Man Refuses To Let His Pregnant Girlfriend Become A Stay-At-Home Mom Even Though He Can Afford It
Is it right to refuse to be the sole provider?
Simplylove / Shutterstock There are a lot of decisions to be made when you choose to start a family. For most, one of those decisions includes who will be caring for the baby during the day while the parents are at work — or if both parents will be working at all.
One couple ran into this issue when a woman said she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, but her boyfriend said no.
A man told his pregnant girlfriend she could not be a stay-at-home mom even though money was not an issue.
An anonymous man posted on Reddit to ask for input after he told his girlfriend she couldn’t be a stay-at-home mom. She believed he was being unreasonable.
“My … [girlfriend] … Emily and I have been dating for four years and have lived together since last October,” he explained. “She graduated from college last year and was able to get a job that paid an okay salary for an entry-level position. She didn’t like the job too much, but she mentioned that it had good opportunities for promotions and would look good on her resume, so she hoped to move on to more interesting work that she is more passionate about soon.”
Emily and her boyfriend were in for a surprise they didn’t see coming.
“This January, my [girlfriend] became pregnant with a girl by accident,” he shared. “It was unplanned, and we considered abortion but decided to keep the baby. We have since been preparing for the birth.”
Fortunately for this couple, they have a strong support system that is willing to help them care for the baby.
“We have good relationships with both my parents and her parents, and both sets of parents have said they would be willing to babysit our daughter for free,” he said. However, his girlfriend had other ideas. “Recently, my [girlfriend] told me that she would like to quit her job after the baby is born to be a stay-at-home mom,” he continued.
Due to this man’s professional circumstances, he could make being a stay-at-home mom a reality for his girlfriend. He said, “I recently got a promotion to a supervisory position in my company that came with a pay raise of nearly $40,000, so I can afford to support her and our daughter.”
However, he is not comfortable with his girlfriend staying at home full-time. “I just don’t want the pressure of being the only person to provide for my family,” he stated.
This man is falling victim to some of the stereotypical pressure to be a provider because of his gender.
This Reddit poster said, “I’ve been told by some people that a true man provides for his family.” This is likely where some of the problems stem from.
According to the Pew Research Center, “In about a third of married or cohabiting couples in the United States, women bring in half or more of the earnings, a significant increase from the past. But in most couples, men contribute more of the income, and this aligns with the fact that Americans place a higher value on a man’s role as financial provider.”
Furthermore, “Roughly seven-in-ten adults (71%) say it is very important for a man to be able to support a family financially to be a good husband or partner.”
The pressure is on for this man to be a provider and, by extension, a good partner. This is how he is viewed by society. However, it is totally understandable that one person would not want to take on the stress and responsibility of being the sole provider for his family.
Having a baby isn’t easy, and it brings on a whole new slew of financial challenges. It would be good for Emily to keep that in mind and be more empathetic towards her boyfriend’s concerns. Providing for her baby is her job, too.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.