People With Incredible Social Skills Often Do These 13 Things In Conversation
The hacks the most likable people use.
S.Phoophinyo/ Shutterstock Have you ever met someone that has a magnetic personality and always seems to have super-loyal friends? We all have, and to a point, we all tend to envy them for it. The truth is that the number of people who are naturally that popular is really few and far between.
That doesn’t mean, though, that you can’t learn how to make people like you. Believe it or not, you don’t have to be good-looking to be popular. You also don’t need to be super-rich (though it can help) or even have the right hair color to get people to like you.
If you want to get better relations with others around you, it often means that you may need a little tact to do so. Want to learn how to be likable? The following psychological tricks can help you get more friends and boost your popularity.
People with incredible social skills often do these 13 things in conversation:
1. Do not chase people around
The worst thing that you can do is to try to chase after people who have already shown that they are disinterested in you. It makes you look (and feel) desperate, and that freaks people out.
At best, being desperate will make people think you’re not respectable. At worst, it’ll make people use you as a punching bag or as a wallet. While you may want to befriend them, the best way to go about it is to let them find interest in you.
2. Stand up for yourself, even if you feel it’s not going to get you friends
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A lot of people think that if they play nice, even when people are rude to them, eventually, they will realize you’re cool. In reality, being a doormat or even not speaking up when someone does something you don’t agree with makes people lose respect for you.
Moreover, standing up for yourself prunes away potentially toxic friends and makes you more open to better friendships. This is a crucial aspect of healthy self-esteem and assertiveness, as it prioritizes one's needs and boundaries, even when it might cause temporary discomfort or potential social friction. A 2023 APA article explained that it's better to be true to yourself and risk losing friends who can't respect one's boundaries than to constantly compromise one's well-being to maintain social connections.
3. Give people a “one and done” rule — just don’t tell them that
A “one and done” rule says that you only give people one chance to show they are decent people or that they are worth hanging out with. If they insult you, reject you, regularly try to push boundaries, or otherwise make you uncomfortable, cut them out.
As strange as this may sound, being choosy with them will make others respect and like you more. Why? Because it shows your time is precious.
4. Understand that the “like attracts like” rule will typically be true, at least on a superficial level
There’s a reason why people tend to look the same when they’re in the same social group. People tend to feel comfortable with others who look similar to them, and oftentimes, the differences can be very subtle.
Take that into consideration when you’re trying to blend in with a group, or when you can’t figure out what you’re doing wrong. Ergo, dress for the crowd you’d want to chill with.
This is often called the similarity principle, which generally applies superficially. People tend to be drawn to others with similar interests, values, backgrounds, or personality traits, making initial connections more likely based on these commonalities. However, a study published in the Journal of Religion and Health found that deeper relationships may involve attraction to complementary traits beyond surface-level similarities.
5. If you want to get someone on your side, mirror their gestures
This is one of the easiest ways for how to make people like you. Mirroring them subtly tends to give a subliminal message that says, “I understand you. I’m just like you. Look at how in sync we are!”
6. Ask people for things
People like to give, even if they say otherwise. Asking them for favors, even small ones, tends to make them like you just a little bit more.
Things like, “Can I borrow your pen?” or even, “Hey, could you pick me up?” tend to make people feel more positive about you. This is because our brains are wired to start thinking that the recipient would return the favors you give them.
This is often examined through the lens of social interaction and can involve concepts like reciprocity, the Ben Franklin effect, cognitive dissonance, and the fear of rejection. Asking someone for a favor can make them feel more positively toward you, increasing the likelihood of agreeing. However, an article published by Stanford University found that asking itself can be psychologically challenging due to potential discomfort and potential refusal.
7. Manners matter
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Manners don’t cost anything, but signal a lot about you. Being polite tends to be the quickest way to learn how to be likable and get others to like you. On the flip side, being rude and hyper-aggressive tends to show weakness and insecurity, which is precisely what people hate to see in others.
8. Be interested, not interesting
Interesting people make for great TV shows, but in reality, most people don’t want to have folks who blather on about how great they are as friends. A better option? Let people talk about themselves. Ask them questions, or better still, ask them questions about things you know you have in common.
This refers to the idea that actively listening to and showing genuine curiosity about others, rather than trying to be the center of attention with your own stories, is the key to building strong connections and being perceived as a more engaging person. A 2018 study found that actively listening and learning about others makes you more interesting to them than trying to showcase your unique traits.
9. Act like people are already your friend, even if you just met them
One of the coolest lifehacks you’ll ever know is that people tend to give the same energy they get back. If you act like you’re already besties with them, chances are that they will feel the same way soon enough.
Greet them with excitement, tell them how your day was, ask them about theirs, and joke around with them. More often than not, you’ll find them seeing you as friend material fairly quickly.
10. The fastest way to shut down people who try to hurt you or undermine you is with disdain and direct (but polite) confrontation
Most people will not try to mess with someone who they know will call them out on their dirt, nor will they try to engage with people who treat them with disdain. The reason why is that it makes most people feel small, which in turn, makes them freak out and look bad.
If you make a habit of calling people out on their lies or using disdain as a way to haters, people end up liking you more because they notice others respect you more. The fastest way to shut down someone trying to hurt or undermine you is often through confrontation.
This approach involves expressing disapproval and taking a firm stance, showing disdain for their behavior, and making it clear you won't tolerate it. However, a 2020 study found this approach should be used cautiously, as it can escalate situations if not handled carefully.
11. Use your eyes to hook people to you
The eyes really do offer windows into the soul. Did you know that holding eye contact for slightly longer periods (like 3 to 5 seconds) has been proven to help couples fall in love and stay in love? It’s true. It’s a very strong connection builder.
On the other hand, brief (like 1 to 2 seconds) direct eye contact with people tends to make others see you as a more trustworthy person. No eye contact at all makes people feel disengaged, or even worse, suspicious of that person.
12. Never underestimate the power of other people
By nature alone, people want to be around popular individuals. If they overhear you talking about other people’s plans with you, then they will often feel more comfortable around you.
On a similar note, if you mention that other people are coming along with you for an outing, people are more likely to show up. This means you should always acknowledge the significant influence others can have on your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, even if they seem insignificant. A 2014 study concluded that recognizing that people around you can significantly impact your life positively and negatively, and their actions should not be dismissed as unimportant.
13. Last but not least, if you want people to like you, see what they want you to see in them
This is the easiest way to make sure they’ll want to be around you because everyone likes someone who “gets” them.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.