Psychology Says If You Can Master These 10 Skills, You'll Have Confidence For Life
These skills are all within your control.
Iona Studio | Canva Some years ago, I came across this superb quote from Robert Greene’s book, The 48 Laws of Power: “Do not wait for a coronation; the greatest emperors crown themselves.” You don’t wait for the world to announce you as more. You take it. We don’t need permission. Assuming this status is independent of your background, height, or income.
If you've ever felt confidence, it was only felt in specific moments and environments, usually when alone; these skills might help. Self-confidence is who we are in the absence of self-judgment and criticism. High self-esteem can make someone happier and have better social relationships, according to a 2023 study. So, I learned everything I could about confidence, and I’m far better today, which is why I'm sharing these psychological tricks with you.
If you can master these ten skills, you'll have confidence for life:
1. Create and maintain your own rituals
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Develop morning and evening rituals that reinforce your sense of importance and purpose. Aimlessness is best left to the peasants.
A 2020 study suggests that committing to positive life changes is most effective when you set specific, achievable goals, create a plan with small, actionable steps, leverage intrinsic motivation, seek external accountability, and focus on building new habits through repetition while accepting potential setbacks. Key concepts include "implementation intentions," self-monitoring, and aligning your changes with your core values.
2. Speak slowly and deliberately
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Confident people don’t need to be rushed. The world molds itself to them. Realizing this starts in how you talk.
Stop rushing. Speak slowly and deliberately, allowing luxurious pauses. Your words have weight. You always knew this.
Being relaxed and moving slowly can earn you respect by projecting confidence, composure, and control. A study published by Frontiers in Psychology indicates that you are not easily flustered or pressured and can make thoughtful decisions even in stressful situations. It shows that you are "in the moment" and not rushing to react impulsively.
3. Find your space
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Designate a space (even a chair) as yours. Spend time there daily, free from empty distractions. This is your space for contemplation, reading, and envisioning your dreams becoming a reality.
4. Mold your presence until it can be felt before you are heard
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Enter rooms as if you own them. Your timid former self would watch you in awe. Make eye contact, stand tall, and take up a lot of space without apology. These are all within your control.
Research published by Frontiers in Psychology indicates that good posture for men is essential for both physical health, including reduced back pain and improved muscle function, and psychological well-being, as an upright posture can be associated with feelings of confidence, power, and positive mood, potentially impacting how others perceive you. Studies have shown that a slumped posture can be linked to negative emotions and decreased self-esteem.
5. Do what others wouldn't dare to
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There’s only one instance in which you will follow the masses: see as they do — and promptly do the opposite. Stop holding back just because you feel like you don’t ‘fit in.’
This is precisely why you must do it. Sit in a cafe reading a book without looking at your phone. Even if your ears burn the first time, you develop the practice of doing it differently and doing it with pride.
6. Know that the only approval you need is your own
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From now on, you will stop making decisions that hinge on your need for external approval. This kind of behavior will send you right down to a slithering newt. Trust your instinct and judgment as your life's primary authority because it is.
Psychologically, not trying to impress everyone earns you respect because it demonstrates authenticity, self-confidence, and a genuine connection with others rather than a calculated attempt to gain approval, which can often be perceived as inauthentic and manipulative.
Essentially, people value genuineness and trust those comfortable being themselves without needing external validation, as explained in a study by the Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization.
7. Add the word 'no' to your vocabulary
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Practice declining requests or invitations that do not align with your values or goals. And when you’ve said no gracefully, do not explain yourself.
8. Know the power of dressing great
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You don't need to wear a three-piece suit for a quick trip to the store. But you do need to dress slightly better than is required or expected for each occasion. Stop being a slob. That time is in the past.
Research published in 2023 shows a strong correlation between high self-confidence and reduced social anxiety, indicating that a positive self-image can act as a buffer against the negative thoughts and feelings associated with social situations, allowing individuals to feel more comfortable interacting with others. Essentially, a strong sense of self-worth can mitigate the fear of judgment and criticism often present in social anxiety.
9. Embrace making mistakes
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Absolute confidence doesn’t mean taking every little thing so seriously. They have learned to laugh at the silliness of life and themselves. True confidence allows for some grace in making mistakes without losing stature.
Making errors is uncomfortable, even though we frequently make them. Especially in educational settings, educators may be reluctant to ask students to guess before learning the correct information for fear that their incorrect guesses will be confused with true items and harm future learning.
Results from a 2022 PLoS One study showed that retrieval and the presentation of corrective feedback were advantageous tools for learning, even when retrieval was unsuccessful. Compared to restudy, retrieval promoted learning by perpetuating correct responses and increasing the correction of pragmatic inference errors. In the absence of corrective feedback, retrieval led to a higher proportion of false memories compared to restudy
10. Become your own favorite person
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Become comfortable being alone. Self-confidence means being at ease, whether surrounded by people or in quiet contemplation.
Only those who can’t stand their own company incessantly require the frequent company of others. Use this solitude to connect with a Universal creative power to build something that will astound the world for generations.
Research published in 2021 by Frontiers in Psychology indicates that spending time alone, when chosen intentionally, can be significantly beneficial for mental health, promoting self-awareness, creativity, stress reduction, and improved emotional regulation, suggesting that alone time is an essential aspect of overall well-being. However, the key is to differentiate positive solitude from forced isolation, as excessive loneliness can have negative impacts.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient.