Psychology Says If You Can Master These 10 Skills, You'll Remain Confident Into Your 80s
The only person who can make you more confident is you, but these skills can give you a boost.
Pressmaster | Canva Making small and simple changes can quickly impact our confidence and self-perception and energize us. Knowing how to be confident matters because it creates certainty in uncertain situations. When everyone else is unsure what to do and someone with confidence steps up to speak, people pay attention.
Confidence isn’t something you get from others; it’s something you earn for yourself. Confidence is earned by mastering hard skills and developing the self-discipline required to transform your goals into reality. It’s an emotion created within yourself — a feeling of absolute certainty that you can accomplish anything well into your old age.
If you can master these skills, you'll remain confident well into your 80s:
1. Stand a fraction taller
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Our sense of confidence and posture is a two-way highway. Feel confident, and our posture tends to respond. Walk tall, and we color our vibe with confidence. So start with good posture.
2. Focus on making others feel more confident
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When we feel like we lack confidence, the issue — nine times out of ten — is that we’re thinking about ourselves and how we’re coming across too much. Chill, Winston. It isn’t all about you.
You’ll feel notably better when you focus on helping other poor souls feel more confident. Do that, and you won’t even have to worry about your confidence, which will improve.
Intentionally focusing on making others feel confident can lead to a range of benefits, including improved social relationships, increased cooperation, positive self-perception for the helper, and a more supportive environment.
People with higher confidence tend to be more engaged and positive in interactions. A study published by the University of Southampton found that to be practical, efforts to build confidence should be genuine and aligned with the individual's strengths and abilities.
3. Audit your energy
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We can’t reach our most significant potential if we feel like microwaved cat puke. Everything starts with mastering energy.
This means doing everything possible to develop a healthier body that uses energy properly. We do this by improving our sleep, exercise, and diet and decreasing the trash we allow in, like scrolling endlessly on TikTok or having corn dogs for dinner every night.
An energy audit lists all those things that are bad for you and those that lift you. Write one up so you have awareness of how to optimize.
4. Cut out one bad habit
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In the book The Slight Edge, Jeff Olson talks about how we’re either moving in an upward or downward spiral. It’s binary.
By identifying one bad habit that holds you back and taking action to decrease or quit, you’re pushing the wheel in the upward spiral direction. Taking responsibility like this, even on something seemingly small, will impact all other areas of your life.
Cutting out a bad habit can significantly improve various aspects of well-being, including increased self-esteem, better mental health, improved relationships, enhanced productivity, and a greater sense of personal control over one's life. Breaking a bad habit demonstrates the ability to make positive changes and manage behavior effectively.
The concept of the habit loop, proposed by Charles Duhigg, describes the cycle of a habit consisting of a cue, a routine, and a reward. Understanding this loop helps identify triggers and develop strategies to replace the unwanted behavior.
5. Slow down
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What message does rushing around like a lizard on energy drinks transmit to others and yourself? That’s right. You’re out of control.
Slowing down physically, right down to your breathing rate, does a marvelous thing. It calms you down while simultaneously making life easier because it’s no longer a blur, and you give off a chill, higher-status vibe.
6. Embrace a simpler life
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There’s an interesting correlation I’ve seen between confidence and simplicity. Simplicity doesn’t necessarily dictate confidence, but by reducing the options we face, the less is on our minds and the more success we will likely see in any one thing.
It’s easy to lose faith and get frustrated when we make our lives overly complicated. Sit down and ask yourself where in your life you can simplify things. You’ll find many ways to do so, and your confidence will rise as you create order in your world.
Embracing simplicity can significantly benefit mental well-being by reducing stress, improving focus, enhancing decision-making abilities, and promoting a sense of clarity.
A study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that this is mainly due to the brain's tendency to favor more straightforward explanations and processes. When faced with fewer options, individuals tend to make more decisive and considered choices, reducing decision fatigue.
7. Tackle one things you've been avoiding each morning
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Many of us feel bad because we’ve got all this crap we have to do that we’ve been avoiding. We lose faith in ourselves, especially when we see that pile of socks growing larger.
Make it easy. Identify one thing you’ve been avoiding that you can tackle in five minutes. Now, you have belief and momentum that will feed into your subsequent actions.
8. Affirm your awesomeness
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Stand up tall, walk to the nearest mirror, look at yourself square in the eye, and say: ‘I am a warrior.’ Say it eight times and feel your inner warrior spirit rise.
Affirming one's worthiness, also known as self-affirmation, can have several positive benefits, including increased self-esteem, reduced stress levels, improved resilience in the face of threats, enhanced coping mechanisms, and even better academic performance.
It allows individuals to focus on their core values and positive aspects of their identity when faced with challenges, and a 2019 study showed that practicing self-affirmations activates brain regions associated with self-related processing.
9. Let go of self-criticism
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As I’ve said many times, confidence isn’t a place to get to — it’s a place to come from. We’re already naturally confident.
It’s just that we cover it with all the critical thinking about ourselves that we entertain. If we believe our thoughts, we will feel terrible and act scared.
Letting go of these thoughts and returning to what’s right in front of you in the present moment is a habit. But it’s vital.
10. Forgive past mistakes
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Many of us hold lots of shame and regret about things we did in our past. We’re slaves to the past and our lack of forgiveness.
To forgive yourself, you need to see why you had very rational reasons for doing what you did. We’re always doing the best we can, given the state of mind we have at the moment.
What were your reasons? Write them down. Understanding is the root of forgiveness, a clearer mind, and thus confidence. Don’t let your life go by without realizing and expressing your brilliance.
Forgiving your past self can significantly benefit mental health by reducing negative emotions like guilt, shame, and regret, leading to improved well-being, increased life satisfaction, and potentially lowering the risk of depression and anxiety. A 2018 study found that recognizing your role in past events is crucial for genuine self-forgiveness but not dwelling on self-blame.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.