11 Behaviors People Do Without Realizing That Make Them Seem Low-Value
While we can’t dictate others' perceptions of us, we can influence the impressions we convey.
Rachata Teyparsit | Shutterstock As much as we might wish differently, we can’t control how other people perceive us. No matter what, we can’t make everyone like us; more often not, other people’s opinions have more to do with themselves than anyone else. Behaviors people do without realizing that make them seem low-value usually stem from insecurity and anxiety, which can push people away.
As complex as it might seem, letting your truest self shine through is more important than gaining other people’s approval. The more you act in empathic and authentic ways, the more likely you’ll make genuine connections with people.
Here are 11 behaviors people do without realizing that make them seem low-value:
1.Excessive apologizing — a sign of deep insecurity
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People who over-apologize don’t always notice what they’re doing, but it’s a behavior that makes them seem low-value. Every other sentence they say is “sorry,” as though they’re apologizing for being on Earth and breathing air. While they might not realize they’re doing it, saying sorry too often makes people seem unsure of their existence.
As Psychology Today pointed out, over-apologizing reveals deeper insecurities, such as “wanting to be liked or having an inflated sense of responsibility or guilt.”
It’s one thing to say sorry and take responsibility for harmful actions. Still, over-apologizing shows up as “pre-apologizing or taking responsibility for things that are outside your control, not your responsibility, or don’t require an apology, because you didn’t technically do anything wrong.”
“When done repetitively, it becomes a habitual way of managing anxiety and distress,” Psychology Today explained.
Owning who you are takes practice and patience but allows you to be yourself without apologies.
2.Craving external validation — shows you lack self-confidence
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When people chase validation instead of finding it from within, they seem low-value. While insecurities are part of being human, asking others to bolster your confidence doesn’t work in the long run. It reinforces people’s lack of self-trust, making them seem like they don’t know who they are or what they value.
Therapist Julie Lillies shared wise words from Dr. Gabor Mate, who pointed out how seeking validation and reassurance can be an addictive behavior, noting that “The reason it becomes addictive is because there’s always doubt inside, which may be unconscious, that says, ‘Okay, they want me, but do they want me or do they want what I’m given them?’”
“That satisfaction of getting that praise and evaluation from the outside is a temporary hit,” he said.
It’s normal to want other people to appreciate you, but if you can’t respect yourself, their words won’t make a difference in how you feel.
3.People-pleasing to the extreme — means you neglect your own needs
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It might seem like saying yes to everyone else and ensuring their needs are met is a surefire way to be valued, but the opposite is true. People might not realize that their deep need to please others makes them seem low-value, as if they don’t know their worth.
According to social worker Terry Gaspard, people-pleasers fall into a “pattern of approval-seeking " and neglect their needs.
“You may have learned to be a people pleaser because of being fearful of losing the approval of others,” she explained. “Fear of rejection often lies at the root of a person's tendency to bend over backward to please others — sometimes at the expense of their happiness.”
When breaking that pattern, Gaspard advised people to “Recognize and accept that the way you feel about yourself inside reflects the way you relate to people outside.”
“You are not obligated to meet the needs of others. That is their responsibility, and only you know what's best for you,” she concluded.
4.Over-explaining your choices — suggests you’re uncertain
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Most people consider others when making decisions, but some don’t realize they overexplain everything they think, making them seem low-value. The decision could be minor, like what to have for lunch, or something bigger, like what to study in college, but justifying everything makes people seem unsure of themselves.
It might not be easy to stand firm in your convictions, but as long as you’re not actively being cruel or causing harm, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you are the way you are. The more people can own their choices, the more confident and self-assured they seem.
5.Humble bragging — comes off as attention-seeking
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We’ve all met people who humble brag, but they don’t realize how low-value that behavior makes them seem. If you spend time scrolling social media, you’ll see people humble-bragging all over your feed. Maybe your cousin humble brags about being exhausted after a red-eye flight to Paris. Perhaps you have a coworker who’s always talking about how stressed they are because of their newest promotion.
Whatever form it takes, humble-bragging is still bragging. It’s a way for people to remind everyone else how special they are while putting others down. Someone who truly values themselves doesn’t need to announce their worth to anyone else because knowing it for themselves makes them feel whole.
