4 Habits People Develop When They Grow Up In A Home Where Nobody Apologized, According To A Therapist
Apologies are more powerful than most people realize.
Nomad Pixel | Shutterstock Growing up, we all had disagreements with our parents and siblings. Navigating familial conflict is part of growing up. In fact, learning to resolve these conflicts is integral to development. However, not all families engage in conflict resolution effectively, and that can result in children growing up without learning important relationship skills.
Therapist Nadia Addesi discussed this in a recent TikTok video, explaining the psychological impact of growing up in a home where nobody apologized. She stressed that children who never learn to give or receive sincere apologies develop four distinct habits in adulthood tied to unresolved emotional needs and a constant search for closure.
Four habits people develop when they grow up in a home where nobody apologized, according to a therapist:
1. Over-explaining their actions
When no one in the family ever takes responsibility for their actions or apologizes, children learn that conflicts aren't resolved through direct conversation. Instead, they may develop the habit of overexplaining themselves to avoid further tension.
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As adults, they tend to offer excessive details when discussing even minor issues. This behavior is a deep-rooted fear of being misunderstood or blamed.
Overexplaining can be a defense mechanism used to ensure that no tension remains about their intentions or actions. As Addesi noted, "When conflict is ignored instead of addressed, it leaves us feeling emotionally unsafe, even if we don’t realize it at the time."
2. Overcommunicating to prevent conflict
In homes where apologies never occur, there can be a sense of emotional tension that is never addressed. These kids inevitably grow into adults who feel the need to overcommunicate in all aspects of their lives.
They might send multiple messages to clarify a point, follow up repeatedly to ensure there are no misunderstandings, or continuously check in with others to maintain peace. The need for constant communication can form from a fear that something will be left unresolved with their peers, which can potentially lead to emotional discomfort or conflict.
HR expert Tim Sackett explained, "Many times, over communicators are individuals who fear direct conflict, and their overcommunication is a veil drawn over their fear of dealing with problems head-on." Unfortunately, this conflict avoidant approach can come across as a person who appears self-righteous and indignant rather than a person who is uncomfortable with hard conversations.
3. Having anxiety about unresolved issues
We’ve all heard about it and we’ve definitely all felt it: anxiety. Anxiety can be a significant outcome from growing up in a home where emotional closure was never achieved through apologies.
Children who were never taught how to process or resolve emotional tension can grow into adults who experience anxiety on a much higher level than other people when something is unresolved. According to Addesi, "It’s because unresolved conflict in childhood trains your nervous system to stay on high alert."
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Whether it’s a personal relationship or a work situation, adults who never learned conflict resolution skills can become fixated on ensuring everything is settled and cleared up, fearing that lingering issues will cause discomfort or escalate into something larger. Or as Addesi wrote, "Without healthy examples of repair or resolution, you grow up feeling like tension is a threat, and your body learns to overcompensate in adulthood by trying to control or resolve everything immediately."
4. Seeking closure at all costs
Everyone needs some sense of closure in any argument, whether that be with a parent, friend, or partner. However, those who grew up in an environment where there were no apologies often have a deeper need for closure.
These children may grow up to seek out resolutions, even when others don’t feel the same urgency as them. They may push for apologies or explanations from others, even when they aren't always needed, because they were never given that sense of closure as children. Addesi explained, "Even after the conversation, it can feel like things are still unsettled, no matter how much you’ve tried to fix them."
Without apologies, understanding, and closure, children often grow up feeling emotionally unsettled, anxious, and driven to seek constant reassurance. Recognizing these patterns can help individuals better understand their own behaviors and begin the healing process. Addesi assured, "The good news is, this cycle can be unlearned. Healing starts with recognizing where these behaviors come from and gently reminding yourself that not all tension is dangerous. It’s okay to pause, breathe, and trust that resolution doesn’t have to happen all at once."
Erika Ryan is a writer working on her bachelor's degree in Journalism. She is based in Florida and covers relationships, psychology, self-help, and human interest topics.