Bride-To-Be Questions If She's Wrong For Not Inviting A Friend To Her Engagement Dinner Because She's A 'New Parent'
The bride-to-be stopped reaching out to her friend after one too many rejections.
Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock Becoming a new parent is quite the challenge — there’s no doubt about that. But after one mom repeatedly turned down her friend’s attempts to hang out, the woman eventually stopped trying and didn’t even bother inviting her to her engagement dinner.
The bride-to-be questioned if she was wrong for not inviting the friend to her engagement dinner because she’s a ‘new parent.’
In her Reddit post, the bride-to-be explained that she has a friend group from college. One of these friends, who she referred to as Millie, got married and had a baby around two years ago.
“The problem is that she always turns down invitations,” the woman wrote. “At the beginning, I was understanding. She is a new parent who just doesn’t have time to meet up.”
However, the woman eventually grew tired of always reaching out just to be rejected.
“I don’t understand why it is so difficult to leave to get brunch one day,” the woman contended. “She has a partner — it shouldn’t be difficult to be gone for a few hours. She has missed event after event.” When the mom does attend an event, she “makes a big deal” about needing to bring her baby along.
The Reddit poster admitted that she hadn’t seen Millie since Christmas, so when she got engaged and planned a dinner to celebrate, she decided not to invite her.
Two nights after the dinner, the woman received a call from an offended Millie.
“She was upset that she wasn’t invited and saw the event picture online,” the woman wrote. “She told me that I was being unfair and that she would have made time for the party.”
They went back and forth and the conversation eventually spiraled into an argument. Millie claimed that the woman was being "unfair" and couldn't understand her struggle because she wasn’t a parent.
“I told her if she actually cared, she would have showed up to events,” the bride-to-be retorted. “A few hours every month shouldn’t be that difficult.”
It’s not easy being a mom and balancing a social life, but it is possible.
Millie was reasonably upset because she wasn’t invited to celebrate a momentous occasion in her friend's life. Although she may have constantly turned down invites, sometimes just being invited goes a long way.
The stress and overwhelm of being a new parent is certainly an understandable reason to detach from your social life, as parenthood marks a significant change in your life. From postpartum depression to restless nights, there are countless elements contributing to a lack of social interactions after having a baby.
Your child takes precedence over everything else during the initial years of their life, so your connections with others may be difficult to maintain and eventually fall off.
Leszek Glasner | Shutterstock
However, this constant state of exhaustion and hard work is all the more reason to ensure you prioritize quality time with yourself and your friends after becoming a parent. In fact many experts agree it's essential for moms to prioritize time away from their kids.
Licensed clinical social worker Claire Lerner wrote in an article for PBS, "Breaks are necessary. If you don’t get the rest you need, you are less likely to be the engaged, responsive, playful parent you want to be and that your child needs."
In simpler terms, if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of your kids, and that includes nurturing and maintaining friendships.
Unless they have a reliable support system, it can be difficult for single parents to do this. However, as the bride-to-be shared, Millie has a partner. If she is in a healthy and supportive relationship, her partner should be able to care for the baby for a few hours so she can get out of the house. After all, balance is essential to maintain a stable mental state.
Based on the woman's description of Millie's actions, it's indicative that she either has a partner who is not willing to help, she has separation anxiety from her baby, or she simply can't relate to her childless friends anymore.
Reddit users insisted that the bride-to-be was valid in her decision not to invite Millie, as their connection had clearly become one-sided.
Despite Millie’s valid struggles in balancing a social life with motherhood duties, her lack of effort ultimately resulted in her friend’s decision not to invite her to her engagement dinner.
Reddit users argued that while being a new mom is a valid reason to miss out on certain experiences, after two years, she should be able to spend a few occasional hours with her friends.
“The kid is [2 years old] now; she should have established some kind of routine at this point,” one commenter wrote. “Unless her child has medical reasons why Millie needs to be with her 24/7, she should be able to leave [her] with her spouse, babysitter, grandparents.”
“If someone keeps refusing invites, I see it as a hint that they don't want to hang out anymore,” another user pointed out.
Many Reddit users related to the experience of constantly reaching out to friends only to be turned down. They reasoned that if one individual is always taking initiative in making plans, it’s understandable that they’ll eventually stop trying, especially if the other person consistently says no.
We don’t know the circumstances of Millie’s situation, but she has likely experienced a drastic shift in her energy levels and priorities in the two years since she became a mom. Drifting away from friends is bound to happen throughout our lives, but we always have the power to make an effort to prioritize these connections.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.