Psychology Says If You Can Master These 7 Social Skills, You Can Win Over Anyone
People will these social skills often instantly charm even the hardest-to-charm people.
stockfour | Canva Learning how to be likable and how to make good first impressions is crucial to your social life. However, learning self-confidence, positive body language, and social skills that win people over can help.
Have you ever wished you could get that super hot guy to come over and talk to you, or stand up to your impossible-to-please, power-hungry boss, or get up and speak in front of an audience without quaking in your shoes and feeling like you’re going to pass out?
What if I told you that you can learn to do those things in one minute or less? Luckily, we have people — or rather, gurus — to lend us their wisdom and guide us through all these scenarios, and more.
If you can master these social skills, you can win over anyone:
1. Wave and say hello
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World-renowned dating expert Matthew Hussey has a surefire technique that women can use to get a guy to approach them — fast. The secret? Just wave him over.
He explains it all in this video, but, when you’re out with your friends, and you see a cute guy, just smile and give him a little ‘come here’ wave. When he comes over, tell him you just wanted to say hi. “How cute is that?” says Hussey.
2. Tap into your emotions
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People will walk across hot coals for Tony Robbins — literally. The famed Awaken The Giant Within author and guru is known for his powerful public speaking skills, and for leading seminars where attendees literally walk across hot coals.
He says the key to getting an audience to engage with you is to tap into your own emotions. “You need to be in the moment and flexible to make it real and raw,” says Robbins.
He’s coached Bill Clinton and Oprah Winfrey, so obviously, the man knows what he’s talking about. Expressing emotions, particularly positive ones, can significantly help you win people over by fostering connection, empathy, and a sense of shared experience.
This makes you appear more relatable and trustworthy. A 2021 study published by Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews concluded that this is often linked to emotional intelligence, where the ability to understand and manage one's emotions and those of others plays a key role in social influence.
3. Ask people genuine questions about themselves
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Even better, try to actually be interested. Dale Carnegie, the author of the 1936 classic How To Win Friends And Influence People, said the number one way to get people interested in you, is to be interested in them — genuinely interested.
So, ask a question, and instead of waiting for your turn to talk, really listen to the other person. People love talking about themselves; giving them a chance to do so is a surefire way to win someone over.
4. Strike a power pose
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Next time your boss is giving you a hard time, throw up your hands. Really. Harvard Business School psychologist Amy Cuddy, who gave one of the most popular TED talks of all time on the subject of ‘power posing,’ says that “a person can, by assuming two simple one-minute poses, embody power and instantly become more powerful.”
Cuddy says the poses — which entail either raising your hands in the air or posing like Wonder Woman, legs apart and hands on hips for 60 seconds when you’re alone in the bathroom before you meet with someone — cause hormonal changes in our brains, elevating our testosterone and decreasing our cortisol levels.
That gives us a feeling of power and a higher tolerance for risk when we walk into that all-important meeting.
According to Cuudy's research, power posing — adopting expansive body postures like standing with legs spread wide and hands on hips — can potentially increase feelings of power and confidence by influencing hormone levels, decreasing cortisol, and increasing testosterone, which could theoretically make someone appear more persuasive and impactful in social situations.
However, recent studies have struggled to replicate these findings consistently, raising questions about the reliability of the power pose effect, with some researchers arguing that the initial studies might have methodological flaws and that more research is needed to understand the phenomenon entirely.
5. Speak someone else's language
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Nicholas Boothman, the author of How To Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less, says we have less than two minutes to get someone to like us upon first meeting us. To connect, he recommends matching the tone of your voice and your speech patterns to the person you’re talking to.
“It’s not what you think, it’s the way that you think it; it’s not what you say, it’s the way that you say it,” says Boothman.
So if you want your mother-in-law to like you, try talking to her the same way she talks to you. She just might feel like you’re finally speaking her language.
6. Be a mirror
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In a 1999 New York University research project, 78 men and women worked on tasks with partners who were secretly in cahoots with the researchers. The undercover participants mimicked their partners to varying degrees, mirroring their body language, gestures, and facial expressions.
At the end of the task, the partners were asked how much they liked the person they were working with. Without fail, the more their partners had copied them, the more they liked them.
Researchers call it ‘the chameleon effect,’ and you can use it, too. When the person you’re talking to leans in, lean in. When they shrug or nod, you do it too. Science says it works.
Mirroring, subtly imitating another person's body language, facial expressions, and speech patterns, can significantly increase rapport and likability. This makes you appear more in sync with them, thus helping you win people over by creating a sense of connection and trust.
Researchers from a 2013 study have demonstrated that people unconsciously mimic the behaviors of those they interact with, leading to increased feelings of liking and connection.
7. Smile — but make it genuine
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Did you ever notice what a great smile Oprah Winfrey has? Of course, you have. We’ve all seen that megawatt smile beaming out at her adoring audiences.
Turns out, smiling could be one of the keys to her success; it’s another one of Dale Carnegie’s tricks to winning people over. People want to be liked and they’re flattered when people are happy to see them.
“Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, ‘I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you,” says Carnegie. So next time you want to make a good impression, flash them your pearly whites, Oprah-style.
Elizabeth Laura Nelson is a Commerce Editor for First For Women and Woman's World. Her work has been featured on Elite Daily, MamaMia, SheSaid, and more.