13 Mediocre Friends Brilliant People Refuse To Waste Time On As They Get Older
There are big benefits to ending friendships with negative people.
Ales | Canva Smart people refuse to waste time with mediocre and bad friends as they get older. There are many different kinds of bad friends: the narcissistic friend, the uninvested friend, the flaky friend, and the friend who takes advantage. Some you hang on to, and others you need to get out of your life. As you get older, it's easier to know which friends are a waste of your time.
These mediocre friends often get in the way of your happiness and every moment you spend with them will chip away at your self-esteem. If you have one of these people in your life don't wait until you've wasted too much time with them to set some boundaries or move on.
1. The friend who can dish it out but can't take it
Your negative friend can't take it when someone gives them some constructive criticism, yet they have no problem criticizing you and everyone else. When you tell them they hurt you with something they've said, they accuse you of being "too sensitive". A true friend accepts you for who you are.
Ironically, this same friend often can't take a joke and gets angry over all sorts of little things then blames you for being harsh. Yikes!
2. The judge
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A good friend is someone who accepts you unconditionally and doesn't give you unsolicited advice. If your friend is hypercritical and always pointing out your flaws, you need to break up with them as soon as possible because their negativity isn't good for you mentally or emotionally.
3. The pressure cooker friend
An overly negative friend will keep at you to succeed as if you're their stand-in for life. Overly negative people are often insecure about their abilities and find it easier to latch on to someone else. Life is stressful enough without someone continually pushing and prodding you!
4. The negativity spinner
Your overly negative friend has an amazing gift for turning your wins into failures. Whether it's a small accomplishment or a big life change, they never have anything good to say about positive things that happen.
5. The one-way street
A true friend gives as much as they take. An overly negative friend, on the other hand, wants you to share all your secrets (ammunition to be used against you later) but won't tell you any of theirs.
6. The subtle manipulator
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A bad friend has no problem shaming you for any misstep you make, and will say things like, "You're not going to eat that, are you?" Along with their attempts to control and manipulate you, you may also find their behavior turns them into a bully.
For this type of situation, counselor Michele Weiner-Davis recommended, "It’s about shutting down the power you have given them to make you feel bad. So, the response requires changing your self-talk when the criticism occurs. Remind yourself to consider the source- is the critical person unhappy, competitive, feeling less than, or just plain nasty? Tell yourself their comment says more about them person than you. Reflect on who you are, and how the critical comment is not descriptive of you at all."
7. The insulting friend
It's kind of artistic how they can say something hurtful or insulting in such a way that it takes you a minute to realize the negative intent behind it. "Look at you wearing that dress. I would never be that brave. Go you," is something they would say.
8. The gossip
A true friend will tell you something to your face, even if it's not something you want to hear. But an overly negative friend isn't just gossiping about you — they take badmouthing to the next level and revel in your mistakes and failures.
9. The aspiring dramatist
A negative friend is someone who will not only bring you down but will find actual joy in any drama affecting your life. They are quintessential drama queens or kings, and can never have a moment in life where they aren't creating stress around themselves.
10. The jealous rager
A negative, toxic friend doesn't lift you when you come bearing good news; rather, they are extremely jealous, critical, competitive, and may even attempt to "copy" your life in its entirety, or attempt to sabotage it into destruction.
11. The emotional drain
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Known as energy vampires, your negative friend sucks the life out of every conversation or situation they are involved in. You may feel physically tired, like you're lacking motivation, or like you can't pay attention. It's all because of your toxic friend, so consider this a sign it's time to get rid of them.
12. The hater
Because they thrive on gloom and doom, your overly negative friend can't stand it when you're feeling happy and doing well. They don't support you, and they certainly aren't happy for you when you get your dream job, when your significant other proposes, or when you reach any goals you've set for yourself.
13. The diminutizer
Whether it's pointing out your flaws, criticizing your choices, or playing down your accomplishments, your negative friend is on a mission to make you feel poorly about yourself. If this is a pattern in your friendship, realize they aren't a good person to have around you.
Some friendships are so negative they are unhealthy for you. It doesn't make you a bad person to want these friends gone from your life; it's better to deal with the fact the relationship isn't working and you both need to move on. Once you break up with a friend, there's no going back, so think about it long and hard before you do it. It can be liberating to get that negativity out of your life.
Christine Schoenwald is a writer, performer, and frequent contributor to YourTango. She's had articles featured in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, Bustle, Medium, Huffington Post, Business Insider, and Woman's Day, among many others.
