11 Brilliant Phrases To Use When Someone Owes You An Apology
Set firm boundaries and protect your peace.
Dima Aslanian | Shutterstock Apologies and sympathetic language after conflict can give both parties closure in a relationship, whether they want to continue their connection. From workplace settings to platonic friendships and intimate relationships — there’s always room for a heartfelt apology. Of course, as experts from Harvard Health understand, a great apology is about more than just “I’m sorry.” It’s a culmination of various techniques, from acknowledging offenses to explaining perspectives, expressing remorse, and making amends.
While they’re healthy and productive for everyone in a relationship, some people influenced by pride and misguided superiority refuse to make amends with the people they’ve hurt — struggling to take accountability for their actions at the expense of their ego. Luckily, there are some brilliant phrases to use when someone owes you an apology that can spark closure and remind people of the respect you expect from relationships.
Here are 11 brilliant phrases to use when someone owes you an apology:
1. ‘I’m no longer going to tolerate this behavior’
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It’s important to remember that there’s no need for apologies in these situations. Setting or reaffirming your boundaries is something you should feel confident doing. You don’t owe anyone an apology, especially if they have repeatedly undermined your feelings and made you feel disrespected.
According to neurodiversity coach Jo Nash, setting boundaries isn’t always comfortable, as it requires assertive language that doesn’t come quickly to everyone. However, this phrase embodies an assertive tone without being overly accusatory. To set boundaries, like demanding respect or creating distance in a toxic relationship, you don’t need to force others to behave in a certain way; only remind people of your expectations.
Suggesting that you’re not going to tolerate someone’s manipulation or hurtful comments, especially without their accountability or acknowledgment, is a boundary that everyone should be comfortable setting.
2. ‘Without acknowledgement of your behavior, this is where I’m drawing the line’
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According to the authors of The Accountability of Conduct, it’s human nature to look for “someone to blame” when things go wrong. Even when their behavior or misguided language sparks conflict, people without emotional regulation or introspective skills rely on guilt-tripping others or asserting their victimhood to cope with their discomfort.
Of course, this shifting of blame and desire for apologetic language isn’t just an interpersonal dilemma, like another book titled “Accountability for Criminal Justice” suggests, it’s a societal and institutional concern, as well. We’re all yearning for the stability of accountability, whether in our intimate relationships or on a larger scale with the education sphere or the justice system.
The difference between institutional accountability and our personal lives is that we have the power to separate ourselves from toxic people while isolating ourselves from society, which isn’t necessarily healthy or realistic. Like this phrase, you can use assertive language to set that boundary for space — leaving the door open for an apology without needing to yearn for it during every conversation or interaction.
3. ‘I expect mutual respect in my relationships’
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Mutual respect remains essential to all our interactions, societally, interpersonally, and professionally. However, as a study published in the Journal of Policy Development and Research suggests, mutual understanding and awareness are equally important.
Knowing how people act, why they act the way they do and the values, beliefs, and perspectives that influence them helps one develop interpersonal awareness in conversation and allows one to respect another person with whom one may disagree.
When that respect isn’t mutually embodied — or another person judges you or invalidates your identity — it’s time to express that boundary. While it might be overwhelming, especially with someone you’re in a passive relationship with, a simple phrase like this can do all the work for you.
4. ‘I’m choosing not to engage with you until I feel like my boundaries are respected’
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Suppose an apology is what you need to feel valued and comfortable in a relationship, but your partner, friend, or peer isn’t willing to take accountability. In that case, there’s no reason to continue risking your emotional well-being for an unfulfilling connection.
Don’t let your boundaries waver in the face of someone else’s discomfort. If cutting off contact or taking space away from someone is what you need to feel empowered, nobody should stop you from setting that boundary.
5. ‘I’m not going to continue as if everything is okay’
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Many people, especially in intimate relationships, get caught up in a toxic cycle of stagnancy that overtakes their genuine passion, overlooks their emotional needs, and sabotages healthy communication. We don’t strive for growth but confine ourselves to our comfort zones, tolerating disrespect and lacking apologies to “keep the peace.”
Not only is this people-pleasing behavior incredibly toxic for healthy relationships, as clinical psychologist Monica Vermani C. suggests, but it’s also detrimental to an individual's emotional well-being. By reminding the people in your life that you’re not willing to float through a relationship without accountability, you protect yourself and re-assert a critical boundary.
6. ‘Your choices and actions have an impact on others’
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According to experts from Princeton, calling out disrespect often doesn’t achieve the kind of resolution we’re hoping for amid conflict or following hurtful comments, but “calling in” this bad behavior can help re-assert essential boundaries. Acknowledging disrespect, naming the uncomfortable emotions it makes you feel, and sparking a discussion about moving forward can benefit everyone — asserting a boundary that you don’t tolerate disrespect and acknowledging the impact behind a person’s condescending or hurtful comments.
Remind people of your humanity, suggest a better way to move forward, and remember that you can always create distance when you don’t feel respected in a conversation or relationship.
7. ‘Let’s talk about how we move forward from here’
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According to the author of “The Anxiety Toolkit,” Alice Boyes, hurtful comments that are left unaddressed often spark feelings of anxiety and resentment in a relationship that can sabotage future stability and open lines of communication. By addressing comments, toxic behaviors, and condescension at the moment they occur, alongside solutions for moving forward, especially if someone is averse to apologizing, you can safeguard your emotional well-being.
Prioritize self-compassion — acknowledging your own emotions around a conflict — before you demand a particular response or apology from someone who doesn’t respect you enough to offer it.
8. ‘What steps are you taking to ensure this doesn’t happen again’
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People who are afraid to take accountability or apologize for their mistakes often struggle with internal insecurity fueled by their low self-esteem or anxiety. They’re controlled by their ego and a misguided sense of superiority, making it difficult to take ownership of their hurtful comments or toxic behavior when it puts their image at risk.
By suggesting a clear path, you can find clarity to move forward—whether in a relationship or creating distance. How can I ensure my boundaries are respected? What should be respected in our conversations? Why did you speak poorly towards me? What’s the next step for us?
Figure out what will mean most to you moving forward, and open a conversation about “calling in” their disrespect.
9. ‘You need to take ownership of your actions if we want to move forward’
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While some people might opt for “calling in” disrespect with an honest conversation or creating space in their relationship, another option is choosing one of the brilliant phrases to use when someone owes you an apology, like this one, and directly asking for an apology. Express what hurt you and the apology you need to move forward and let them decide how much your relationship means to them.
While admitting their wrongdoings won’t be easy, as marriage and family therapist Jennifer Litner admits, you remove yourself from dwelling over a future apology or building unnecessary resentment in your relationship. Tell them what you need and then set clear boundaries for what happens if they choose not to apologize.
10. ‘This isn’t the first time you’ve invalidated my emotions’
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If you’ve been burdened with resentment in a relationship over unkept promises and lacking accountability, those uncomfortable feelings won’t simply disappear — they must be acknowledged and addressed. You can address them all at once by opening up a conversation about when you’ve been hurt and your partner’s or peer’s inability to take healthy accountability.
Whether the outcome is positive or negative, you can move forward with a better understanding of what you need in the relationship to feel secure. You can create space and re-assert boundaries as required.
11. ‘I consistently don’t feel like the best version of myself when I’m around you’
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There are many reasons you might feel emotionally drained or negative with certain individuals, including issues like a lack of trust, lingering resentment, or feelings of disrespect. Identifying these emotional vampires in your life can be challenging. Still, once you connect your feelings of fatigue and exhaustion to a particular person, it becomes simpler to establish clear boundaries.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.