Man With Autism Explains Why He ‘Struggles’ When He Sees People Cry — ‘It’s Hard For Me’
Not everyone reacts to emotional situations the same, and that's okay.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock When someone starts crying within our vicinity, we all react differently. Some of us may feel inclined to hug them or comfort them immediately. Others may turn a blind eye, unsure how to respond appropriately.
For one man who was diagnosed with autism, seeing anyone cry is an incredibly difficult experience for him. Now, he is explaining why, and many other people can relate.
An autistic man explained why seeing other people cry is a struggle for him.
Rachel (@rachyodes) shared a TikTok video of her autistic husband, Michael, revealing why seeing other people cry, whether he knows them or not, is especially difficult for him.
According to Michael, he is never sure how to appropriately respond to someone else’s tears. “I understand logically what this person probably needs in response to the tears, but I struggle to activate that,” he explained. "I know what the response should be, and I wanna do it, I do wanna do it, I do I really. I don't wanna ignore it. But I physically have a hard time doing it.”
The autistic man explained what he wants from others if they see him crying or upset.
When a crying person, for example, wanted a hug to make them feel better, Michael confessed to his wife that he struggles to provide them with the physical contact they desire, even grimacing at the word “hug.”
He also added that if there were no societal pressure to offer support and comfort to those who break down in tears, he would simply walk away from the situation. “I understand those tears, but I'm not involved in that.”
When Rachel asked what Michael wanted out of others when he cried, he said that he would prefer it if he were left alone.
“I wanna have my feelings and tears and sadness or whatever is happening there, and I don't want anybody to interact with me when it's happening until it's done,” he said.
“I just want to experience it myself, and that is probably why I would walk away [from people who are crying] because I feel like that must be what they want.”
Michael added that he would rather be comforted by others once the tears have stopped and the emotions are not as intense.
Many other viewers, whether they were autistic or not, related to the autistic man's aversion to other people's tears.
“This hits so hard. The choice to walk away is a need,” one TikTok user commented.
“I have to explain this to people all the time. This is who I am,” another user wrote.
“This guy is me completely. I don’t want to share any part of my feelings,” another added.
Emotional processing and expression can be a struggle for many people on the autism spectrum.
Research suggests potential differences in brain circuitry related to emotion processing in autistic individuals, which may contribute to their challenges with emotional expression.
One in five autistic individuals experiences alexithymia, a condition where one has difficulty recognizing and understanding their own emotions. In turn, this also makes it difficult to understand the feelings of others and how to respond to them.
This often leads to the misconception that autistic people lack empathy. However, just like neurotypical people, their levels of empathy vary, and they may not always wear their hearts on a sleeve.
Jelena Zalen | Shutterstock
Some autistic people may feel heartbroken for people around them who are upset and crying and may believe that the best way they can help them is by not reacting at all and waiting until their tears have dried and they are in a better state of mind to talk.
They also may struggle to express their concern for those around them despite their inner feelings urging them to help.
This does not mean that they are unkind or cold-hearted.
Every one of us, whether we are on the autism spectrum or not, reacts to people’s emotions differently despite how much we care.
We may just be unsure how to react in the given moment.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.