11 Phrases The Biggest Failures In Life Say Often, According To Psychology
People who speak like this just can't seem to make anything work.
A and N Photography via Canva Failing is unavoidable, but how you handle it is what matters most. Some people throw their hands up in defeat at even the slightest failure, while others channel their inner strength and resilience to push forward. Attitude is everything, especially when it comes to the way people interpret their station in life, and because of their's there are some particular phrases the biggest failures in life say often.
Winners set themselves up for success by having a positive mindset, while people who lose see every bump in the road as definitive proof that they’ll never succeed. By taking a close look at phrases the biggest failures in life say often, it becomes clear that they don’t realize how capable they really could be.
Here are 11 phrases the biggest failures in life say often, according to psychology
1. ‘I’ll do it later’
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The laws of psychics declare that an object at rest will stay at rest, and that law can be applied to people, as well. It’s easy to keep staying still, but motivating yourself to take action requires major determination and drive.
Life’s biggest failures have a hard time following through, making them unreliable. They often say they’ll do things later, but it’s really an excuse to avoid important assignments. They’re chronic procrastinators, putting tasks off to the very last minute. Then, they have to race to the finish line.
Their failure is rooted in a lack of ambition, which keeps them making any progress in their lives.
2. ‘It’s not my fault’
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The biggest failures believe they have no agency in their own lives, which is why they say phrases like “It’s not my fault” when they’re faced with things they’ve done wrong. They refuse to take responsibility for their own behavior, because they’re not emotionally intelligent enough to accept their imperfections.
According to the Taju Coaching Team, deflection is a defense mechanism used to avoid accountability and control negative emotions, like shame, guilt, and anger. Blame-shifting is a tactic people use to protect their self-image. When someone shifts blame for their actions onto other people or external forces, they deny themselves the opportunity to take responsibility, which is what helps us grow.
Confronting this habit takes emotional heavy lifting, but it’s ultimately a liberating experience. As Taju Coaching pointed out, “understanding blame's role can empower individuals to manage emotions, improve relationships, and boost self-esteem through kindness and self-reflection.”
3. ‘That’s not fair’
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The biggest failures in life fall back on the phrase “that’s not fair” when they don’t get exactly what they want. They usually don’t work very hard, yet they expect praise and accolades, even when they miss the mark. They see the world as an unfair place, if only because other people succeed while they stay stuck in the same place.
The biggest failures in life don’t understand that they have agency over their own experiences. When they say things like “that’s not fair,” they use the world’s larger injustices as a reason to not take action or accountability for their own lives.
4. ‘They just got lucky’
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The biggest failures in life have a scarcity mindset, meaning they think that other people’s victories are the reason they keep losing. They minimize everyone else’s achievements by saying phrases like “they just got lucky." They’re essentially incapable of giving credit where credit is due.
They genuinely believe the only reason they’re not making strides in their life is because other people keep taking their rightful place. They have a warped view of the world, which stops them from recognizing the role they play in their own defeat. By labeling other people’s successes as lucky breaks, they aim to protect themselves from seeing that their failures are their own fault.
5. ‘I don’t know how’
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The biggest failures in life don’t try new things because they don’t know how to do them. Their self-doubt is overwhelming. They’re scared to venture out of their comfort zone because the idea of failing is threatening to their sense of self. They get stuck in the mindset that they should be able to do everything perfectly, which holds them back from doing anything at all.
Take Root Therapy revealed that reframing and redefining failure is a powerful cognitive and emotional tool.
“Failing is one of the most human things we can do,” they explained. “Failing is vital to our development and growth as people, and those who avoid the opportunity to learn from their failures are often just setting themselves up to be unsuccessful in the future.”
In this way, failure becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, a pattern of thinking that only reinforces itself. By rewriting the narrative, we can begin to see failure as an opportunity to grow stronger and more self-aware.
“Without failure, we also never get the chance to build the resilience needed to navigate the various obstacles and challenges that will inevitably come up in life,” Take Root Therapy concluded.
