Mom Told To 'Calm Down' When She Stops Another Kid From Bullying Hers At The Playground
Kids aren't the only bullies on the playground.
Lopolo | Shutterstock Ah, the playground — where little kid dreams are made, and a parent's patience is tested. Case in point: One mom was caught in drama after stepping in to stop an older child from taking the toy her toddler was playing with.
As her son tried to advocate for himself, this mom found herself face-to-face with another parent, who promptly told her to “calm down.” Turning to Reddit for answers, she asked if helping her young son was out of line or if she was just another victim of playground bullying.
A mom said the parent of a bully told her to 'calm down' when she was protecting her son.
It's normal for parents to give their kids some space when it comes to peer conflict; after all, they’ve got to learn to hold their own in the world, and what better place to start than the playground? But there's a fine line between letting kids fend for themselves and standing by while they get bullied.
The real question is, how do you advocate for your child without turning into the overly zealous referee who gets tossed out of the game? It’s a fine line between “good parenting” and “Oh no, here comes the helicopter parent.” In this case, the mom wasn’t trying to play the role of the playground sheriff. She simply wanted to help her son assert himself without taking over the situation.
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Here's how it went down. She wrote, "My three-year-old was playing with a park toy when another, much older boy came up and took over. I observed for a moment to let it play out before gently encouraging my son to advocate for himself, reminding him that he wasn’t finished playing yet. I saw him trying to talk to the boy and ask nicely for a few more minutes."
Everything seems like reasonable parenting at this point. Don't forget, this woman's child is only three! "When I noticed it wasn’t going well, I walked over and asked if he had spoken up for himself. He told me he had — four times. At that point, I said, 'It’s not nice when others don’t listen. Let’s find something else to do.' Just then, the other boy’s mother walked over, overheard me, and got upset."
She removed her child from the situation without it escalating while teaching him a lesson about walking away instead of fighting. That apparently didn't quite fly with the older boy's mom.
The mom said she was confronted by the other boy's mom, who didn't appreciate her intervention.
Unfortunately, the other boy's mom wouldn't let the 3-year-old's mom simply walk away with her son. The other mom asked, “Weren’t they just playing together?” She wrote, "I told her they weren’t and explained that I was simply encouraging my son to stand up for himself since he hadn’t finished with the toy."
Well, that's when things came to a head. In what can only be described as a playground bullying incident, the other mom said to her, "Well, they’re just kids. You need to calm down. I’m his mother, and I can tell him what to do." It even feels uncomfortable to read this interaction! The mom on Reddit wrote, "I responded, 'If that’s the case, then you need to do a better job watching your son. If you don’t want other parents managing a situation for you, then pay more attention.'"
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Okay, put your popcorn tubs away. The bully kid's mom responded by calling her "ridiculous" and then walked away. But the key takeaway from this encounter is that parents can clash just like toddlers, even though they are the ones setting an example. In a perfect world, both moms could’ve calmly shared their perspectives and walked away with a better understanding.
Imagine the dream scenario: “Oh, I see what you’re saying, I’m just trying to teach my kid to stand up for himself,” followed by a shared laugh about how toddlers never quite get the concept of “waiting their turn.” That's exactly what Catherine Main, Senior Lecturer and Program Coordinator at the University of Illinois at Chicago College of Education, told the Neighborhood Parents Network when asked about parental playground disputes. She said, “It’s really important that parents have a lot of empathy for one another — and try to be supportive of one another.” She added, "This is not easy. There are not right and wrong ways all the time. You also have to be able to forgive yourself because you’re going to make a lot of mistakes. And that’s okay. Your kids will forgive you.”
In a perfect world, parents would have each other's backs and support one another.
Unfortunately, we live in the real world, where kids throw tantrums over toys and parents occasionally get pulled into playground drama. It’s important to teach empathy, and the best way to do that, especially with young kids, is to mirror the behavior.
This situation could have been a teachable moment for both boys. The mom stepping in could have used a softer approach, while the other mom could have had a bit more understanding of her child’s behavior. After all, empathy is key — whether you’re advocating for your child, listening to another parent’s perspective, or just trying to make it through the day without engaging in a playground showdown.
As Main explained, “The key thing is always keeping in mind I want my child to realize that 1) I am a safe adult and always will be that safe adult and consistent and calm, and 2) remember, they’re watching you and that’s really where they learn. You can think you’re telling them something, but they learn from watching you.”
Erika Ryan is a writer working on her bachelor's degree in Journalism. She is based in Florida and covers relationships, psychology, self-help, and human interest topics.
