Woman Wonders If Boyfriend’s Disappointing Proposal Is Worth Breaking Up Over — ‘Is This A Red Flag?’
This proposal had her asking "Does he know me at all?"
Dragana Gordic | Shutterstock Some people picture their dream proposals their entire lives, whether they want an intimate engagement or a flashy event with their entire family present. It's a magical moment that you'll tell your friends and family about for years to come, so it's hard not to want the perfect story.
Things don't always go according to plan, however, and one woman's proposal was so far off from what she wanted that she's considering breaking up because of it.
The woman is wondering if her boyfriend's disappointing proposal is worth breaking up over.
"My boyfriend recently proposed to me, and I said no — not because I don’t want to marry him, but because of how he did it," the anonymous woman wrote to Mercury News columnist Harriette Cole.
She explained that her partner proposed at a baseball game in front of a big crowd. "It felt completely wrong for me," she admitted. "I don’t even like sports, and he knows that. I’ve always dreamed of a more intimate and meaningful proposal, something that reflects who we are as a couple. Instead, I felt caught off guard, uncomfortable, and even a little embarrassed."
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As a result, she "panicked and said no in the moment."
While she's worried she overreacted, the botched proposal also has her questioning their entire relationship. "The thing is, this isn’t just about the proposal itself," she wrote. "It makes me question whether he truly understands me and what I value. If he had put thought into making it personal and special, I would’ve said yes in a heartbeat."
Henrietta Cole suggested the couple have an open conversation.
"Sit down and talk to your boyfriend," Cole advised. Apologize for reacting so strongly and negatively to his proposal. Explain that he caught you off guard. Then tell him specifically how you felt."
"Remind him that you don’t like sports, so you felt like his proposal did not take you or your feelings into consideration at all. This led you to wonder if he knows what you value," she continued. "Tell him that you are open to marrying him, but now you are concerned whether you two are on the same page. Ask him to share his reasons for proposing in that way. Try not to be accusatory as you talk to him, or he might clam up and stop talking."
An open and honest discussion is always a good first step. However, this woman doesn't necessarily have anything to apologize for. It doesn't seem that she had a specific, hard-to-achieve vision for her proposal. Rather, she wanted one that was intimate and reflective of them as a couple. That is not an outrageous expectation.
The woman should reflect on the proposal, as it may offer some insight into their relationship.
"While disappointing, a bad proposal experience can actually be a blessing in disguise," Brides.com noted. "Examining what happened can help explain to you how to move forward with the relationship."
"If you had a 'bad proposal,' take some time to reflect on it, particularly the question: Why did they choose that place, that time, those words? What does it say about them? About you as a couple?" they continued. "It may offer you a greater understanding of your partner and your life ahead with him."
In this case, this anonymous woman is not a fan of sports and did not want a big, public proposal, yet that's exactly what she got. By reflecting, she may come to realize that she doesn't care too much about the specifics of the proposal. Or, she might decide that the fact that her boyfriend didn't know what she would prefer is a bad sign that he wasn't paying attention.
Alexis Faible is a writer with a Bachelor's in fashion design and a Master's in journalism, covering fashion, relationships, and human-interest stories.
