4 Phrases Classy People Use To Tell Someone To Mind Their Own Business, According To A Communication Coach
When "butt out" is a bit too informal, say this instead.
insta_photos | Shutterstock We've all been there at one time or another — you want to tell someone exactly what you think, but doing so will get you fired or whatever. So instead, you have to just grin and bear it because you don't know what else to say.
A communication expert on TikTok has some advice regarding one such situation — when you want nosey people to butt out, but don't know how to say so appropriately.
The communication coach shared four phrases classy people use to tell someone to mind their own business.
Especially in the workplace, communication is often about saying something without saying it. Email has made this a breeze — you can type the kindest email possible while silently (or not so silently) screaming at your computer screen what you'd actually like to say to that awful colleague of yours.
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But when you're in person, it's a different story. And when someone is trying to invade your privacy, it can be pretty hard to think of a non-confrontational thing to say.
Raele Altano, a certified communication coach known as @wellwithraele on TikTok, recently shared four perfect methods for saying, "Where in the [redacted] do you get off even asking me that" with what she called "kindness, class, and confidence." Best of all, her phrases not only keep you from offending someone but also allow you to maintain the upper hand in the conversation.
1. 'I'm not up for discussing that. I'd love to talk about something else though.'
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What's great about Altano's tactics is that you can easily see something like this throwing someone off guard. Most people are not used to being spoken to with such directness, and that gives you the power to reorient the conversation to whatever you like.
This reminds me of a trick someone taught me for when someone starts making offensive political comments they assume you agree with: "You're not talking to someone who shares your values. Anyway, how is your job going?" (or whatever question might be appropriate).
I tried this at a Christmas party once, and boy, did it work. Similar to Altano's method, it cut the conversation off at the pass, put the guy who was talking to me on uncomfortable notice, and quickly redirected us to another topic, all without causing a scene.
2. 'Great question. When I'm ready to share, I will let you know.'
This is ingenious because it not only shuts the conversation down, but it makes the other party feel like they are going to be let in on an exciting secret down the road. Sure, you probably have no intention of doing so, but having this gossip hound on edge like this will have them wrapped around your finger!
On a more serious note, though, this is likely to make a person feel like they're a trusted part of your circle, which is a great communication trick, especially among colleagues you'd like to keep close. It kills two birds with one stone.
3. 'I'd rather not.'
Now, this one you can't just say in isolation — unless you're going for that intimidating, passive-aggressive vibe (which is sometimes in order!). Altano suggested this as an ending to a longer quote: "Are we really getting that personal here? Right now?"
There are, of course, myriad ways you can say that — you can even make it sound like a light-hearted joke. But adding the "I'd rather not" at the end makes your boundary clear and gives the other party an opportunity to clean up their act and redirect.
4. 'I appreciate your curiosity, but now is not the time.'
This is sort of like that method of praising someone before you criticize them. It gives the impression that there's nothing wrong with the question itself, just the moment in which it's being asked. That is likely a lie, but a kind one — it saves the other party from feeling embarrassed that they're prying. It's a very gracious way to say "butt out and buzz off."
As with most things, Altano also noted that tone and expression are key with all four of these. "Keep your tone neutral, rein in your facial expressions as much as possible, and make your statement in a matter-of-fact way with minimal emotion," she advises.
This gives the other party little to work with, which not only avoids drama but keeps you in control of the conversation. Especially in business situations, that's a definite win-win.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.