6.Talking over others — makes you seem arrogant
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People who are constant interrupters might not even realize they’re cutting others off in conversation, but their unfortunate habit is a classic example of low-value behavior. Whether they’re too excited to wait for their turn to speak or think their opinion is more important than anyone else’s, talking over other people is a great way to shut down the flow of any discussion.
Listening might seem passive, but knowing how to hear others takes patience and practice. Truly listening means more than just nodding while waiting for your turn to talk. It means you must check your ego at the door, stay open-minded, and value other people’s opinions, even when they don’t align with your own.
Learning how to listen is worth its weight in gold. The more you hear people, the more high-value you become.
7.Being too available — shows you lack self-respect
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Dropping everything for others makes people seem low-value. Being available and generous with your time is part of making a relationship work, but there is such a thing as being too available. People don’t realize that this low-value behavior directly connects with wanting to be liked, but trying too hard pushes people away.
When someone stays available to people who don’t reciprocate their efforts, they let the world know that their desire to be loved overrides their self-respect. Saying “no” can be a gift to yourself and others. Your time and energy are precious; don’t give them away to just anyone.
8.Chronic complaining — drags you (and others) down with negativity
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Psychology Today says chronic complainers “focus on the negative, exaggerate situations, and rarely seem satisfied.” Their consistent negativity serves a singular purpose: “Attracting more drama and dissatisfaction into their lives,” so they stay stuck in their misery. Everyone experiences negativity, yet when people make a home in such a low place, they seem to enjoy being upset all the time.
“Chronic complainers unknowingly transfer their negativity to those around them, burdening others with their emotional baggage,” Psychology Today explained. “This negative influence can be contagious.”
The more someone complains, the more energy they drain from people around them, even those who love them most. While there’s value in venting and having your feelings validated, turning it into a lifestyle can make people seem low-value.
9.Destructive jealousy — fuels unnecessary drama
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Jealousy is an entirely normal and familiar feeling, but acting on jealousy makes people seem low-value, as if they only care about petty drama. Psychologist Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey revealed that jealousy isn’t always harmful, but acting out of jealousy can destroy any relationship.
“Jealousy, as a fleeting emotion, can signal that something in the relationship has gone awry,” she shared. “Frequent jealousy, however, can destroy a relationship. This type of jealousy usually feels obsessive.”
“It can feel impossible to take your attention off what you feel jealous about. It can increase suspiciousness throughout the relationships. It creates a constant negative atmosphere wherever you go,” Dr. Bisbey explained.
She pointed out that connecting with your partner can soothe your jealous impulses and shift your attachment style through therapy and self-improvement practices.
“Continue to engage so that you continue to develop and improve, working to be the best version of you that you can be and reaching for your dreams,” Dr Bisbey concluded.
10.Know-it-all attitude — alienates those around you
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Sometimes, people’s insecurities get the best of them, and they feel a deep urge to let everyone else know how smart and accomplished they are. Someone who acts like they know everything might think this boosts their value, but having an attitude of superiority decreases their value in other people’s eyes.
Sharing your thoughts and opinions should keep a conversation open and not close it to other people’s input. You might not realize that pretending to know everything about everything pushes people away. It can take effort to hold your tongue and let others speak, but doing so will bolster your bond.
11.Ingratitude — lowers your perceived value
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Everyone has things they want out of life that they might not have at the moment, but lacking gratitude makes people seem low-value without even realizing it. Expressing gratitude requires people to pause and look deeply at who they are and how they live.
As author and YourTango expert David Ahearn pointed out, “A great many of us only place our attention on the things that we wish we could change.”
He dove a little deeper into his experience of practicing gratitude, noting that “For all the striving, for all the achieving, for the accolades, the money made, what I’ve discovered is this: the most valuable things we have are the experiences we get with our family, friends, and loved ones.”
“One of the secrets of the Universe is that the more we give thanks for what we have, the more things that aren’t currently in our reality materialize before our eyes,” Ahearn concluded, highlighting how gratitude can make people vibrate on an even higher frequency.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.