Mom 'Doesn't Care' That Her Toddler Calls The Nanny 'Mama' — 'I Wish She'd Just Take Her Away From Me'
"You will never understand the weight of having a child until they are brought into this world.”
pixelshot / Canva Pro At some point in life, everyone has bouts of regret for decisions and commitments they made prematurely. Sometimes, these choices are minor, like picking the wrong wall color to paint your room, and can be redirected. However, sometimes these decisions are irreversible, like having a baby you weren’t ready for.
One mom took to Reddit’s r/regretfulparents forum to vent about her challenging experience of having a baby with her husband, only to feel irrevocably detached from her.
The mom transparently shared that she ‘doesn’t care’ that her toddler calls their nanny ‘mama.’
"My daughter has had a full-time nanny since she was a few months old. She’s now 3," the mom wrote. "Over the last few weeks, my daughter has started calling our nanny 'mama.'"
While their nanny corrects the little girl every time, her daughter has not stopped using the maternal name. "[Our nanny] even brought it up with me and asked if we wanted to work together to find a solution," she added. "I told her I don’t care.”
“I should feel hurt that she’s doing this, but I don’t,” the mom continued. “Secretly, I wish that she would just take her away from me.”
The mom said she’s an only child and never resonated with the idea of having children. She and her husband were both on the same page about this topic, but, like many others, she was influenced to consider the idea of motherhood by her parents, who were longing for grandchildren.
“I was 33, and life seemed to slow down, and I began questioning whether I truly wanted to be childfree,” the mom wrote. “I honestly was still unsure until I unexpectedly fell pregnant.”
The woman has been with her husband since they were in college. She said they never used birth control or any other forms of contraception for over a decade, yet she never got pregnant.
"My husband and I took it as a sign that maybe we were meant to be parents," the mom wrote. "All of a sudden, when our lives were established and seemingly perfect, we got pregnant. We both thought it was fate. (It was not.)”
The mom said she regretted her pregnancy before her daughter was even born.
While pregnancy jitters are natural, strong feelings of regret at such an early time can indicate that one is not fully ready to be a parent.
The mom guiltily admitted that she struggled to feel a genuine connection to her baby during her pregnancy, so much so that she prayed something would interfere with the pregnancy.
“I became extremely depressed during my third trimester,” the mom shared honestly. “I couldn’t connect with her and I honestly felt like she was a parasite sucking my life away from me. I couldn’t vocalize a lot of these thoughts to my husband, but I did go to therapy.”
When her daughter was born, the mom’s regretful feelings didn’t change.
“I tried to embrace my daughter and love her the second she was born, but I just couldn’t,” she said. “I don’t think I was ever meant to be a mom.”
She described the first few months with her daughter as “torture.” Her daughter frequently cried and fussed, and she could never sleep through the night. These are common experiences for early parenthood, and the first several months are always the hardest to adjust to.
The mom and her husband hired two nannies to look after their daughter 24/7 after the first two months.
“I think I dissociated myself from her. I have treated her as nice as I could,” the mom said. “Been the mom to her that I know I would’ve wanted. I love her, but I also don’t love her with my heart. It’s a strange, empty feeling.”
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The mom confessed she never even took her full maternity leave as she was desperate to get back to her “old life.”
“I just wanted to pretend that I never became a mom,” she expressed. “I now work overtime just to avoid going home to her.”
Fortunately, the mom and her husband have highly profitable careers, allowing them the funds to hire a nanny to care for their daughter, but it’s a band-aid to a bullet wound.
Sadly, this reality is much more common than we realize.
“We have more money than we could ever use in our lives,” she shared. “Yet no amount of money can ever undo the decision I made to have a child.”
Despite the decision she and her husband made, the mom can’t help but continue regretting and grieving what her life could’ve been had she not had a child. They may have the stability to raise and support their daughter with the help of nannies, but no amount of money can eliminate the guilt of bringing a child into the world that you never truly wanted.
The mom shared how her husband does have a loving connection to their daughter, but she still struggles to love her the way he does.
“I know that I have become a vile, heartless, and cruel person. I don’t deny it,” the mom confessed. “If I could do anything, literally anything, to inherently change the way I feel towards my daughter, I would.”
Reddit users related to the mom’s feelings of regret and offered grace for her unpleasant experience. They also highlighted the blessing it is to have the funds for a nanny who can provide a child with the love and care they deserve.
“I'm jealous you have someone to take care of your kid,” one user commented. “I'm not even gonna remotely shame you because you can bet I'd do the same exact thing with my son if I had the money.”
“You're doing the best you can with your situation,” another person wrote. “You set up such great care for your daughter that she loves her nanny and sees her as a mom.”
The mom’s experience serves as a lesson for anyone considering the idea of parenthood.
Just because the option is there does not mean you should pursue it. Bringing a child into the world is obviously a lifelong commitment, and the way a parent chooses to raise this child will greatly impact and influence the trajectory of their life.
Parents deserve grace for experiencing regrets after the birth of their child, as it’s likely something they could have never expected. Additionally, as abortion options become less accessible around the country, many individuals are forced to carry their babies to term, even if the pregnancy was forced or accidental and even if the mom and fetus are severely at risk.
Because of these unreasonable terms, many individuals are being forced into parenthood, despite not having the funds, time, or mental capacity, increasing the risk of depression and loneliness in upcoming generations.
The mom’s story reinforces just how drastic this decision is for both the parent’s and child’s lives. And more people must begin normalizing the reality of parenthood — it’s not for everyone. We don’t have many choices these days, so be mindful of all these factors before considering bringing a baby into the world.
No matter what your parents or peers say to influence your decision, trust your instincts and listen to yourself.
“If you’ve wanted to be child-free your whole life and are now starting to doubt, please think harder about your choice than I did,” the mom urged. “Even with all the money, the perfect career, and a healthy loving relationship, you will never understand the weight of having a child until they are brought into this world.”
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.