Attorney Shares 3 Phrases That Shut Down Disrespect Instantly
People pleasing is out. Standing up for yourself is in.
leon krämer | Unsplash It can be quite jarring when someone says something disrespectful right to your face; you may not know what to say or how to even react. But it's important to shut down disrespect instantly and not just let people get away with it.
It's certainly not the easiest thing to do, especially if you're conflict-averse. Lawyer Vince on TikTok doesn't think it should be that hard, however. He shared that there are three phrases you should use consecutively if you are ever disrespected so you can take your power back.
Three phrases that shut down disrespect instantly:
1. 'Sorry, can you say that again?'
Asking the disrespectful party to repeat what they said provides the person with two options: repeat what they said or clarify. If they repeat what they said, then they truly meant the disrespectful comment and are owning up to it.
But if there's a chance they didn't mean what they said or realized what they said was wrong after hearing your tone, you're providing them with the opportunity to explain themselves. Sometimes, all it takes for someone to really hear what they're saying is to ask them to repeat it.
2. 'Did you mean that to be hurtful?'
Asking this question can help you understand the true intention of what was said. Now that you've verified that they meant what they said, you are calling out the fact that you found their words disrespectful.
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This puts them in the position to explain what their reasoning was for being disrespectful or if you may have interpreted what they said incorrectly.
According to BetterHelp, people may make intentionally rude comments because of shame, defensiveness, or uncomfortable feelings with emotional intimacy, so it's important to get down to the bottom of why the other person said what they said, which leads us to the next question.
3. 'Are you okay?'
An alternative phrase for this would be: This sounds out of character for you. You are emphasizing this is less about the person as a whole and more of a focus on the awful thing they said.
This question provides you with a moral high ground as it becomes clear that you are looking out for the other person. You are asking what is going on with them because they seem to be acting out of character.
At the end of the day, no matter what a person is going through, it's not fair to treat others poorly because you're dealing with your own issues. So once you know the situation, if there's a situation to address, make sure that you let them know that while their struggles are valid, the way they treated you was not.
According to choosing therapy, when learning to cope with people being mean, it can help to establish boundaries so that you can define what you will and will not accept from others. Another method is to prepare a response, not a reaction, which means you should be an active listener and plan what to say next instead of just reacting right away.
Sahlah Syeda is a writer who covers relationships, culture, and human interest topics.