The Weird Nighttime Habit That Reveals Someone Grew Up In A Chaotic Household, According To A Psychotherapist
There may be an underlying reason why you stay up so late.
Kmpzzz | Shutterstock Everyone has different sleep habits. Some people prefer to wake up early, making the most of the morning hours, while others prefer to stay up as late as possible.
Psychotherapist and social worker Nadia Addesi addressed the latter camp in a recent TikTok. She suggested that there is an underlying reason behind why some people choose to stay awake late into the night.
According to the psychotherapist, staying up late may indicate that you grew up in a chaotic household.
“Many people who have experienced trauma stay up too late because it's the only time that they feel at peace,” Addesi explained. “If you grew up in a chaotic or unpredictable household then nighttime may have become your only moment of control and quiet.”
“Over time you probably learned to rely on those late hours for a sense of safety and comfort,” she continued. “Now what seems like a bad habit is actually just a deeply ingrained survival strategy that you developed to reclaim a sense of calm.”
This is often referred to as 'revenge bedtime procrastination.'
According to the Sleep Foundation, this term describes "the decision to sacrifice sleep for leisure time that is driven by a daily schedule lacking in free time."
If you grew up in a chaotic household, the late-night hours may have been your only opportunity to find true leisure time, so you were willing to give up your sleep to enjoy the peace and quiet. When you're the only one awake, there is no one to criticize you or make demands of you.
“You weren’t getting interrupted, judged, or expected to be ‘on,’” Addesi added. "Staying up became your way of claiming peace and control."
Addesi shared several tips to help people shift their sleep patterns.
“If staying up late is truly your peaceful time and it works for your life, there’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t need to change what’s working for you,” she clarified. “But if it’s impacting your overall health, sleep, or daily functioning, if you’re waking up exhausted and it’s affecting your ability to be present or productive,” she shared a few tips to help.
First, she suggested creating a "mini version of your nighttime peace" earlier in the day. Intentionally set aside a period of time — it can be as small as 10 to 15 minutes — to fully relax and do something soothing without guilt.
Next, she encouraged altering your bedtime routine to be more conducive to sleep. Put your phone away, dim the lights, and journal. Research shows the best thing you can do to fall asleep quickly is to write a to-do list right before bed.
Lastly, she advised starting small. “You don’t need to suddenly start going to bed hours earlier,” she said. “Try easing back by 15 minutes at a time to slowly adjust your body to the new schedule.
“Remember, the goal isn’t to force yourself into something unnatural,” she added. “It’s about figuring out what balance feels supportive for you and prioritizing your well-being on your own terms.”
Mina Rose Morales is a writer and photojournalist with a degree in journalism. She covers a wide range of topics, including psychology, self-help, relationships, and the human experience.