Woman Feels 'Torn' After Asking Her Friend To Leave Her Adults-Only Dinner When She Arrived With Her 3-Year-Old
"I had set a boundary, and she just ignored it."
Photos: Pixabay, Jacob Lund | Design: YourTango The debate around child-free spaces wages on, with many child-free people finding themselves between a rock and a hard place when navigating their relationships with friends who have become parents.
One woman found herself in this exact situation after being called "ungrateful and ridiculous" for her reaction when a friend arrived at her birthday dinner with her 3-year-old in tow.
The woman asked her friend to leave the adults-only dinner when she arrived with her 3-year-old daughter.
A woman took to Reddit to explain her situation. She noted that she was hosting a “child-free” birthday dinner, which received some pushback from friends who had kids. While most friends invited to the adults-only event made arrangements that would allow them to attend as requested, one close friend showed up with her 3-year-old daughter.
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"I made it clear on the invite that this was an adults-only event so that everyone could plan accordingly," the birthday girl wrote, which made her friend's violation of the boundary all the more concerning. "I was immediately caught off guard but tried to stay calm."
The incident into a heated discussion about expectations, friendship, and respect for boundaries.
The host’s decision to stand firm on her child-free dinner came from the clear boundary she had set prior to the dinner. However, it is easy to understand the complicated situation she’s in now.
"She got upset and said I was being ungrateful and ridiculous, that her daughter was 'well-behaved' and wouldn’t cause any trouble," the host wrote. "But the whole point was the principle of the thing — I had set a boundary, and she just ignored it."
On one hand, she had clearly communicated the nature of the event, and her friend broke the boundary despite prior discussions about the request, which could understandably feel like a breach of respect. On the other hand, it’s hard to overlook the reality the friend was facing without childcare.
While the mom accused her friend of making her feel like a "bad mother," the Reddit user’s frustration came not from the child’s presence but rather from feeling disrespected by their friend.
The aftermath of the event led to the host receiving a text from her friend accusing her of being “ungrateful” and "humiliating" her, leaving the host questioning if her request was too harsh. This incident shows the difficulty of balancing personal boundaries with empathy for others' life circumstances, particularly when it involves parenting.
Child-free spaces have become quite a controversial topic.
From child-free weddings to child-free flights and even child-free neighborhoods, the debate wages on as to whether or not parents should expect to be able to take their kids everywhere — and on the flip side, whether those who may not want to be around children all the time should have that right.
According to Jessica Calarco, a sociologist at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, this increased desire for child-free moments stems largely from society's developing attitude that raising children is a parent's job, no longer the village's.
“If you make this choice to have children, you should be fully responsible for taking care of them, for making sure their needs are met and making sure they don’t infringe on others in the process, too,” Calaroco told CNN of how society views parenting today.
Regardless of someone's view on children, it's important for friends to respect each other's boundaries.
While the mom may have thought it was better for her to attend her friend's birthday with her daughter rather than not at all, it was a clear violation of her friend's request.
"She humiliated herself," one Reddit user wrote about the situation.
"I don’t even know that I’d say this is about boundary setting, it’s about basic manners," another agreed, noting that "It is extremely rude to bring someone to an event who was not invited to that event.
This situation highlights the complex balance between setting boundaries and maintaining empathy for other people’s circumstances. While it’s important to respect boundaries, it’s equally important to communicate these expectations clearly and openly, ensuring everyone involved understands and feels respected.
Ultimately, the host was justified in standing firm on her child-free dinner, but the situation also serves as a reminder of how complex social dynamics can be when life’s challenges — such as parenting — come into play. Navigating these situations with understanding and respect for both personal boundaries and communication can help preserve friendships and create a more supportive environment for everyone involved.
Erika Ryan is a writer working on her bachelor's degree in Journalism. She is based in Florida and covers relationships, psychology, self-help, and human interest topics.