Your Parents Did An Incredible Job Raising You If You Say No To These 11 Things
The things you are willing to say no to reveal a whole lot about your character.
Nicoleta Ionescu / Shutterstock Raising kids is an exercise in patience, endurance, and repetition, often in the most literal way. Parents spend a significant amount of time telling their kids the same rules, over and over. They make continuous announcements about what’s allowed and what’s off-limits: no screens at dinner, no hitting your sister, no skateboarding in the house. Some parents worry that saying “no” creates a critical atmosphere, but being told “no” is one of the most valuable gifts kids can receive.
Hearing the word “no” helps kids feel safe and protected. Whenever your parents said no, they gave you permission to say no, too. Saying no taught you to set boundaries and stand up for yourself. It showed you how to honor your needs without hesitation. Your parents did an incredible job raising you if you say no to things that cross your comfort level and compromise your values.
Your parents did an incredible job raising you if you say no to these 11 things
1. Fake friendships
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You say “no” to investing energy in fake friendships because your parents did an incredible job raising you to know your worth. You see yourself as a high-value person, which means you have high standards for the company you keep. You don’t have time for superficial connections with people who only show up when it’s convenient for them.
According to psychologist Dr. Maria Franco, unhealthy friendships can be defined by “a breakdown in perspective taking,” which occurs when one person thinks their needs are more important than the other person’s. In a healthy friendship, “people… balance their own needs and our needs and try to collaborate and figure out how to navigate things in a way that is a win-win and suits both of us.”
You understand that true friendship is based on reciprocity, which is why you say “no” to fake friends who take more than they give.
2. Being passive-aggressive
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Your parents did an incredible job raising you with solid communication skills, so you say “no” to passive-aggressive behavior. They helped you find the language you needed to express yourself and ask for what you want directly, so you didn’t act out in a passive-aggressive way.
According to psychologist Dr. Linda Sapadin, kids fall into a pattern of passive aggressive behavior because they’re taught to tamp down negative feelings and say “yes” when they really want to say “no.”
Learning to say no with compassion is essential for assertive communication. As Dr. Sapadin pointed out, “Saying ‘no’ can help you create limits, establish priorities, build character and make your ‘yes’ more meaningful.”
“The more assertive you become, the more confident you’ll feel,” she explained. “The more confident you’ll feel, the more you’ll be able to speak your mind, share your feelings and express your opinions in a comfortable and carefree manner.”
3. Unrealistic expectations
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Saying “no” to unrealistic expectations shows that your parents did an incredible job raising you to embrace progress over perfection. They didn’t put pressure on you to be anyone other than yourself, so you learned to see yourself as inherently enough. As a result, you say no to any perfectionist tendencies that creep into your life.
Certified life coach Ellen Nyland pointed out that perfectionism thrives on impossibly high expectations. Perfectionists are too focused on all the ways they fell short of their goals to celebrate what they were able to accomplish. According to Nyland, by letting perfectionism win, “You're essentially robbing yourself of the joy and satisfaction that comes with recognizing your accomplishments, leading to a perpetual cycle of feeling never quite ‘good enough.’”
Yet your parents didn’t define you by your successes or your failures. They accepted you without conditions, so you learned to do the same. Instead of giving into your inner critic, you say “no” to that negative feedback loop and meet yourself exactly where you’re at.
4. Settling for less than you deserve
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You believe in your own worthiness, which means you refuse to settle for less than you deserve. You say “no” to accepting the bare minimum because your parents did an incredible job raising you to have a solid sense of self-respect.
Psychological researchers define self-respect as “an act of honoring your needs and desires, understanding your worth, and making choices that enable you to keep your dignity.”
Self-respect is directly connected to both self-esteem and self-love. You know that respecting yourself is the first step to believing in yourself, which lets you love who you are. By raising you in a way that cultivated self-respect, your parents gave you a foundation to let your authentic identity flourish.
5. Immediate gratification
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Your parents did an incredible job raising you to say “no” to the need for instant gratification. They taught you to be patient and practice gratitude. With their guidance, you learned that true fulfillment unfolds on its own time, and you can’t rush the process.
Psychotherapist Erin Leonard revealed that delaying gratification is a hallmark of having high emotional intelligence.