6. ‘That’s not my problem’
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The biggest failures in life often say, “That’s not my problem,” whenever they’re confronted with their own missteps. They have a habit of casting blame on other people for mistakes they’ve made. In their mind, this means they don’t have to pitch in to find a solution.
By insisting that things aren’t their problem to deal with, they cultivate a “me against the rest of world” mentality. They’re not team players, by any means, which makes it hard for other people to feel empathy towards them.
7. ‘This is just who I am’
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The biggest failures in life often get stuck in their own negative feedback loop, which leads them to say phrases like “This is just who I am” when they’re confronted with hard truths about themselves. They struggle to see that they are more than the sum of their failures. Instead, they let their failures define who they are.
According to a study published in “Frontiers in Psychology,” our overall sense of self-esteem is made up of two parts: trait self-esteem and state self-esteem. Trait self-esteem represents “a stable evaluation of the self.” Self-esteem “is a context-specific state of self-worth that can fluctuate in reaction to situational factors.
The study found that failing has a negative impact on people’s state self-esteem. When people interpret failure as a reflection of their worth, it drags down their self-esteem, leading them to believe that they’re not good enough.
8. ‘It’s too hard’
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The biggest failures in life take themselves out of the running before the race even starts. Whenever they face a challenging situation, they declare it too difficult to even try. They tap out without trying, which indicates that they don’t know how to move through discomfort.
Psychologist Cheryl Gerson revealed that we need to experience discomfort to build emotional resilience. She shared a well-kept secret: “Success doesn’t have much to do with innate intelligence or talent… perseverance trumps innate talent.”
“A person with a ‘fixed’ mindset believes ‘I am who I am, and there’s no way I can be different,’” she explained. “A person with a ‘growth’ mindset believes, ‘If I want to (with effort), I can get better at this… the difference between a fixed and growth mindset is your tolerance for frustration, mistakes, and surprises.”
“The ‘growth mindset’’ welcomes ongoing discomfort and dissatisfaction with some excitement, pleasure, and satisfaction mixed in,” she concluded.
When people win, it’s because they believe they can.
9. ‘I can never win’
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The biggest failures in life see the world as a series of defeats. They believe that the universe is always working against them, which is why they say phrases like “I can never win.” They have a victim mentality, which hinders their progress and holds them back from believing in the possibility of success.
Transformational coach Jean Walters revealed the dangers of seeing yourself as a perpetual victim. “Living with a victim mentality is highly destructive because you have set a life course for disaster and unhappiness,” she explained.
At some point, the biggest failures in life face a fork in the road, where they have to “decide if [they] want to keep the ‘poor me’ story or create a new one.”
“You have to shift your mind to a positive possibility. You must choose a new, uplifting narrative for your life,” Walters concluded.
10. ‘I knew this would happen’
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The biggest failures in life set themselves up to fail by continually reinforcing their negative mindset. They expect to fail, and so, they do. When they’re confronted with their failures, they say phrases like “I knew this would happen.” This phrase is an example of hindsight bias, which can be defined as “our tendency to look back at an unpredictable event and think it was easily predictable.”
Hindsight bias “warps our understanding of the past and can alter our self-perception. It contributes to a “‘negative schema of the past,’ where our knowledge base of past experiences is composed of negative outcomes believed to be foreseeable and inevitable, impacting our well-being.”
People who see themselves as perpetual failures struggle to see their own worth, which keeps them stuck in the past, instead of looking toward the possibilities that the future holds.
11. ‘There’s no point in trying’
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The biggest failures in life usually have a defeatist attitude. They don’t believe in their own abilities, which means they say phrases like “there’s no point in even trying.” They give up before even making a move, which protects them from feeling worse about themselves.
According to the Resilience Lab, “learned helplessness occurs when someone repeatedly faces difficult situations and starts believing they have no control over the outcome, even when change is possible.” This mentality “can lead to passivity and lack of motivation, affecting decision-making and self-esteem.”
The more resilient someone is, the more they believe that the learning process is inherently valuable, even if they don’t succeed.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.