8 Good Signs You Give Off Calming Energy, According To Psychology
If these signs sound familiar you are a literal 'chill pill.'
Priscilla Du Preez | Unsplash I have to admit, I’ve spent a pretty sizable chunk of my life worrying about stuff I could have left alone. I’ve learned much over the years about the most relaxed people I know. I combined my fascination for human behavior and my curiosity for living a calmer, more relaxed life.
Here are 8 good signs you give off calming, zen energy:
1. You accept your limitations
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There’s no better way to develop unnecessary anxiety than by succumbing to the false idea that you have ‘insecurities’ that need hiding. If we believe the idea that something’s ‘wrong’ with us, this is judgmental. This puts us under a lot of pressure — the exact opposite of calm.
Calm people accept their limitations, work on the things they can change, and let go of the idea that there’s nothing wrong. Yes — it is a case of letting go and developing the healthy habit of not continually berating ourselves for not being who we think we ‘should’ be. A 2021 study found that insecurity negatively predicts subjective well-being and that hope moderates the association between insecurity and self-control.
2. You don't rush
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Simple shifts in outward behavior have an enormous impact on how we feel and think of ourselves. Chill people don’t rush physically. This doesn’t mean they don’t get stuff done or are layabout hippy types.
It simply means they move at the speed of life. They talk at a pace that doesn’t stress others or themselves. They take it all in their stride. They own time in their calm motion.
Moving calmly and more slowly can be intentional. It can be viewed as a habit that is nurtured. When you move slower, life slows down, too, and everything becomes easier.
Researchers from a 2022 study validate the subjective experience of perceived time pressure as an empirical stressor and a disruptor of executive functioning. While this study focused on inhibition, preliminary evidence suggests that this effect also generalizes to other executive functions like cognitive flexibility.
These results suggest that strategies to avoid perceived time pressure in everyday life could benefit executive functioning: time adequacy was related to high academic performance in college students and improved task-oriented behavior in employees.
3. You remove triggers that make you anxious
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This one seems obvious, but you know why it needs to be included. Even if we get anxious and verbally express our dissatisfaction with it, we can still do things that make us nervous.
You know what those things are. Stop smoking. Reduce or cut out caffeine. Be conscious of the cause-and-effect relationship between certain habits and how you feel. You need to find a way to be okay with dropping bad habits. Understand how the thrill you get from quitting is better than the buzz you get from your ‘fix.’
4. You don't wear exhaustion like a badge of honor
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Sleeping adequately (7–9 hours) is still frequently scoffed at by people who wear their daily exhaustion like a badge of honor. ‘Oh, I’m super-cool because I work out daily, take care of the kids, work four jobs, and sleep four hours a day. Sleep is for the weak.’
Good for you, bozo, but lack of sleep makes you stressed and rapidly ages you. You need to find a way to sleep solid, nourishing hours every night to be truly calm. This is how you perform at the highest level.
Research by the Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine highlighted the critical role of sleep in various aspects of health, including immune function, metabolism, memory consolidation, cognitive performance, mood regulation, and overall well-being, with inadequate sleep linked to increased risks of obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and mental health issues. Studies have shown that adults who regularly get 7-8 hours of sleep per night have a lower risk of developing these conditions compared to those with sleep deprivation.
5. You give up on ‘shoulds’
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Calm people live by this philosophy: No matter what we decide to do with our lives, there will always be challenges, problems, and frustrations.
Living according to what other people want, rather than what we want, is to live out of integrity and is therefore stressful. So, the most chill people go for what they want to do.
They ask: ‘What would I love to create this month?’ And they find a way to make it happen, knowing full well that all kinds of crap will attempt to get in their way and sabotage their efforts.
If they expected it all to be easy, you could be sure these people would be wound up tighter than a toy truck. But they are relaxed because they expect hardship and just roll with it, happy in the knowledge they’ve chosen the thing they want to do, for themselves, not for Sally, or mummy, or Pete, the talkative plumber who thinks he knows best.
6. You make others around you calm
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Here’s a fun little life hack: focus on helping other human beings get what you want, and you will get what you want. So, if you want to feel calmer, focus on helping others feel calm.
Now, your attention is no longer on yourself, which is debilitating, as you know. Your attention is outward. This is what it means to be mentally well. Mental health is to sidestep all the internal stuff about who we are and how we feel. It’s about contributing and bringing joy to others. Open your eyes. Make others calm, and you will be relaxed.
Research studies exploring the ability to calm others often focus on emotional intelligence and empathy, highlighting how individuals with high levels of these traits can effectively soothe others in stressful situations. Studies have examined this in various contexts like healthcare settings, leadership roles, and interpersonal relationships, with findings suggesting that active listening, non-judgmental communication, and understanding others' emotions are key components of calming others down.
Furthermore, research on mindfulness and meditation practices also demonstrates their potential to cultivate the ability to remain calm and support others experiencing distress, according to a study from 2010.
7. You create more than you consume
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We are always in either one of two modes: reacting or creating. Note how they contain the same letters. Reacting at its worst is to respond angrily to something that triggers you.
Notice this happening a lot on the Internet? Yup. Most people are hopelessly reactive, judgmental, and miserable as a result.
Consumption is also often a form of reactivity. Creating is the flip side of consumption and is what humans are made to do. If your life features more consumption and reaction than creating, you’re polluting your mind and soul.
You’re adopting the submissive posture of a follower and a loser. Calmness follows doing what is nourishing and natural and the true expression of what it means to be human: creating.
Research studies generally support the idea that actively creating more than consuming can lead to increased creativity, improved well-being, enhanced cognitive function, and a greater sense of fulfillment, with evidence suggesting an inverse correlation between high consumption and creative output. An analysis by Personnel Psychology explained that this is often described by the brain's heightened engagement during the creative process, releasing dopamine and stimulating neuroplasticity.
8. You stop looking for elusive ‘happiness’
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There’s a difference between pursuing what we want to do in our lives and chasing happiness. Looking for happiness means we’re continually self-evaluating our emotional experience. It’s super self-conscious.
The thing about emotions is this: they fluctuate with every thought we have passing through our skulls. We’re fluctuating beings by our very nature. Calm people stopped focusing on their feelings and perceived ‘happiness’ long ago.
Instead, they put their attention towards creating systems that are biased to action. They create momentum. It’s to be in action, taking the hits, and embracing the suckier parts of life that will create what we perceive to be ‘happiness.’
Happiness isn’t always a good feeling — it’s to be in the trenches, doing what interests us, covered in mud, with a smile on your face.
A 2023 systematic review investigated the happiness construct to arrive at a universally applicable conceptualization of the determinants of happiness across the globe. The happiness determinants are one’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being, having a purposeful holistic encompassing work-life balance, nurturing social relationships, caring for self and others, and being in harmony with one’s culture, traditions, community, and the environment moderated by economic, social, cultural, and environmental conditions that impact individual and societal happiness.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He shares tips on growing and monetizing your brand in his Mastery Den newsletter.