Your Parents Did A Great Job Raising You If They Never Forced You To Do These 11 Things
Effective parenting means allowing you the freedom to learn and grow on your own.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock Even though there’s no definitive guidebook for raising kids, parents get hit with well-meaning advice from all angles. They’re flooded with advice from online parenting experts, well-meaning friends, and even their parents. Most of the advice they receive focuses on what to do to raise good kids, but more often than not, it’s the things they don’t do that make the most impact.
Good parenting isn’t about forcing rules but trusting you to learn and grow independently. When your parents refrained from imposing strict mandates, they empowered you to become the confident, authentic person you are today.
Your parents did a great job raising you if they never forced you to do these things:
1.Hugs were never forced on you when you didn’t want them.
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Your parents never forced you to hug people when you didn’t want to, no matter who asked. They firmly believed that you never owed anyone obligatory affection — not your grandma, your aunt, or even them. By not forcing you into unwanted hugs and kisses, they taught you how to set personal boundaries. They reinforced that your body belonged to you and nobody else.
You might not have known it then, but your parents were teaching you about the complex topic of bodily autonomy in an age-appropriate way.
Ireti Aderayo Adegbesan, a researcher in human development and family studies at the University of North Carolina, described bodily autonomy as “the right of an individual to have control over their body, and withdraw consent from activities involving their body at any time.”
She noted that establishing bodily autonomy involves “respecting boundaries, affirmative consent, and self-defined personal comfort with affectionate touch.”
By letting you decide who you wanted to hug, your parents did a great job raising you to understand your physical boundaries and comfort levels, which helped keep you safe.
2.Sharing was never mandated at the expense of your comfort.
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Your parents raised you to be generous, thoughtful, and empathic, but never forced you to share when you didn’t want to. They encouraged you to consider your friends' feelings when you played together, but they didn’t enforce rules like taking turns with your favorite toys. They trusted that you’d learn to share on your own time.
According to child psychologist Sarah Conway, “forced sharing is not sharing.”
“When we force kids to relinquish their belongings to others, we don’t teach them to share,” she explained. “What we actually teach them is that others can demand things of them and they should simply comply. In doing so, we take away their power, and we create resentment and frustration. We actually make it less likely that they will share willingly next time.”
Conway pointed out that learning to share is “a gradual process that is strongly linked to the development of empathy. We can provide support and scaffolding while our children learn, but we cannot rush the process.”
3.You were never forced to finish every bite on your plate.
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Dinnertime with young children can turn into a serious power struggle. Even if your parents get frustrated with your picky eating, they let you decide how much food you want. They never forced you to finish all the food on your plate, which shows they did a great job raising you.
They asked you to try a bite of everything they made, but they didn't push the issue if you didn’t like it. They understood that forcing kids to eat creates an unhealthy dynamic around food. Instead of forcing you to clean your plate, they encouraged you to listen to what your body needed. You grew up to recognize your hunger cues and nourish yourself as required in a way that felt good.
4.Your feelings were never suppressed or invalidated.
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You became an emotionally aware adult because your parents never forced you to hide how you felt. When you were angry, they let you express it, as long as you didn’t hurt yourself or others. When you were sad, they held you as you cried. When you were happy, they celebrated alongside you. Because an emotion was painful or difficult for them to witness, they never forced you to keep it to yourself.
The Kids Mental Health Foundation noted, "the best way to teach kids to express emotions is by making the time to talk about them and normalizing all feelings.”
Parents can help kids figure out their feelings with daily check-ins, which “will let [kids] know you care, you are listening, and you are there to support them.” It’s also crucial for parents to validate how their kids feel, even when they disagree.
Emotional expression doesn’t happen automatically. It’s a learned skill that children need to become successful, emotionally available adults.
5.Perfect grades were never demanded over genuine learning.
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Your parents never forced you to bring home a perfect report card. They did a great job raising you to work hard in school but also understood that grades aren’t always the best indicator of intelligence or ability. Instead of expecting straight As, they emphasized effort and intellectual growth, instead of perfection.
Psychologist Sheryl Ziegler said, "Setting unrealistic and perfection-driven expectations is bad for kids [but] setting high expectations is good for kids.”
