The Most Respected People Always Use 10 Tactics To Influence Others, According To Psychology
Tiny changes that will impact how others see and respect us.
Jacob Lund | Canva Years of awkwardness compelled me to want to learn about what attracts one another. People make judgments extremely quickly about the kind of person they are. This means there are tiny tactics we all can learn that will influence how others see and respect us.
Luckily, the ability to influence others isn’t just an innate ability that some are born with; it is a skill that you can learn. Influencing others makes your life easier and is an essential tool for success. The truth is that we are all influencing one another all the time, whether we know it or not.
The most respected people always use these tactics to influence others:
1. Speak deliberately
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Many of us talk quickly for many reasons, including being jacked up on coffee and excited about what we’re saying.
There are nuances here, as always, and sometimes it’s a good thing to speak at a similar pace to your counterpart.
But the message this often transmits is you aren’t comfortable in your words. It’s like grabbing a hot cake and throwing it back quickly.
When we give ourselves time to speak, finding the right words becomes a lot easier, putting others at ease, and people will have more faith in what we’re saying.
2. Remain focused
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Being attentive to someone in person and listening is not a submissive act. Scrolling your phone while in conversation doesn’t make you look cool.
It makes you look like a child. Be there with someone. Demonstrate your interest and be genuinely interested. Presence has a power to it. This will attract people to you like little else.
Demonstrating interest in someone significantly influences their behavior by making them feel valued, increasing their self-esteem, and fostering a stronger connection, which can lead to greater openness, cooperation, and positive interactions with the person showing interest.
A 2018 study showed that simple nonverbal cues like maintaining eye contact, leaning in, and nodding can effectively convey interest and encourage positive interactions.
3. Don't be too agreeable
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If I’m speaking with someone, and they nod along enthusiastically to all that I say, and they rarely disagree, I can’t help but lose interest. This doesn’t mean you need to be combative and unpleasant.
But agreeing to everything and everyone is like adding water to paint. It dilutes who you are in my eyes.
4. Actively listen
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I see this happening at a seemingly increasing rate in the modern, distracted age. This is frustrating if I’m speaking and you can’t wait to interject with your opinion as I’m talking.
Yet this appears to be tolerated by many. The speaker might allow you to trample all over their comments, but deep down, they don’t respect you for this.
Let others finish their thought, and be okay with silence in a conversation. Cutting in demonstrates we lack faith in our own words. Why?
Because we are continually compelled to prove ourselves, rather than relaxing and giving the other space, which is a leadership move. Active listening significantly influences someone by making them feel heard, understood, and valued.
This can lead to positive outcomes like increased trust, improved rapport, greater willingness to share information, and a more positive perception of the listener. Ultimately, it enhances interpersonal relationships and positively influences their behavior.
In therapeutic settings, a 2023 study found that active listening is a cornerstone of effective treatment, allowing clients to feel validated and work through their emotions more effectively.
5. Channel light-hearted energy
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I’ve been guilty of this because I can get in my head and over-analyze. Find ways to enjoy yourself, no matter the context.
Don’t be the guy who brings the heaviness and sucks the energy out of a room.
This happens when you’re judgmental in mind and spirit. Be light-hearted, and focus on lifting those around you.
6. Say what others won't
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‘High flame’ means using courage in your communication. Speaking your truth. Being willing to say what others might avoid.
This depends on how far into a relationship you are with someone, and different contexts determine the appropriateness of chosen topics.
But if you’re continually avoiding ‘edgier’ issues or tougher words to avoid offending, you will be seen as merely ‘nice.’ That’s okay, but is ‘nice’ the legacy you want to leave?
Saying what others won't can influence people by tapping into their desire for originality, a need to stand out, and a perceived sense of authenticity.
A 2019 PLoS One study found this often leads to increased attention and potential persuasion, mainly when the message presents a unique perspective or challenges the prevailing opinion. This phenomenon is usually linked to minority influence and the power of dissent.
7. Avoid people-pleasing
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If you’re quick to drop everything to help us, you might be pleasing, but what else does it say about you?
Pleasing others is not the same as maintaining self-respect. This is a hard lesson for many to learn. We all grew up knowing the rewards of pleasing parents and teachers.
This doesn’t apply in the adult world. Pleasing others at the expense of your integrity and freedom is not empowering. Instead, honor yourself first.
If you do decide to help others, make sure you both gain in the process: i.e. you do it out of a genuine desire to help, not to impress.
8. Become truly self-aware
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Being overly conscious of how I was coming across and what I was saying was a problem for me growing up. When speaking with people, I’d continually judge what I’d said in a bid to be liked.
This self-monitoring meant I was never IN the conversation — but rather in my thoughts ABOUT the conversation. Ironically, this puts us at even more of a performance disadvantage, and you will lose people.
Self-awareness significantly influences how individuals interact with others by fostering empathy, improving communication, and enhancing interpersonal relationships.
A 2022 study published in the European Journal of Developmental Psychology concluded that more self-aware people are better at understanding their own emotions and can, therefore, relate to the feelings of others more effectively. This leads to stronger connections and positive social interactions.
9. Let criticism go in one ear and out of the other
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It’s easy to believe that being non-reactive to the criticisms of others is a weak move. Surely, if someone disrespects us, we need to react — to put them down, to assert our strength?
No. Reacting says this: you aren’t comfortable in your skin, and you have something to protect and to prove. This approach is rooted in lack, and people sense this instantly. Instead, smile, tease, make light, and move on.
10. Repeat: The success of my outcome doesn't define me
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In other words: being needy. Humans are very attuned to neediness in other people.
Perhaps we want her to agree to a second date, or we desperately want that client sale. If we’re reliant on a ‘successful’ outcome, it pollutes our behavior in the moment.
We get tight. We take things personally when they don’t go to plan.
Our performance is hampered. It makes us look like we have few options, which immediately decreases our perceived status.
To finish: the common thread is the need to get out of our heads and be more in a present flow.
But if all the above ideas are in our heads, we will not be calm and present. So, absorb what I’ve shared, and come back to this often.
Allow these ideas to become second nature through practice. But when you’re out in the ‘field,’ Let it all go.
Be open to your innate wisdom. You always know what to do next. Relax in the uncertainty of it all. This is how you surprise yourself.
A lack of success, or perceived failure, can significantly influence others by impacting their self-esteem, motivation, and social perception. This often leads to decreased confidence, lowered expectations, and the potential for unfavorable social comparisons, particularly when observing someone close to them struggling with similar challenges.
However, a 2022 study found that the extent of this influence depends on factors like the individual's relationship with the person experiencing failure, the context of the situation, and how the failure is interpreted.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.