Why are you crying too?” the young girl asked.
“‘Cause I’m sad for you,” Miller said. “‘Cause that’s not nice. It’s not how we treat other people, right?”
The mom stroked her daughter's hair and assured her that she was beautiful and kind. “This has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them,” she assured her.
After exchanging “I love you’s,” Miller gave her daughter some sage advice: “You are worthy of great, amazing friends, OK? Sometimes they just take a while to find.”
Opinions are split on whether or not the entire class must be invited to birthday parties.
Clinical director of psychology, training, and special projects at Manhattan Psychology Group, PC Francyne Zeltser told Today.com that it all comes down to the children’s age.
“It could make sense for families of kids under four to invite the whole class, as they’re still in the parallel stage of development (playing alongside, versus with, other kids) and are generally told that classmates are ‘friends,’” she said.
Zeltser added that very young children won’t really comprehend or care if they’re not invited, something that Miller’s video seems to cast doubt on. She also noted that as kids get older, it’s OK to work on trimming the guest list down.
Parents.com added that many schools have sought to combat this problem by making inviting an entire class mandatory if invites are handed out at school. They quoted a teacher named Sydney who said in a TikTok, “I’m a teacher, and I’ve watched kids be devastated they were left out. Just don’t pass them out in class.”
Frankly, the real issue here is that it wasn't half the class or a select few who were invited to the party — it was every student but one.
"Raising your child to think it’s acceptable to intentionally leave out another child and make them feel less than is something I will never be OK with," Miller wrote in the caption of her video. "Teach your babies to be kind and welcoming to everyone."
If this happens to your child, you can help them cope.
Hammond Psychology and Associates, P.A. said that if your child is having a hard time coping with the fact they were left out, help them take their mind off of it by engaging in a fun activity. Spend the day together, head to the park, and treat them to some ice cream.
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"This happened to my son. I told him the mom knew I had a special day planned already and we went to the zoo and dinner," one commenter shared. "I was heartbroken."
Ultimately, this is something that every child — and adult — will likely face at some point. It's painful to feel left out or unwanted, but the support of a parent is invaluable.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.