In her professional experience, she sees parents who are “afraid to either push too hard and stress kids out, or not push hard enough and then have unsuccessful children. But this issue is not about pushing; it’s about being clear about your values and setting the bar your children will strive toward and achieve most of them.”
Your parents didn’t require you to be a perfect student. They let you make mistakes, which taught you how important it is to fail to learn.
6.You were never pressured to follow someone else’s path.
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Your parents laid a loving, supportive foundation for you to be successful, but they didn’t expect you to accept their version of what success looks like. They never pressured you to replicate their exact path. Your parents encouraged you to develop your own identity and live your life in a way that felt most authentic to you.
They did an excellent job of helping you understand yourself more deeply. They didn’t force their hopes and dreams onto you. They acknowledged your independence and let you find your way in the world.
“Our kids will learn to be independent adults if parents allow them to make their own decisions,” intuitive life coach Kathy Ramsperger explained. “This way, they learn from their mistakes and own their own successes.”
By “demanding they play the sports we love and apply to the college of our choice, they won't get a chance to become the beautiful people they're intended to be,” she explained. “By giving them choices, we empower them for a brilliant future that they'll own and love.”
7.Saying yes to every request was never an obligation.
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Your parents did a great job raising you to honor your needs because they never forced you to say “yes” to everything and everyone just to “be nice.” They taught you that making decisions based on other people’s needs would leave you feeling depleted. They built up your innate sense of self-worth by letting you know that you didn’t have to become a people-pleaser; you were equally as loveable when you said “no” as when you said “yes.”
Therapist Lianne Avila emphasizes the importance of parents saying "no" to their children. She acknowledged that “in the short term, this will not make them happy, but in the long run, it will pay off.”
“When children don't hear the word ‘no,’ they don't learn to say the word ‘no’ either,” she explained.
Parents who say “no” aren’t being negative for no reason; they’re helping their kids set boundaries and understand their limits, precisely what your parents did for you.
8.You were never compelled to fake happiness.
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Your parents allowed you to express your emotions. If you were unhappy, they didn’t force you to feel otherwise. They never expected you to fake your happiness because they knew that teaching you toxic positivity would disrupt your emotional development.
They did a great job raising you to understand that all feelings are valid, even when hurt. They helped you learn that having hard feelings was part of life. Feeling bad didn’t mean you were a bad kid; it just meant you’re human. By allowing you to fully experience your emotions, your parents gave you the freedom to have genuine feelings.
9.Your intuition was never ignored or dismissed.
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Your parents did a great job raising you to listen to your instincts and act in a way that honored your needs. They never forced you to ignore your intuition. Instead, they taught you how to tune into yourself and pay attention to the messages you heard.
Psychotherapist Stacey Huard states, “Most of us have been living cut off from our intuition and highly reliant on our rational minds.”
She highlighted the importance of acknowledging intuition and letting your emotional mind guide you.
“When we listen to our intuition, the path is clear,” she explained. “When we talk ourselves out of our gut feeling and take actions that are the result of self-doubt and relying on advice and demands of others, our path is blurred, and the feeling of being lost floods in.”
By listening to your intuition, you gained essential skills for figuring out how you felt, which is a key part of keeping yourself safe.
10.You were never pushed to be someone you’re not.
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Your parents did a great job raising you because they never had any expectations for who you would become. They never forced you to change who you are just to fit in. They taught you that self-acceptance is the only path to loving yourself fully.
Your parents encourage you to be yourself, setting you up to thrive. They let you bloom on your own time and never made unfair comparisons. Certified coach Michele Molitor pointed out that parental comparisons create feelings of inadequacy in kids. “Comparing your child to others can create a sense of insecurity and a belief that they are not good enough. Focus on your child's unique strengths and talents and help them develop their unique sense of identity that embraces all of who they are.”
11.Growing up too quickly was never forced upon you.
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Your parents never forced you to take on responsibilities that were too grown-up for you to handle. They didn’t rush you through your childhood or expect you to do things you weren’t developmentally ready to do. They let you grow at your own pace.
Your parents expected you to pitch in and help around the house, but they didn’t dream of demanding that you do everything yourself. They stood alongside you and guided you through. They never told you to grow up. They just let you be a kid.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.