6 Behaviors Of Men Who Grow Old Alone And Disconnected, According To Psychology
Research says these subtle habits can quietly steer men toward isolation in later life.
Noah Clark | Unsplash I’m surrounded by men regularly. Most of my friends are male, and the truth is, they are generally good to their girlfriends. Those that aren’t tend to stay a friend of mine until I find out how they treat their exes.
Being a person who hangs out with men has a lot of perks. I get to hear both sides of relationship issues. I get to have a go-to dude for my roofing needs.
For every genuinely awesome dude I meet, there are also going to be about three or four that make me rethink my choices. These are the type of men who tend to grow old alone and disconnected. It’s sad but it’s true. A lot of men are too toxic to befriend or date, and these behaviors are the worst and most common red flags I see.
Here are the behaviors of men who grow old, alone, and disconnected:
1. Hating women
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If you’re female and you hear a guy friend say misogynistic stuff, get out of there. Don’t debate him, just say that your friendship is through because his attitudes towards women are appalling and leave.
If you’re male, remember that guys who can’t view women as people can and will goad you into toxic, depressing, and angst-inducing mindsets.
2. Placing their entire worth on their careers
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Did you ever notice how many men place their entire worth on their careers? Like, they won’t understand why women reject them if they have a six-figure career or own a house. They also can’t understand why people don’t want to befriend them if they have a certain title.
This shows a major lack of emotional intelligence. They see money as morals. Guess what happens if you befriend them. If you’re a woman, they’ll accuse you of wanting their money. If you’re a guy, they’ll see you as lesser if you don’t make as much as they do.
Money does not equal personality. Money is not a pile of morality tickets. If you want to befriend these guys as career allies or buddies, go for it. Otherwise, steer clear.
Men often derive a significant portion of their self-worth and identity from their careers, with success and competence at work playing a crucial role in their self-esteem and overall well-being. A 2019 study found that while men and women value career advancement and job characteristics like opportunities to advance and pay well, women are more likely than men to value jobs that help society.
3. Being a hothead
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A person who can’t control their temper is a major liability and a majorly unstable person. Make no mistake about it. If he can’t control his rage against his girlfriend or drinking buddies, it’ll eventually end up getting turned against you.
For some reason, a lot of guys write off tempers as "just a guy thing." People, it’s not. It’s not a show of masculinity! It’s a show of weakness.
If you have to throw fists and scream to get what you want, you’ve already lost. It’s toxic.
Seriously, stop respecting men who use fists and shouting to get what they want. It gets everyone hurt. Besides, these are the types of men who end up hitting their partners. Also not cool!
4. Undermining and negging people
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We recently had this with a male acquaintance of ours during a recent outing. I’d say something, then he’d "correct me" and say he "doesn’t believe in it." My husband would say something, then the guy would one-up him.
I had to explain it to him: this guy is trying to pull power plays. He’s being abusive and manipulative on a small scale, and it never stays small. The behavior escalates. Don’t befriend people like this. It never turns out well regardless of gender.
According to a 2020 study, men who feel their masculinity is threatened might undermine their partners or those they are attracted to, potentially through behaviors like emotional withdrawal, anger, or even violence, as a way to reassert their perceived status. Socialization plays a significant role in shaping men's perceptions of themselves and their relationships and can lead to behaviors that undermine others.
5. Obsessing over someone's 'packaging'
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My mom often points out how "obsessed with packaging" our society has become. By packaging, she means looks.
I’ll say this much: she’s right. What would have been adequate or even "extra" in 1990 is considered to be baseline beauty standards for many cliques today.
I've noticed that a lot of men — particularly toxic ones — won’t even consider women as friends who don’t look like they stepped out of Instagram feeds.
Imagine their surprise when they find out the girls they chase are either totally uninterested in them or have no interests outside of chasing beauty. Needless to say, people who tend to be this shallow also tend to have lots of narcissism.
Even if you are hot enough to pass their arbitrary standards, you’ll always question if they’ll stick around if your glitz fades. No thanks.
While men, like women, can experience body image issues and appearance obsessions, men's focus often centers around muscularity and fitness, potentially leading to unhealthy behaviors and mental health concerns. Some research suggests that men prioritize physical attractiveness in potential mates, while women value qualities like ambition and kindness.
6. Living a rap video life
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As someone who’s actively a fan of the hip-hop scene and hangs out with rappers on a somewhat regular basis, I feel like this is something I need to point out. It’s a toxic behavior and it’s one that I’ve noticed pretty heavily in some circles I hang out in.
It’s an attitude most prevalent in the suburbs near cities that are near me. More specifically, I see it a lot with college kids who have never actually faced adversity in their sweet little lives. However, you’ll occasionally see street kids behave this way too.
What is Rap Video Syndrome, you ask?
This is the pattern/personality trait of men who are constantly flashing cash, bragging about how many women they bed, often make a point of treating women poorly, and then ride off in their modded secondhand Hondas.
Why? Because that’s what "makes them the man!" Do you know why this is toxic? Let me explain:
- They’re basing their whole masculinity on treating people, usually women, badly for money. While they tend to be proud of using women for money, the truth is that it’s not just girls. These guys will turn on their best friends if it means they’ll get more cash in their wallets.
- It makes you forget what makes a man. Men (and women) are defined by the sum of their actions. If all you do is use others so you can accumulate status symbols, you’re a bad person. Bling never made the man. Men made the bling.
- It reeks of insecurity.
Toxic machismo is a thing in the hip-hop scene, and people are starting to call people out on it. Frankly, I’m all for it and I’m all for the new wave of women rappers. It needed to change, and I’m thankful it’s starting to change even more.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.