The Long-Suffering Plight Of Gen-X Women — 'Let Us Sit On The Couch And Rot, Please'
The desire to acquire and do more, simply for the sake of societal expectations, has waned for Gen-X women.
Maria Lupan | Unsplash I’ve never been one for the generational wars.”Call me idealistic, but I think every generation has its challenges and struggles, and the last thing I feel like doing is throwing any woman under the bus of any age.
For example, it’s incredibly surreal to me that my mother’s Baby Boomer generation couldn’t even get a credit card in their name until 1974 when the Equal Credit Opportunity Act was passed.
Then, when I look at the younger generations behind me, my heart aches for them. I cannot imagine going through puberty and high school with social media. Those years are hard enough.
I won’t even get into my grandmother’s generation. Women had even fewer rights. I had one grandmother who worked and one who didn’t… because most women of that generation were “supposed” to be housewives.
My Mom was home for us until later in elementary school, and I grew up with zero illusions of not working. I always assumed I would and didn’t give it much thought.
As someone who has always been pretty driven and wore productivity like a badge of honor (seriously, does the carpet need to be shampooed at 10 PM? No.), the shift into realizing what I wanted surprised me.
The long-suffering plight of Gen-X women means we want ease more than anything else in life.
Antonio Guillem / Shutterstock
And because I’m blessed to have older women in my life who are near and dear to me, I know this is true for them as well. (Btw, this is all based on conversations I’ve had with Gen-X women who share this desire.)
Most women I know hit a point where they want “less,” and the desire to acquire and do more, simply for the sake of societal expectations, starts waning. I was widowed at 32, with a six-year-old and a two-year-old at home, and was working full time outside of the house at the time, and it felt like I never stopped.
Daycare/school, work, sports (God forbid a child in suburbia isn’t involved in sports… I’ll save that rant for another time), family, friends… it was never-ending.
By the time my oldest got her license, I had started my business and was already working from home. And contrary to most women I knew, I was thrilled when I didn’t have to do school drop-offs and pick-ups.
Even though I felt like the anomaly in suburbia where, as a mother, everything you did was supposed to be for or about your children.
The desire for ease often comes when a Gen-X woman hits midlife
My therapist once told me that women’s natural pace is medium to slow (per a sociologist whose name is eluding me) and that when we approach midlife, we start to find our way back to that rhythm.
As soon as my kids were both out of the house and on their own, I left the area where I had raised them and felt massive relief for many reasons, but mainly because the running around lessened.
Most women I know who work and have families spend the bulk of their time outside of their jobs doing for others and keeping things up at home (even with the most evolved male partner, most of this work still falls on women.)
So unless they take vacation or time away from your day-to-day, they’re never really off. It can be exhausting.
I spent a year in another state (during the pandemic — how’s that for picking a good time to move?), and it was my first taste of genuine ease. It was also the first time in my life that I lived alone. And it was heavenly.
fizkes / Shutterstock
Fast forward a couple of years, and I picked up and moved myself to Costa Rica (never having visited) because a year in Idaho (from California) was cold enough for me. Costa Rica is the epitome of ease.
It is “Pura Vida.” I often joke that Costa Rica broke me. I really can’t do the cold anymore (I’m back in Northern California), and I’ve had a taste of what that lifestyle feels like.
What a life of ease doesn't mean for Gen-X women
This doesn’t mean not being productive, pursuing goals and desires, or having new experiences. It just means not having to do it all, all of the time, based on a narrative created by men.
It means pursuing these things at a pace that works for each person individually as opposed to a perceived deadline or expectation. I was always commended for how much I was able to get done, and it became a part of my identity.
So, naturally, when I realized how much I enjoyed going about things with ease, I felt guilty that I wasn’t “doing” more. What the actual bucket is that all about?
It’s taken conscious work and many discussions with women my age and older to realize there is massive joy in living with ease. It’s that delicious feeling that time slows down when we’re doing things we love and are present in the moment.
As an entrepreneur, there is no lack of hacks, tips, productivity guides, and courses available to get things done in less time. The problem with much of that is that you miss out on who you become in the process.
When I look at my calendar and the day ahead of me has zero calls, it feels like I won the time lottery (I originally came up with “time lottery” for when calls or plans get canceled, regardless of how much I was looking forward to the call or plans).
My day is mine. I love the process of creating… having an idea, getting into deep work, and not paying attention to the clock. That’s how I want my life to feel.
I’m pursuing ease in every area of my life. Work, relationships, creative pursuits, where I live, travel, and rest. Of course, we all have responsibilities, obligations, and things that come up that will take precedence, but some of the most content women I know choose ease.
- They have boundaries
- They say no based on desire as opposed to saying yes out of obligation or expectation
- They trust their natural rhythm and have evidence to support it’s what works best for them
- They know that taking care of themselves first is the best thing they can do for the people in their lives
A desire for ease isn’t unique to Gen-X women
It’s simply my point of reference. I also know that this desire is also in part from biology (i.e., aging) and how we’re wired. We need a lot more energy when we’re younger and raising kids; I get that.
The irony in choosing ease is that I find I accomplish more by doing less. Funny how that works.
Kim Doyal is the founder of the SPARK and Women, Wisdom, & Wealth, with her work featured in multiple publications and podcasts. Through storytelling and content creation, she helps entrepreneurs find their authentic voice while championing a new narrative around women and wealth, drawing from her 17-year journey of building a successful online business.