Woman Asks If She's Wrong For Telling Her Husband's Kids She Makes More Money Than Him After They Accused Her Of Being A 'Gold Digger'
She only presented them with the facts after their wrongful assumption.
BearFotos / Shutterstock It can be difficult for kids to accept their parents moving on, especially after a loss. Unfortunately, that can impact the relationship with stepparents.
One woman refused to be falsely ridiculed and judged after her stepchildren assumed she married their dad for his wealth.
The woman revealed the truth about her husband’s finances, informing them how ‘broke’ he was when they met.
She took to Reddit’s AITA forum to ask if she was wrong for airing out her husband’s business to his kids after they insinuated she was a gold digger.
For context, she explained that she is 38 and has been married to her husband, Rob, 52, for four years. His wife passed away a year before they met, and they dated for two years before getting married.
She stated that she has experienced tension with his kids, Madison, 28, and Brett, 26, throughout her entire relationship with him.
“I am not calling them my stepkids because they explicitly told me I am not their stepmom, just their dad's wife. I didn't play a part in raising them, so I’m OK with that,” she wrote. “I've tried my best to be kind to them and have been generous when I can be, but they are very cold with me. Being a child of divorce, I can partially relate to a parent moving on, so I try not to force anything.”
Madison recently got engaged. She was disappointed to find out her dad would only be able to contribute $10,000 to her wedding, which, to her, was not enough. She expressed how she had "bigger hopes" for the event and pressed for more, but Rob was unwavering in his budgeted amount. What Madison failed to understand was just how hard her dad had been working to build his savings back up.
“Before his late wife died, he basically wiped out his cash savings, had to cash out his 401k, and even took a small mortgage on his house to cover medical costs as well as life expenses since he had to cut back on working,” the woman explained. “Eventually he had to drop that job for a more flexible but lower paying one, so this 10k is actually really generous from him.”
The stepdaughter asked the woman personally if she would be contributing any additional funds to her wedding.
After Rob stepped out for an errand, Madison took the opportunity to question the woman about what she'd be contributing to her wedding despite her refusal to accept her as family.
“I told her we’re a marital unit and that's what we discussed together as a reasonable amount to contribute,” the woman said. “She then said, ‘I should have known obviously you married an older man for what he had, not for what you could give.’”
To this, the woman was taken aback and swiftly corrected the girl.
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“I knew she didn't like me, but this is the most flat-out rude thing she ever said,” the woman expressed. “I kinda lost it and said, ‘Excuse me, who do you think has been paying the second mortgage your dad took out to pay his debts?’”
The woman explained that she makes more money than her husband “by a large margin,” she has no debt, and she has paid for most of their bills since they got married. Understandably, she took great offense to the girl’s assumption that she was taking advantage of Rob when all she had done was try to help him get into a better position.
“The 10k we’re giving her is available because I've been able to subsidize her father's living expenses the last few years,” the woman added. “I made it clear that not only am I not a gold digger, I'm literally wealthier than my ‘older husband.’ She called me stuck up after this and stormed out.”
Rob wasn't too happy after Madison told her dad about the argument.
The girl soon called her dad to tell on the woman, additionally spreading an awful lie to drive a wedge in between their marriage. Madison claimed the woman blamed her mom’s sickness for them not being able to contribute a larger wedding budget.
“I told him what happened and he was mad at her but also said I shouldn't have shared his financial details with his kids,” the woman explained.
Vadym Pastukh / Shutterstock
While the woman may have been out of line in revealing Rob’s financial situation to his kids without his knowledge, she was simply providing Madison with the facts. Not only was the woman defending her integrity as Rob’s partner, but she also aimed to open the girl’s eyes to what was really going on with her dad’s finances, something she clearly knew nothing about.
In fact, Rob may be doing his kids an injustice by withholding valuable information about his finances.
Reddit users argued that as adults, Rob’s kids should be aware of his financial situation.
“Just buried my dad, and it was $23K. He had insurance to cover, and it was to his specs. Even basics with cremation is $8-10K. And the medical debt,” someone shared personally. “I get trying to shield the kids from that emotional and financial stuff but he needs to come clean to his kids on what a turn of life can do to your finances.”
Rob's kids are certainly old enough to understand their dad's financial situation, especially now that one is getting married and complaining about her unmet expectations.
“You do your kids a disservice by hiding hard truths like this,” another person suggested. “It's hard to blame them for being bratty about money if they are literally unaware of finances and you've never taught them.”
“His kids aren’t minors; they are grown. And one is getting married. And thinks $10k isn’t a generous gift,” someone else emphasized. “She pressed on even after being told her dad can’t afford to give more. Clearly she needed a wakeup call on how much her dad’s actual net worth [is].”
The girl wrongfully accused and disrespected the woman, so her truthful response was understandable.
Madison may be a grown woman, but she exhibited childish and immature behavior. While losing a parent to an illness is an unimaginable pain that alters a person, she should be more empathetic and understanding. If it weren’t for her stepmom, she and her family would likely be in a much worse situation.
Additionally, it isn’t fair for Rob to allow his kids to believe lies about their stepmom when she has only done everything in her power to help them.
While the relationship between kids and their stepparents can be a rocky road to acceptance, understanding the reality of their relationship could bridge the gap and help heal this family. There’s nothing wrong with learning the truth.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.