Woman Shares 5 Lessons She Learned After Her Husband Of 2 Years Left Her Because She Couldn't Have Children
Even if your world feels like it's ending, it's really not.
iona didishvili | Shutterstock Learning that you’re infertile when you’re desperately trying to have children is devastating. For many, it shows the true mettle of a relationship and helps you discern whether or not you’re destined to be together.
One woman on Reddit shared some inspiring lessons she learned after going through two great heartbreaks. First, she found out she was infertile and unable to have children. Then, the very next day, her husband of two years informed her he was divorcing her so that he could have biological children with someone else.
This was a very difficult time for the woman, but it didn’t come without its blessings. As she said, “I went to therapy because I couldn’t sleep well and felt devastated. And here are the five things I learnt [that] helped me [crawl] out of the emotional black hole.”
Here are 5 lessons a woman learned after her husband left her because she was infertile:
1. Let the grieving process do its thing.
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The woman pointed out that one of the most important things you can do for yourself is to live with and experience the grief you’re feeling. “Let yourself grieve fully,” she advised. “Your life just changed in a way you never expected. Feel all of it — anger, sadness, disbelief — but don’t let it define you.”
Clinical psychologist Mary-Frances O’Connor explained that grieving after losing someone is a very real, understandable thing. “When we have the experience of being in a relationship, the sense of who we are is bound up with that other person,” she noted. “When the other person is gone, we suddenly have to learn a totally new set of rules to operate in the world.”
In this woman’s case, she lost her spouse and partner, who she believed she would always face the world with. She also lost the possibility of having children. Grieving both changes is not only natural, but important as you prepare to move on to better things in your life.
2. Rejection is leading you to something better.
It may sound cliché, but rejection often is a sign that something better is coming around the corner. “Rejection is redirection,” she wrote. “Someone who truly loved you wouldn’t leave when life got hard. Let them go.” True love lasts through the good and the bad. If this woman’s husband truly loved her, he would have put her first always — even above the children he wanted to have.
Online therapy platform BetterHelp reaffirmed this truth. Their editorial team said, “True love means standing by each other’s side. Whether in success or failure, happiness or distress, partners in true love support each other’s highs and lows without conditions or reservations.” If this unconditional support isn’t present, it must not have really been true love.
3. Worth has nothing to do with fertility.
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Many people who struggle with infertility also struggle with maintaining their self-worth. But the woman argued that these two things should not be linked. “Your worth is not tied to your ability to reproduce,” she insisted. “Infertility does not make you less than or undeserving of love.”
A study published in the journal Psychology Research and Behavior Management concluded that “infertility-related stress and self-esteem were associated with psychological distress, which explained why infertile women had a higher prevalence of depression and anxiety.”
4. What other people do is a reflection of them.
It’s easy to think that if someone slights you, it is somehow your fault, especially if you’re already feeling insecure. But you have to remember that that is a reflection of them, not you. “People show their true colors when things get hard,” she explained. “His exit says more about him than it does about you. Believe what people show you.”
It was famed writer Maya Angelou who said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” It’s important to take people’s actions seriously and know that they are showing you who they really are. Remember, their actions are not a reflection of you in any way.
5. Don’t give up on your future.
Above all, the woman stressed the importance of not letting one bad thing ruin your entire life. “Find a new purpose,” she said. “Your future isn’t gone — it’s just different than you imagined. You still have a life to build, and it can be amazing.”
Sociologist Matthew Lee noted, “Several studies suggest that, compared with people who don’t have a sense of purpose, those who do tend to perceive stressors as being less difficult and cope better with stress. That might help them avoid some of the physiological effects of chronic stress that contribute to heart attack, stroke and early death.”
This woman may have felt that her purpose was to live a happy life with her husband, or to start a family with him. Now, she has the chance to pivot to a new purpose that can be just as rewarding and beneficial.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.