5 Phrases Narcissists Use That Unintentionally Reveal Their Evil Intentions
When it comes to narcissistic abuse, the warning signs are almost always there.
Kiselev Andrey Valerevich | Shutterstock Narcissistic abuse, like many other forms of abuse, is often hard to pick up on until it's too late. But according to experts on narcissism, there are often red flags and warning signs long before the abuse is apparent. These signs often come down to very simple, off-handed remarks a narcissistic abuser will make. Knowing how to spot them, however, is the first step in protecting yourself.
Five phrases narcissists use that are clues to their evil intentions:
1. 'I'm not a good person, you know.'
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As Maya Angelou famously said, when someone tells you who they are, believe them. This phrase is used to give the narcissist a free pass to say or do something hurtful without taking responsibility for it. It pushes the blame onto the victim.
Dr. John Paul Garrison, a clinical and forensic psychologist, explained, "In relationships, narcissists can be manipulative and emotionally abusive, using a range of tactics to control and undermine their partners. One of the most insidious of these tactics is gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation that involves making the victim question their own sanity, memory, and perception of reality."
Dr. Garrison explained that this phrase is similar to a narcissist saying, "To be honest with you..." It's a way of gaslighting by pretending to be "truthful and straightforward, while in reality, they may be using it as an excuse to be hurtful and manipulative."
2. 'You knew what you were getting into.'
Blame-shifting and projection are key parts of the narcissist's arsenal, and this phrase typically comes after they've already revealed to you who they are and you've confronted them with the truth.
Charlie Health explained, "A narcissistic partner may often avoid taking responsibility for their actions by shifting the blame onto the victim — a control tactic commonly seen in abusive relationships."
3. 'I like watching people squirm.'
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Narcissists famously use jokes and humor as a way to hurt others without taking responsibility for their actions. It turns into others not being able to take a joke rather than the narcissist being abusive. Their humor is often when they reveal their true identity and nature. They'll use this phrase when talking about altercations with others.
A research paper from 2022 found that the reason narcissists prefer this style of humor is because it's "seen as an ability that narcissists [use] to impress and be admired by others." Basically, they get a thrill out of using wit to impress others, and they get the added benefit of hiding their manipulation and abuse behind jokes.
4. 'You'd do the same if you were me.'
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Again, it's all about projection and table-turning with narcissists, and this is another phrase they use to do it. This phrase is an attempt to justify their behavior by "universalizing" it into something anyone would do.
Dr. Garrison explained, "People with narcissistic personality will use threats of exposure or embarrassment to keep their partner in line, making them feel as though they have something to hide. This can make the victim feel like they are living in fear of being exposed." They are basically saying, "I'm a bad person, and now you are too... don't make me tell everyone."
5. 'You make me do things I don't want to do.'
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Projection, projection, projection. This phrase is used as an excuse to try to make you feel sorry for them, but the underlying message is far more direct: "I choose to hurt you, and I want you to believe it's your fault."
Therapist Dr. Les Carter said this deflecting tactic is something that narcissists are famous for. He explained, "Narcissists want to establish and maintain control, and they want the final word, which means you are supposed to fall in line with their preferences and proclamations."
He furthered, "Narcissists do not want to be challenged. They do not want to be confronted, nor do they wish to hear that there is a path to take or an opinion to consider that differs. Narcissists are pathologically defensive, and when you disagree, they are unable to discuss it at face value. They consider you to be offensive, which means you must be neutralized."
Sloane Bradshaw is a writer and essayist focused on mental health and human interest topics.