“Emotionally intelligent people try to enjoy the process as much as the outcome,” she explained. “Instead of only thinking about the reward at the end, they try to enjoy the journey of getting there.”
“Valuing the process as much as the outcome allow[s] you to maintain emotional fortitude, emotional depth, and emotional endurance,” she concluded.
6. False confidence
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You say “no” to displays of false confidence because your parents did an incredible job raising you to understand where true confidence comes from. They gave you unconditional love and unwavering support, which provided the emotional security you needed to believe in yourself and your abilities.
Being confident doesn’t erase your insecurities, but it does push them to the background. You acknowledge your insecurities, but you don’t let them define you.
Some people's self-doubt is so loud, it drowns out everything else. The idea of being vulnerable is too scary to even consider, so they put up walls to protect their tender hearts. They make other people feel small to boost their confidence, but the relief is fleeting.
While false confidence is a hollow defense mechanism, your confidence is rooted in true self-acceptance.
7. Judging your feelings
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Your parents did an incredible job raising you to process your feelings in a healthy way. You learned that sitting with your emotions is the first step to processing through them. Your parents helped you name your feelings out loud. They made their home a safe space for emotional expression, no matter how big your feelings were.
Your parents modeled vulnerability. They did an incredible job showing you how to have compassion for yourself. With their guidance, you learned how to say “no” to your judging yourself for how you feel.
According to Psychologist Nick Wignall, judging your feelings makes them more painful. “When you judge yourself for your bad moods, you end up feeling bad about feeling bad,” he explained. “And when you compound painful feelings, it’s a recipe for long-term suffering and emotional fragility.”
You say “no” to the quiet voice in your head, criticizing you for having such intense feelings. Instead, you say “yes” to feeling everything and accepting the full range of your emotions. Your parents did an incredible job raising you to be emotionally resilient. Your deep inner strength carries you through dark times, because you know you’ll find light on the other side.
8. Shame
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You say “no” to feeling shame, because your parents did an incredible job raising you to believe you are enough, exactly as you are. According to Workplace Strategies for Mental Health, shame makes people feel “a painful sense of being inadequate, flawed or unworthy.”
They noted that shame is “very similar to guilt – both involve negative self-judgment,” but, “Shame tells you to feel bad about yourself as a person, while guilt occurs when we feel badly about what we have or haven’t done.”
Shame insists that you’re inherently unloveable, but you refuse to accept that as truth. You know that being imperfect is part of being human. You say “no” to spiraling out over small mistakes, choosing to be gentle with yourself, instead.
9. Ignoring your intuition
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Your parents did an incredible job raising you to listen to your intuition and say “no” to staying in unsafe situations. You learned to trust yourself, which kept you tuned into your inner world. Neuroscientist Dr. Sydney Ceruto described intuition as “an inner knowing, a deep-seated sense that something is right or wrong without the need for conscious reasoning.”
She shared that listening to your intuition lets you “make split-second decisions based on unconscious pattern recognition, emotional processing, and past experiences.”
You say “no” to second-guessing yourself. You listen to your intuition and accept the messages that rise to the surface.
10. Getting stuck in the past
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You refuse to define yourself by your mistakes,You say “no” to staying stuck in the past. Your parents did an incredible job raising you to be mindful and live in the present moment. You acknowledge what you did wrong and make an effort to adjust your actions, because all you can do is readjust.
According to Wignall, dwelling on the past holds people back from being present in their own lives.
“It's important to reflect on our past mistakes and learn from them,” he acknowledged. “But that’s a very different thing than habitually and mindlessly losing yourself in self-criticism about the past.”
“Accept your past failings. And learn from them if you can,” Wignall advised. “Then find the courage to let them go and live your life going forward.”
11. Worrying about the future
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You say “no” to any form of future tripping because your parents raised you to take life one step at a time. You know that worrying doesn’t actually prepare you for what’s to come. It’s easy to slip into a pattern of catastrophizing, but you say “no” and stop yourself from imagining the worst.
“Worry trains your brain to believe that there are terrible things constantly around the corner, and worse, that you won’t be able to handle them,” Wignall shared.
“Chronic worry makes you emotionally fragile,” he explained, which is why you seek ways to grow as resilient as possible.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.