10 Incredible Reasons Why Introverts Make Better Wives, Backed By Psychology
How an introverted wife will make your life and marriage better.
Daniel Xavier | Canva Despite what Internet quizzes have been telling you, not all introverts are socially inept, painfully shy recluses. Yes, introverts are known to feel some social discomfort at times but that's only because too much "small talk" feels insincere, and large groups of people are physically draining on our systems. (I say "our" because like so many writers content to sit in solitude, alone with their thoughts, I too, am on the introvert spectrum.)
And yet even the most outgoing extrovert — someone who craves constant social interaction and thrives on other people's energy — can find some benefits to settling down with an introverted wife (who would like some peace already). Based on the most recent research, as well as the decades I've spent living as an introverted wife, we just might make awesome spouses.
Here are the incredible reasons why introverts make better wives:
1. We listen to you
Despite common cultural assumptions, "introvert" isn't another word for social dysfunction. It's not that we're poor communicators, it's just that we communicate differently.
We often need time to process, to articulate, and to think (because we're always thinking!). While an extrovert might speak before she thinks, an introvert is more likely to observe, analyze, and take it all in.
Sure we might get lost in our thoughts from time to time, but we're paying attention. We're listening to you. And when it comes to a life-long partner, a "good listener" is suddenly way more attractive.
2. We're all about the Netflix and sweatpants game
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When your body gives in and you need to relax, you have a permanent couch partner. Netflix binge-watching and comfy pants are our love language. This bodes well for the long-haul relationship. When your partner enjoys binge-watching with you, it can positively impact your relationship by fostering a sense of closeness, shared experience, and connection.
This is especially true when couples lack a strong mutual social network, as sharing media consumption can act as a bridge to build intimacy and conversation topics. While binge-watching can be beneficial in moderation, a 2021 study concluded that excessive screen time can negatively impact other aspects of a relationship and daily life.
3. One-on-one relationships are in our comfort zone
Introverts crave fewer people, more connection, and more intimacy. We might not be the best chit-chatters at the office and the thought of large group presentations might cause heart palpitations, but just the two of you, one-on-one building a sincere bond? That's where she shines.
4. You won't be stuck in fifty awkward conversations just to get through the grocery store
She'll be the one ducking behind the paper towel display, pretending she doesn't see anyone. Think of the time you'll save!
Research from a 2021 study by the American Psychological Association on social interaction, nonverbal communication, and situational context in relationships can shed light on why such conversations might feel awkward.
Factors like misinterpreting cues, feeling pressure to perform, the public nature of the space, and the lack of privacy for deeper discussions can all contribute to discomfort in a grocery store setting with your partner.
5. We're thoughtful
Introverts are known to be introspective, self-aware, and sensitive — meaning we're more likely to really see our partners and pay attention to the little details. Because we think so deeply, we tend to be more thoughtful and intentional in our relationships.
6. You'll be afforded your freedom
Introverts almost always require some alone time to be sane, calm, functioning people. If your introverted spouse has been especially social and busy, she'll need some space to recharge — space away from anyone, including you.
So yes, go out with your buddies and get a few beers; she needs the quiet anyway. Separate friends and social activities can be healthy in a long-term relationship. A partner who provides freedom in a relationship is crucial for a healthy connection.
This allows individuals to maintain a sense of self while feeling secure and supported in the partnership, promoting greater satisfaction and relationship longevity. According to a 2019 study, giving your partner freedom doesn't equate to detachment; it can strengthen intimacy by allowing for genuine connection based on mutual respect and appreciation.
7. We're less likely to make a huge, embarrassing public scene or get you in trouble by running our mouths
Unless she's had a psychotic break from constant noise and overstimulation, then all bets are off.
8. We're probably a decent homemaker
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Maybe this isn't true across the board but it's usually hard for introverts to function in a highly cluttered, messy environment. I haven't met a single one. As long as you can respect her sensitivity to clutter and do your part, you'll have a nice and tidy home to call your own. It's better than signing up for a lifetime of slobbery.
9. We thrive on honesty
Because introverts are known to crave authenticity and sincerity, an introverted spouse is usually a straight shooter. No malarkey will be tolerated. And when it comes to marriage, honesty and trust are pretty high on the must-have list.
10. We'll show you another way
If you have extroverted tendencies, entangling your life with an introvert can show you the value of slowing down, thinking before you speak, and being thoughtful and sensitive to the stimuli around you. It also allows you to draw her out of her shell, away from her comfort zone, while also respecting another person's unique needs and quirks.
Of course not everyone fits into perfectly constructed boxes and there's much more to us than the way we absorb and use energy. That being said, there are some perks to having an introverted partner who can remind you to shhh, please.
Michelle Horton is a writer and advocate. Through the Nicole Addimando Community Defense Committee, she speaks out for her sister and the countless other victims of domestic violence criminalized for their acts of survival. She's the author of Dear Sister: A Memoir of Secrets, Survival, and Unbreakable Bonds.