Gen-X Women Are At A Crisis Point - 'We're At The End Of Our Rope'
After all of their hard years of work caregiving and in the workforce, Gen X women aren't sure what they have to show for it.
TatyanaGl | Canva Gen X women are at a crisis point. After years of child-rearing and making the house a home for her husband and family, working hard and trying to save for retirement while caring for older parents and relatives, she has reached her breaking point. She has been trying to be all things to everyone for far too long with little to no help, and she is now at the end of her rope.
She is underwhelmed by life fulfillment and doesn’t know how to be happy. A mid-life crisis is upon her. It is not just something men in this age group are facing.
Gen X women born from 1965–1980, now in their 40s and 50s, feel lost.
They started to feel that they were losing their own identity as a person. After all of their hard years of work caregiving and in the workforce, Gen X women are no longer sure what they have to show for it.
For this generation of women, their kids are growing up, and they don’t need their mom as much anymore. She may not feel like she is needed as much. She is not even sure who she is anymore. She is having an identity crisis.
She has been running around for years, trying to make everyone else happy. Her happiness has fallen by the wayside for far too long. She is also dealing with the effects of menopause, exacerbating her sense of sadness, depression, and aimlessness in life.
She doesn’t know what she likes anymore because she is used to catering to everyone else’s needs — her husband or partner, her children, her family members, her boss. She can’t differentiate between her personal preferences and the preferences of everyone around her whom she has been caring for and catering to for years. She has lost herself.
Research suggests that Generation X individuals may experience a unique type of midlife crisis characterized by feelings of burnout, self-doubt, and a sense of "missing out," often stemming from the expectations they held during their youth about achieving the American Dream which may not have fully materialized, leading to a sense of disillusionment and a need to re-evaluate their life choices.
This is particularly highlighted in books like Ada Calhoun's Why We Can't Sleep, which focuses on the experiences of Gen X women navigating midlife challenges. Especially if you have gone through a similar phase in your life, you may relate. If you’ve been through a divorce or long-term relationship break-up, you understand what it is like to be going through a woman’s mid-life identity crisis.
You may have had to walk on eggshells for so long in a marriage or long-term partnership that you have a hard time permitting yourself to figure out what you desire. You aren’t even sure what you want out of life anymore.
Pavel Danilyuk | Pexels
For many years, Gen X women have been putting their own needs and wants aside to make the relationship work and to take the path of least resistance.
They have tried everything they could do to keep their marriage together. But it failed nonetheless. I had to learn this the hard way myself after 17 years of marriage, trying to keep the family unit together for the sake of the kids. But as many of us Gen Xers have experienced, we were disillusioned by what we had to sacrifice for everyone around us, losing ourselves in the process.
A Mid-life crisis for Gen X women can also present itself in other ways, such as:
- Questioning life choices up to this point
- Feeling stuck in a meaningless job with no passion
- Feeling like happiness is unattainable
- Feeling regret over life's mistakes and choices
- Longing for youth and nostalgic for the past
- Depression and unfulfillment in life
- Anxiety about the future, such as finding a life partner if they become single again later in life, financial stability, and affording retirement
- Feeling like every day is Groundhog Day, over and over again
RDNE Stock project | Pexels
How do Gen X women get out of feeling this lack of direction and unfulfillment they are experiencing?
- Talk to women in your age group and share how you are feeling. You might find they are going through something similar, and they can share how they are coping. You will feel supported by talking about what you are going through
- Schedule sessions with a therapist to discuss how you are feeling and possible medication treatments
- Start journaling some new life goals that are just for you. What have you always wanted to do it haven’t had a chance to, do due to your caregiving duties?
- Join a new social group or start a new activity that is just for you. Get some exercise, go to the gym, or do other physical activities that get your body moving and improve your mindset
- Practice gratitude to shift your perspective. Even though you may not have everything you want in life yet, focus on what you do have that makes you happy.
- Take a trip, even a quick getaway to somewhere new, to shake things up. Go with a friend or on a solo trip
- Get outside every day in nature, it nourishes the soul
RDNE Stock project | Pexels
After leaving my 17-year abusive marriage, I did all of the above just to try to make it through the day. It was an unsettling time and a transition I wasn’t sure how to navigate.
I had never been to therapy in my life before that time, but after crying almost every single day, several times throughout the day, I knew I had to do something. I also went on anti-depressants for a period, which was also something altogether new to me.
With the support system of my closest family, work colleagues, and friends, I truly felt supported in dealing with the most difficult time in my life. Now, 6 years later, post-divorce, my life has changed for the better in every way. I am happy, financially secure, finally feel free, and my kids are thriving. Even though I am currently starting to deal with the effects of Menopause, I have much better coping strategies than I did in my younger years.
It may take some time for Gen X women as they continue to work through their identity crisis in search of fulfilling their own needs and happiness.
With a renewed focus on their personal growth and self-development, Gen X women will be able to fill their cups and rediscover who they are again.
Harlyn Hannah is a Gen X Single Mom of two teenagers and an Operations Manager by day. She writes for Medium and her newsletter on Substack LeadingLadyEnergy.