10 Concrete Signs Of A One-Sided Friendship
If you're always the one texting first, making plans, and being there when it matters — this one's for you.
Elena Zhogol | Shutterstock Not all friendships are created equal. Some feel effortless and mutual, full of late-night drives, check-in texts, and emotional support when you need it most. But others? They slowly start to feel one-sided. You're the one always reaching out, always showing up — somehow it's still not enough.
One-sided friendships can be even more painful than a breakup. The imbalance makes you feel invisible and unimportant. If you're constantly questioning your worth in the relationship, it may be time to take a step back and look for the signs you're the only one putting in the effort.
Here are the 10 concrete signs of a one-sided friendship:
1. They only reach out when they need something
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Cut the cameras, immediately. One of the biggest signs of being in a one-sided friendship is noticing that they only call you when they need a favor. These people might only call you when they need relationship advice or when they need help with how to solve a tricky issue they are facing.
This kind of person doesn’t seem to value true friendship and only views you as a shoulder to cry on, a tutor, or an ATM. In psychology, this falls under the umbrella of transactional relationships, where interactions are based more on getting something than on a genuine connection. Studies on social exchange theory show that when a relationship is skewed — meaning one person is always giving and the other always taking — it's common for the giver to experience higher stress, lower self‑esteem, and feelings of social rejection.
2. You're always the one making plans
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If you're the only one reaching out to your friend and trying to plan a day to hang out, that is another major sign of a one-sided friendship. Your friends should always be eager to see you! Even though you both may have different lives and can be busy most of the time, there is never a time not to see each other.
Everyone involved in a friendship should make the effort to reach out to one another. If they do not do this, it might be time to cut ties.
3. Conversations always come back to them
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It is completely normal to bounce off each other's conversations and relate the topic to something you've experienced. Still, a red flag is when they consistently steer every conversation back to themselves. That’s not reciprocal sharing — that's classic conversational narcissism.
Research by Anita L. Vangelisti from the University of Texas at Austin refers to this as an extreme self-focus in conversation, where one person habitually shifts the topic to themselves or "glazes over" when others speak. Ultimately, these behaviors are rated as less socially attractive.
To maintain a healthy, happy friendship, you both must be interested in each other's lives and stories. That does not mean you need to hog the microphone every time you hang out.
4. They constantly flake on plans
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I'll be the first to admit that I sometimes cancel plans with my best friend because I don't feel like leaving my bed. But I would never flake on her consistently!
If someone is always finding a reason to cancel, it's a sign that they don't prioritize the friendship. In fact, experts say flaking — even if it seems small — is actually a violation of trust. Canceling last-minute can feel like a message of disrespect and cause real emotional distance over time. A Los Angeles Times article reports that people who cancel at the last minute often disrespect their friends' time and unintentionally communicate, "I didn't really want to see you."
People who always find a reason to cancel plans on you (no matter the occasion) are not good friends, period. Stay away from these kinds of people!
5. They never thank you for anything
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I sometimes forget to say this to my friends and family, but that doesn’t mean I don't appreciate them. If your friend consistently skips the simple "thank you," whether it's after you pick them up or cover their meal when they forget their wallet, that's a red flag. This friend seems to take a lot of the things you do and say for granted, and that is not something you should accept.
Gratitude isn't just about manners — it literally shapes how we connect with the people around us. Studies show that saying 'thank you' reinforces others' kindness and establishes a norm of reciprocity in friendships. Skipping out on gratitude repeatedly can send a signal of entitlement or even lead to taking your generosity for granted. And that's not something you should shrug off.
Don’t think that all hope is lost in your friendship. If you truly believe that your friend can come to terms with the toxic behavior they exhibit, I think you can truly mend that friendship, especially if this person has been in your life for years. A true friend will acknowledge their mistakes, take responsibility, and make a real change.
6. They don't check in unless something’s wrong with them
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You could be going through the worst week of your life, and they wouldn’t know ... because they never ask. But the minute they’re upset, your phone blows up.
If your friend only tends to check in when something is going wrong in their life — some type of drama unfolding — chances are you're stuck in a one-sided friendship. These types of relationships don't go anywhere, no matter how much time you invest in them, so take the hint next time they call to rant and let them take their drama elsewhere.
7. They don't show up for your wins
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You got the job, finished the project, hit a big milestone, and they barely react — or worse, don't show up at all. A one-sided friendship often shows itself most clearly in moments of joy, not just crisis.
You deserve a friend who celebrates your wins — a friend who calls without you prompting them, just to check in and see how things are going. If this "friend" isn't jumping up and down at your good news, know that they likely won't be there to support you when things get bad either. Psychologists call it capitalization: sharing good news and having someone cheer you on — not just during hard times, but when things go right — leads to deeper trust and emotional bonding. Even casual celebrations, like grabbing a coffee to toast your win, can significantly strengthen those feelings of support between friends.
8. You walk on eggshells around them
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You second-guess what to say or worry that being honest will make them pull away. That’s not friendship — that’s emotional labor without any return.
Your friends should be the people you're most comfortable being yourself around, not people who you fear or worry about disappointing. If you're constantly walking on eggshells around them, take that as a sign that this relationship might not be one you're both invested in fully — a one-sided friendship that's bound to end in disaster eventually.
9. Your emotional needs never seem to register with them
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When you're upset, they brush it off or change the subject. It’s like your feelings are background noise in a story that only stars them.
Much like how they weren't there to celebrate your wins, a one-sided friendship often won't be there to support you in your lowest points either. And they certainly don't take the time to recognize and react to your emotional needs and cues.
A good friend grows to know you deeply over the course of your friendship, particularly how you feel about certain things and situations. So if you're not feeling understood by them, it's likely you're stuck in a one-sided friendship where you're the only person making the effort to provide emotional support.
10. You feel drained after spending time with them
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Instead of feeling recharged, you leave hangouts feeling tired or dismissed. That low-key burnout? It's your body telling you the friendship isn't mutual. This isn’t just moodiness — it's scientifically recognized as emotional exhaustion. Studies describe how time spent with someone who constantly vents or leans on you without giving back can leave you feeling mentally and sometimes physically depleted.
One-sided friendships can leave you feeling exhausted and vulnerable, but genuine, honest, and fulfilling friendships should leave you feeling rejuvenated and refreshed.
So take your body's signals seriously — if you're constantly feeling drained after spending time with a friend, maybe it's time to take a break, even for a little while. Remember: not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime — some are only meant to teach us something in the moment. And that doesn’t make them any less real or meaningful.
Destiny Duprey is a writer who covers self-care, love and relationships, and astrology topics.
