Man Shares The Exact Formula For Gossiping Ethically Without Throwing Anyone Under The Bus
There is a way to gossip where no one gets hurt.
Ekateryna Zubal | Shutterstock If you are human, you have likely engaged in gossip at some point in your life. This doesn’t mean you’re a bad person! It is a behavior deeply rooted in human nature that serves psychological and social functions.
Still, gossiping is an activity that is often thought of as negative, specifically because it usually involves a targeted person who would likely not be happy if they found out that people were talking behind their back.
It doesn't have to be that way, however. According to one man, there is an exact formula you can use to engage in safe and friendly gossip that won't hurt anyone's feelings!
A man introduced the idea of how to use gossip ethically.
In a TikTok video, a man who goes by avgpolyglot broke down the formula for people who want to safely gossip without throwing anyone under the bus. He explained that the “tea” or gossip needs to be specific while keeping the people involved vague.
For example, if you wanted to talk about significant topics like mental health, the economy, and the loneliness epidemic, you could use gossip about someone you know as a starting point without revealing their identity. You might say something like, “A friend of mine is going through a major depressive episode because no one came to their birthday, and now they're in India trying to find themselves.”
“You don't know who the friend is. You do need to know about the situation, so that way you can use it as a baseboard to then talk about other topics,” the man explained.
Avoiding a specific person allows you to gossip about more substantial topics without putting anyone else at a disadvantage.
While you’re discussing these other topics, you might never feel the need to bring the friend up. However, their situation is being used for constructive conversation.
The man advised that the formula doesn't work if the "gossip" is too vague. For example, if someone says, "Something crazy happened to someone I know,” you may feel less compelled to know more about it or to start a conversation that can be centered around that. “We're never getting anywhere from this. This is literally [the same energy as] fishing for compliments,” the man said. “You just want me to ask you more questions. I'm not gonna ask questions about people that I don't know. That's none of my business.”
He also said to avoid any gossip that is person-specific but the situation is vague, such as “Jason recently got some wild news.” The people you’re talking to may not even know who Jason is, and the news is so vague that it’s irrelevant to them.
Traditional gossip, he stressed, should be reserved for only your most trusted group of friends and family. For example, “John from accounting wet his bed four nights straight after not getting promoted.” The person and the situation are very specific, and if you’re not careful, it could very well get back to John from accounting.
Even if gossiping may be perceived as cruel, it is not uncommon.
There's no sense in denying that gossip — pretty much everyone does it. An estimated 90% of U.S. and Western European workers are guilty of gossiping from time to time in the workplace. One study even found that the average person spends about an hour a day gossiping with others.
How then could something that we all gain so much pleasure in be all that bad? Actually, it's not.
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According to a 2021 study, when someone confides in you to tell you news about someone who is not present, whether it be positive, negative, or neutral, you immediately feel a deeper connection with them. Simply put, it's a bonding activity.
Ultimately, it gives you a glimpse of who to trust and who to avoid when you have sensitive information you don’t want getting back to the wrong person. It's a way of discerning trust. Even when gossip is negative, it can play a role in helping people understand the social world and maintain their connections.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.