Boyfriend Says Girlfriend's Expectations Are 'Too High' After She Wants To Save $30K By Moving In Together & Getting Married
Financial compatibility is more important than most couples realize.
Perfect Wave | Shutterstock.com Feeling gaslit and confused about her relationship stability, a 23-year-old woman took to the “Two Hot Takes” Reddit forum to ask for advice on how to move forward with her 32-year-old boyfriend.
Despite being together for almost 5 years, she said her boyfriend “blew up on her” for suggesting they prepare financially to move in together and get married.
A woman is worried her boyfriend will end their relationship over her ‘high expectations’ regarding their future.
Like most couples who have been together for a while, she explained that they had talked about the future, including a timeline for moving in together and getting married. She was straightforward in her expectations, explaining in her post, "I told him I wouldn’t move out with him until I paid off my credit cards and had 10K emergency fund saved up."
She met that goal, but instead of searching for shared housing, the relationship became strained.
“During a recent conversation, I casually mentioned that I expect a wedding to cost about 20K and a couple of weeks after that he had a huge blow up on me saying it’s ridiculous for me to expect him to essentially have 30K sitting in the bank for us to progress in our relationship (move out and get married). He said that will never happen and I have too high expectations that put so much pressure on him that sometimes he’d rather be alone and not have the pressure."
She was a bit taken aback by his reaction, explaining, "I never expected him to have these funds on his own."
“I thought it was wise to save [the emergency fund] now, while it’s possible — we’re living with low household expenses, because we both pay minimal rent… I don’t think I’m being bougie, dramatic, or wrong for expecting him to have savings.”
She said these recent discussions about money have been unsettlingly stressful, making her question the strength of their relationship.
Instead of getting vulnerable about his struggle to save money, he accused her of setting “impossibly high expectations,” conveniently forgetting that they made those financial goals together.
Outside of their financial disagreements, she asserted that their relationship is solid.
People Images Yuri A | Shutterstock.com
She insisted in her post that he is an "amazing boyfriend," who, "plans amazing dates, supports my hobbies, helps care for my dog, makes me a priority in his life in so many ways and I am head over heels in love."
However, she inserted a wrench in her glowing remarks, stating, "But I feel like I should be cautious of his views on money because I know that stress has a high chance of breaking us up which is why I was asking for some advice."
Financial incompatibility can ruin even the most loving relationships.
Given this young woman’s ability to cover almost 70% of their expected expenses if they were to move in together, many commenters urged her to consider the way that could drive a wedge in their relationship.
Many argued her boyfriend would “inevitably grow resentful” of their financial differences and expectations — if he wasn't already.
It doesn’t have to be difficult to have honest conversations about money, but only if both partners are willing to set their egos aside.
VeryWellMind noted that before even talking about marriage, couples should be talking about money. That includes all of your individual "financial habits." From there you can determine "financial dealbreakers" for the relationship. But it's something that has to be done together because not everyone has the same views on money and savings.
Additionally, the outlet stressed that if your current partner "has a truly incompatible or unhealthy relationship with money, it may be a reason to pause and reconsider your compatibility."
If things are already growing tense, and he’s unable to discuss money matters in a way that is meaningful to furthering their relationship, then moving in together, getting married, and starting a family certainly isn’t going to help.
She needs to be clear and firm in communicating with him that if they can't discuss these issues now, they cannot move forward together.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories