11 Behaviors That Seem Rude But Are Actually Signs Of A Highly Introverted Person
Being quiet is challenging in an extroverted society.
Dara Kaliton | Shutterstock In a world that often prioritizes extroverted individuals, people with a more introverted personality may seem rude or off-putting when, in reality, it's just how they cope with specific social interactions.
Highly introverted people don't quite fit the mold of an acceptable way to socialize. They sometimes have to battle preconceived notions and misunderstandings about their behavior instead of people realizing that these are just their coping mechanisms for interacting with the world around them.
Here are 11 behaviors that seem rude but are actually signs of a highly introverted person:
1. Avoiding eye contact
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Many highly introverted people struggle with prolonged eye contact—not out of disrespect but as a way to manage social stress. Highly introverted individuals often struggle to maintain eye contact, especially in conversations.
Sometimes, this is an unconscious coping mechanism, but it can also be seen as disrespectful or rude because many people value eye contact when speaking with others. For introverts, prolonged eye contact can sometimes feel awkward and intimidating because they feel put on the spot.
"For those without a diagnosed mental health condition, avoidance of eye contact could be related to shyness or a lack of confidence. Looking someone in the eye while speaking can feel uncomfortable for those without much practice making conversation or who tend to prefer not being in the spotlight," explained psychologist Arlin Cuncic, MA.
Providing suggestions for overcoming anxiety around eye contact, Cuncic encouraged people to start slow, whether making eye contact with characters on a television show or even when you're on FaceTime with a family member or friend.
2. Hesitating to initiate conversations
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Introverts often wait for deeper, one-on-one interactions rather than starting small talk in busy social settings. In public spaces or opportunities to mingle, highly introverted people may be aloof and uninterested because they don't often talk to people and initiate a conversation.
Research about relationship formation found that many conversations are avoided because starting one is simply too difficult for some. It's not because introverts don't want to speak with people; once you start talking to an introvert, you'll be surprised at how willing they are to have a conversation. However, this behavior is rooted in social interactions, which are often quite draining and overwhelming for them.
3. Delayed text responses
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Slow texting isn't a sign of disinterest — it reflects the introvert's preference for thoughtful, face-to-face interactions.
Communicating with a slow texter can be pretty infuriating, and you slowly start to think that person doesn't care enough to respond and is being rude. In reality, many highly introverted people can feel overwhelmed with having to keep in constant communication with people in their lives. They would instead prioritize in-person activities and hangouts over having to be hunched over their phones or texting.
"I absolutely think the cultural premium placed on immediate gratification has a hand in cheapening the overall quality of our social interaction," said Heather Silvestri, PhD, a New York–based psychologist. "I happen to be 'old school' in several ways, and among them is my strong preference for a more thoughtful and substantive response rather than an immediate (but also perfunctory) one."
4. Appearing disinterested or disengaged
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What seems like disinterest is a form of deep listening and internal processing typical for introverts. One of the most misunderstood traits of highly introverted people is that they seem disengaged or uninterested while listening to someone tell a story. The truth is, just because they appear to be distracted, unamused, or even detached, it isn't a reflection of them being dismissive.
Introverted people are usually the best listeners, and that's just how they process information.
"One lesson we can learn from introverts is that practicing and improving your listening skills helps you in so many aspects of your life," said Nancy Ancowitz, a career coach. "It helps you target your audience, whether you’re speaking publicly, participating in a meeting, negotiating a sale, or relating to a friend."
"As an introvert, your listening-to-talking ratio is higher. You tend to be processing things quietly in your head as opposed to out loud, which adds noise to the conversation."
5. Keeping personal details private
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Highly introverted people share selectively to protect their personal space, not to be secretive. Certain people may find it easy to talk about their personal lives and experiences in social settings. Still, highly introverted people tend to keep much of their personal life under wraps during social interactions, especially with people they may not know that well.
Some people would see this as being secretive and distant. Still, introverted individuals only do this because they value their privacy, and it also takes time to open up and trust people.
"Self-disclosure is a remarkably complex communication process that has a powerful impact on how our relationships with others form, progress, and endure. How we share, what we share, and when we share are just a few of the factors that can influence whether our self-disclosure is effective and appropriate," explained Kendra Cherry, MS, a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist.
6. Sincere, infrequent compliments
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Instead of frequent casual praise, introverts offer genuine compliments when they feel connected. Introverts don't compliment others unless they genuinely mean it.
Compared to extroverts, who may find it easy to express their admiration and appreciation for others, introverts may hesitate to give generic or casual compliments that feel forced. Instead, they'd build a meaningful connection with someone because their compliments mean something.
"Introverts' deep thinking and focus can be highly effective in social interactions. The Harvard Grant Study shows that introverts tend to have fewer but deeper and more meaningful relationships," explained Rebekka Grun von Jolk, Ph.D., an expert on love data and economics.
7. Declining social invitations
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Not attending every event is a self-care strategy for introverts rather than a display of rudeness. Highly introverted people may sometimes decline invitations to parties, gatherings, or other social events. While this may come off as them being unfriendly or rude, these individuals value their alone time and would sometimes rather prioritize that over being around a group of people.
It doesn't mean they don't appreciate being invited, but a social event for them can be incredibly overwhelming and draining. They might pop out once or twice to a social activity, but too many times in a row is something they will actively avoid.
8. Quiet in group settings
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Silence in larger groups is often an intentional choice to process conversations more deeply. People expect others to contribute to the discussion in different social gatherings and situations, ask engaging questions, and appear interested in what others say. Unfortunately, introverts often get quite a bad rep for being silent while hanging out with a group of people. It isn't because they don't want to be there or dislike the people in the group, but because they honestly prefer listening over speaking.
In most instances, introverted individuals feel much more comfortable in one-on-one conversations than feeling overwhelmed when it's a group.
9. Taking time to make decisions
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Introverts' careful deliberation isn't indecision — it's a preference for well-considered choices. Highly introverted individuals have a habit of being slow to make decisions, and while it may seem as if they're indecisive, that's not always the case.
Introverts are pretty deep thinkers. They just want to make sure they're making the right choice and have no problem taking their time before deciding.
In such a fast-paced world, something refreshing is about introverted individuals wanting to analyze every detail instead of making impulsive decisions that will only harm them in the long run.
10. Avoiding unsolicited advice
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Introverts often hold back on offering unsolicited opinions, ensuring their contributions are timely and relevant. Extroverted individuals may often jump at the chance to share their views about a situation, even if they weren't directly asked to contribute. Still, highly introverted individuals are far less likely to give unsolicited advice, sometimes making them seem unhelpful and uninterested. It's because introverted people don't automatically assume someone wants to hear what they say.
They're more willing to listen and chime in if they are directly asked to give their opinion, but because they don't want to step on toes, they're okay with just offering basic words of empathy.
11. Neutral facial expressions
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A calm or neutral look is often a sign of introspection in introverts rather than a lack of engagement. Because introverted individuals are more likely to have a neutral or serious expression during social interaction, they're often seen as intimidating or rude. However, introverted people don't feel the need to be expressive all the time, as it may just be uncomfortable for them.
Just because they have these neutral expressions, though, doesn't mean they don't care about what is being told to them.
Most of the time, they're deep in thought, listening and processing the information they're being told. Rather than just reacting for the sake of reacting, these individuals prefer to take the time to absorb the conversation and respond thoughtfully.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.