28-Year-Old Single Woman Told Wanting To Start Fertility Treatments To Become A Mom Is ‘Cheating’
Motherhood is about love — not conception.
gpointstudio | Shutterstock When you were young, you may have put timelines on your life milestones. For example, some people say they want to be married by 25 and have kids by 30. We’ve all done it, maybe because the world we live in has such societal pressures and timelines that often dictate the trajectory of our lives.
In a since-deleted Reddit post, a woman revealed that she felt left behind as her friends were already starting families. She was anxious to become a mother herself, but she was still single. She told her friend that she was considering becoming a single mom and starting fertility treatments. A heated debate ensued, and her friend actually had the audacity to say her plan involved "taking shortcuts," as if using a donor somehow made her less of the mother. The real issue, as commenters pointed out, wasn't how she got pregnant but more the struggles of being a young single mom.
A young single woman was told by a friend that getting pregnant through fertility treatments was 'cheating.'
The Reddit user, a 28-year-old woman, shared her experience with heartbreak, growth, and a deep desire to experience motherhood. The dating scene has not been kind to her, and she said she has been looking for love for five years. In the meantime, her friends had started their lives and families, and she felt left behind.
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Only adding to her distress was the death of her boyfriend when she was 24. He was the man she had envisioned a future with. Ever since his passing, she has focused on healing, going to therapy, and creating healthy boundaries for herself. Yet, despite these efforts, she felt her clock was ticking when it came to motherhood.
She also recently discovered that she has PCOS, a condition that could further complicate her chances of conceiving naturally.
Following a diagnosis of PCOS, the woman decided to visit a fertility clinic to discuss her options.
According to the World Health Organization, PCOS, or polycystic ovary syndrome, can cause irregular periods, which can result in a lack of ovulation, making it difficult to become pregnant. Following her diagnosis, the young woman said she decided to take matters into her own hands and become a mother on her own terms. She didn't want to wait for the “right” person before starting a family and was ready to take on the adventure alone.
Her decision to use a donor was also based on her personal timeline. She wanted kids young, and she felt like her 20s were passing her by. Unfortunately, her friend didn't see things her way.
She confided in her friend, who was less than supportive. Her friend disapproved of the woman’s plans, calling it "cheating" and accusing her of "taking shortcuts." She went so far as to say that donors should only be used when married couples are struggling with fertility issues, not single women looking to skip traditional routes to motherhood.
This unexpected reaction left her feeling judged and hurt. The emotional weight of dealing with her loss, her longing for a family, and her health concerns made her feel that pursuing motherhood through fertility treatments was a valid option — one that could allow her to achieve her dream without waiting for a partner who might never come.
Most people agreed that the woman's friend was out of line, but they also urged her to take more time before committing to becoming a single mom.
As one wise commenter noted, "It is not wrong to take your own path and get a sperm donor, that’s not cheating. Your friend is a bit of a jerk for saying it in that way. However, I think what she might be getting at is that you might be jumping the gun. 28 is very young. I really feel for the sadness you are feeling given the loss of your boyfriend, I’m so sorry, which seems to leave you feeling like it’s not in your cards to find love." They went on to say, "I don’t know that anyone can really advise you here. You have to do what is right for you. I would only say try not to make decisions out of fear."
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The woman's friend was definitely being a "jerk," however raising a child under the age of 30 with little to no help is no small task. Then again, this young woman could be financially sound with a strong family support system that could help her every step of the way. Either way, choosing to pursue parenthood without a partner is a deeply personal decision, one that takes a lot of courage.
Erika Ryan is a writer working on her bachelor's degree in Journalism. She is based in Florida and covers relationships, psychology, self-help, and human interest topics.