Online Dating? Make Sure You're On The Same Page

You've read all of the dating tips. You put your profile online. You weed out the creepy guys, the poor spellers, the stalkers, the old men, the guys who winked and the guys who give their phone number in the first email. Naturally, you're left with a small core of decent men. You write back to a few. You flirt. You exchange private emails. You talk on the phone. You meet for coffee. Everything's going swimmingly. You actually like one of the guys! This is all great, except for one fact: you may have forgotten is that he’s doing this with five other women.

Listen, it's easy to blame guys for being non-committal shoppers who are always looking for the next best thing. It's a lot harder to come to terms with the fact that, as a woman (especially if you’re under the age of 35), you've likely done the same thing. In fact, most women younger than 35 don’t quite appreciate how good they have it. Their inboxes get filled with scores of emails — admittedly, mostly from undesirable men with a few golden nuggets thrown in. On the other hand, the average man has to write 10 emails to get two replies and rarely, if ever, receives an unsolicited contact.

And as I’ve written before, if you are a 27-year-old woman, you’re at the top of the dating totem pole. Same for a 37-year-old man. If you’re on a website and legitimately have the option of being able to land the cutest, smartest, most successful person out there, it’s hard to blame you for being picky, isn’t it?

This is what both genders fail to appreciate about each other. Men think women are rude for not writing back; they never consider that those women might have dozens of other men courting them. Women think men are players for not committing. They never consider that those men might be marriage-minded and struggling to find the right fit.

Online dating is truly a leveling of the playing field—not a tilting in the man’s favor. And the more desirable the person is — be it because of looks, money, education or intellect — the more likely that you’ll have a hard time getting that person to settle down on you. The "best" candidates know they have great power and are intent on exploring it. Keep Reading...

More online dating advice from YourTango:

• Online Dating Tips for Single Men
• 3 Essential Tips For Online Dating
• 5 Important Tips For Online Dating Success

So what is the right way to combat this if you’re a woman? Mostly by not sweating it. You can’t control what a man does; you can only control your actions and reactions to him. Better yet, try approaching each new guy with the blind confidence that he’s going to adore you. After all, men love confidence. Alternately, the more you worry about how often he’s logging on, who else he’s dating and why he hasn’t taken his profile down after two emails with you, the more likely you are to come across as needy.

Frankly, I think this is way too much analysis for a pretty simple situation. When a guy is crazy about a woman, he does whatever is in his power to make her his girlfriend as soon as he's sure. If he fails to do that, she’s just ignoring the writing on the wall.

It all comes down to behavior: act confident, stable and engaging, and you're sure to have better luck with online dating.