Sad Mom Says She 'Chose The Wrong Partner To Have Kids With' — 'There's An Undertone To His Entire Existence As A Parent'
She is convinced that her husband just isn't cut out for fatherhood.
Ground Picture / Shutterstock It’s hard to be a part of a partnership when you feel like you’re the only one who’s putting forth any effort. That’s the hard truth that one mom learned after realizing she “chose the wrong partner to have kids with.”
One mom regretted having children with her husband.
A sorrowful mother took to Reddit to share her feelings regarding her choice in the father of her children.
“I haven’t said this to anyone out loud before, but I’m realizing that I simply picked the wrong person to create a family with,” she said. “I had been with my husband for a decade before we had kids. I knew his personality, his history, etc. I thought our long-term relationship and how we knew each other as a couple was ‘enough.’ I was so wrong.”
The mom was quick to assure readers that there was no violence in her relationship.
“There’s no abuse or vitriol or anything going on that’s inherently harmful,” she insisted. “But there’s this toxic undertone to his entire existence as a parent. He claims I forced him in parenthood, particularly the second time around. And that he ‘doesn’t want this life’ or ‘doesn’t want to be a parent.’ Those are extreme examples that he’s only said once or twice, but it’s his entire attitude that feels so negative.”
“I feel stupid,” she continued. “I should have seen this coming. He grew up without a father, and his mother died when he was young. He has so much unresolved anger and trauma from his past that directly affect his attitude toward parenting.”
Despite her complaints, the mom was quick to give her husband the recognition he deserved.
“To his credit, he’s in therapy and doing what he can to work through these issues,” she said. “But it’s just not enough, at least not at the moment.”
Surprisingly, despite his struggles, her husband does wonderfully as a parent on the surface. “Overall, he is lovely with our children day to day, and our oldest adores him,” she said.
“But he can’t handle the hard side of parenting, and I end up handling every single tantrum, bedtime battle, etc. He just gives up and walks away. I know that part of this is because of his own childhood and inability to cope with difficult situations, but it doesn’t make it any easier for me.”
The woman’s fellow Redditors all had similar advice for her.
This mom received a lot of support from other Reddit users. Most of them had the same message for her: It’s time to consider moving on.
“Therapy won’t work if he doesn’t have the right mindset,” one person said. “Your kids sound like they’re young now, but soon they will understand they aren’t wanted.”
“If I was in your shoes, I would make long-term plans,” someone else suggested. “Not rushed plans … give him a chance to do therapy for a while. But give him a deadline in your mind. If he is still miserable X years from now, it’s time to move on.”
“Leave,” a third person said emphatically. “If he is sucking the joy out of your life, leave. You will be happier.”
Divorce is not necessarily the solution.
The fact is, this dad's experience is not a rarity. Although actual statistics vary because many parents feel compelled to only speak about children in a positive light, a study from 2023 estimated that between 5% and 14% of parents in developed countries, including the U.S. regret their decision to have children.
That doesn't mean he doesn't love them, however. It's obvious he's struggling with unresolved childhood traumas. Perhaps instead of hastily deciding to end the relationship or assuming the worst, this mom could try to open the lines of communication with her husband more.
Even better, perhaps she could join in on his therapy sessions, and they could work through their issues together.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.