The Most Well-Behaved Children Have Parents Who Always Do These 4 Things, According To A Behavior Analyst
Sometimes all you have to do is listen.
Ana Sha | Shutterstock All parents want a well-behaved child who does what they are told, but this isn't necessarily a realistic expectation. Kids are naturally rowdy — it's all part of development.
That doesn’t mean that parents can’t improve a child’s behavior with a little guidance and reinforcement, however. In fact, it's imperative that parents teach their kids impulse control. Behavior analyst Amanda Elisoph noted that there are four specific things parents can do to ensure their kids are the most well-behaved they can be.
The behavior analyst shared four things parents who have the most well-behaved children always do:
1. They listen to their children
Children may not always have the words or tools to express their needs, but by actively listening, parents can gain insight into what's going on in their lives. Actively listening to their children allows parents to better support them.
When parents listen attentively, children feel valued and respected, which boosts their self-esteem. It shows that their opinions matter and they have a voice in the family structure.
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Listening to your children will open up a line of communication with them. When children know their thoughts are valued, they develop more confidence in their ability to make decisions and solve problems on their own, fostering independence.
Children often give subtle clues about struggles they might be going through. If parents are truly listening, they can pick up on these clues and intervene appropriately.
Listening also helps children process and articulate their emotions. It teaches them to reflect on their feelings and provides an opportunity to validate and understand their emotional experiences.
2. They validate their children’s emotions
When you validate a child's emotions, you create a safe environment where the child feels accepted and understood. Validation helps children recognize and label their emotions. This teaches emotional intelligence by showing them how to manage and understand their feelings. All of this is crucial for their social and emotional development.
It can be hard for kids to express emotions, especially when they lack the life experiences to properly convey how they feel. When parents validate their child’s emotions, they teach them that it’s okay to feel upset or frustrated.
According to Kate Monahan, a developmental psychologist and certified family life educator, “Understanding one’s own emotions promotes healthy psychological development by teaching a child to pay attention to their emotional states.”
3. They give their children explanations when they are denied something
When parents provide explanations, children gain a clearer understanding of the reasoning behind a decision. Children may initially feel disappointed, upset, or angry when they can't have something or do something. However, if parents calmly explain the reasoning behind the decision, it can help children manage their emotions better and process their feelings more effectively.
Sometimes, the explanation involves considering others' needs or feelings, which teaches children empathy. For example, if a child can’t have a toy because a sibling is using it, explaining this can help the child understand the importance of sharing and being considerate.
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When parents take the time to explain their decisions, it shows that they respect their child's intelligence and emotions. This transparency helps build trust in the parent and child relationship. Children are more likely to respect decisions and boundaries when they know they aren't arbitrary but are based on thoughtful reasoning.
4. They stick to their boundaries
Sticking to boundaries teaches children that their actions have consequences. This helps them develop a sense of responsibility for their behavior.
Betsy Holmberg Ph.D., explained that parents should write down their limits when setting boundaries with young children. When children know that boundaries will be enforced, they are more likely to make better choices because they understand that there are limits to what is acceptable. By enforcing boundaries, parents teach children to respect authority and rules.
Boundaries help children understand how to navigate relationships and interact with others. While boundaries may seem restrictive at times, they actually encourage healthy independence.
Inconsistent enforcement of boundaries can lead to power struggles between parents and children. When parents are firm and consistent, children are less likely to push limits or challenge authority constantly.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author with a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.