Stay-At-Home Mom Threatens To Drop Baby At Husband's Job After He Didn't Do Chores
Her motivation tactics weren't great, but the sentiment still rings true.
Prostock-studio / Shutterstock It goes without saying that childcare is difficult, especially when parents have jobs outside the home while managing it. But when those responsibilities aren't split evenly among parents, that's when tensions arise.
That's exactly what one stay-at-home mother is going through, facing backlash after saying her husband wasn't pulling his weight at home.
The woman threatened to drop her daughter off at her husband’s job in the middle of the day if he didn't start helping around the house.
Posting her story to Reddit, after explaining the situation, the woman asked others if she was wrong for her actions, which involved threatening her exhausted husband, and if she should have handled the situation differently.
The 42-year-old woman shared that she's a stay-at-home mom with a toddler and that her husband works full-time outside the home.
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She detailed her daily routine and responsibilities around the house while her husband goes to work, which includes waking up early, feeding her child, letting her daughter watch television while she does chores and makes breakfast, doing laundry, cleaning up around the house, chopping wood, cleaning the fireplace, meal-planning, feeding their cats, and making appointments.
In the evenings, she completes other household tasks, adding, “At night I make two dinners, clean up my cooking mess, clean up her toys and her messes, get her ready for her bath, then put her to bed. I also clean the bathrooms and vacuum about once a week.”
Her husband also has specific duties around the house.
While she's in charge of the daily routine with her daughter at home, her husband is responsible for certain tasks around the house, in addition to his full-time job.
He does the dishes, takes out the trash, cleans the cats' litter boxes, and cooks dinner twice a week. Sometimes, her husband swaps the duty of bathing her daughter since his wife is “too tired” to do it herself some nights. On the weekends, he takes their daughter out to run any additional errands while his wife cleans up the house.
The woman added that finding additional childcare for their daughter is difficult since no preschools or daycares are open in their area. Recently, the woman revealed that she's frustrated at her husband, as he tends to fall asleep after dinner each night, neglecting his household chores.
“This is a huge issue for me because not only does it mean that we don't spend any time together during the evenings, but also if I don't wake him up nothing gets done,” the woman wrote. “He's always been like this, but before we had a kid I didn't really care. Now it's a different story. I just cannot handle having to do his share on top of everything else.”
The woman has addressed the issue to her husband before, urging him to set an alarm and to do the dishes right after dinner before he falls asleep. She said, “He'll change things for a week or so, but then go back.”
A few nights before her post, the woman revealed that she woke up at 2 a.m. and caught her husband fast asleep on the couch with his tasks incomplete. That was when she became angry.
“I lost it and screamed at him that if he didn't quit falling asleep after dinner, I was going to drop our toddler off at his job in the middle of the day. He got really angry and then did his chores. We have avoided each other since then,” she said.
The woman claimed that her parents urged her to “let it go” since her husband works hard all day. But she's now wondering if her husband deserved her reaction or if she could have handled it differently.
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While making threats isn't a good way to change behavior, the woman's worries are valid.
Many claim the woman had no right to threaten her husband since taking care of their daughter was her job, and going into the office was his. Some even pointed out that her husband does a lot more than some fathers do for their children, and she should be grateful.
However, others believed that the woman’s husband needed to be doing more to help out around the house, with one user saying, “He’s not pulling his weight with the family. He doesn’t just get to go to work and come home and that’s when his whole job ends”; another claimed it was disrespectful for him to shirk his responsibilities for his own comfort.
Though the woman threatening her husband certainly was inappropriate, it's understandable how her anger and frustration brought her to that place. Still, threatening him like this will get her nowhere, and she will find herself in the same position, or worse.
According to Randi Gunther PhD, there are a few likely outcomes that result from empty threats, none of which are positive. These include a loss of credibility, a counter-threat from the other partner, or "creating drama to cover up feelings of powerlessness and fear of loss."
Instead of making threats, the woman could have handled the situation in a different way. She mentioned that this seems to be an ongoing issue with her husband, where she will talk to him and communicate what she needs done, but a few days later he goes back to the same behavior.
First, she could break the mindset of having to "keep score" and think of how her husband contributes in other ways. Should could also switch roles with him, where he's in charge of their child in the evenings, refrain from criticism, not micromanage him, or perhaps consider hiring a housekeeper to come take care of the daily chores.
Though it's unknown what the outcome of the situation was, couples should make it a point to put effort into their household duties, as it can not only damage their relationship, but affect the children as well.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.