Woman Issues Warning For Those Who Think 'Boy Moms' Are Toxic — 'Wait Until They're Boy Grandmas'
As the only granddaughter, her own grandmother's favoritism of the boys was evident.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock We all know that some boy moms can be completely outrageous, doting on their sons while ignoring their daughters.
However, boy grandmas are no better, with some holding their sons and their grandsons on a pedestal. Based on how some boy grandmas talk about their grandsons, people may assume that they do not have any granddaughters even if they do.
One young woman is reflecting on some of her own experiences with her boy grandma, who treated her significantly differently than her grandsons.
The woman claimed that her ‘boy grandma’ favored her grandsons over her as the only granddaughter.
Aly Kima issued a warning to anyone who believes that boy moms are toxic. She has first-hand experience that boy grandmas can be just as bad. In a TikTok video, Kima revealed how having one of these so-called boy grandmas impacted her life.
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The woman's grandmother was once a toxic boy mom.
“My grandmother had three children, two girls and a boy, and she always preferred my uncle,” she said.
“He was the golden child who could do no wrong. He was the oldest and always the favorite.”
Once all of the kids grew up and had children of their own, only one girl was born, and that was Kima. The rest of her cousins and siblings are male. Kima said that her grandmother always made it clear that she favored her grandsons.
As the only granddaughter, the woman said it was obvious her grandmother favored her brother and male cousins.
“She would attend special milestones for my male cousins and my brother and just not go to mine,” Kima shared.
Even as a young adult, Kima said her grandmother’s favoritism has remained at the forefront of her mind. “Something that I remember vividly from when I was really little was she had these stuffed bears, and whoever was sitting next to her got to hold the other bear. I was never asked to sit next to her,” she recalled.
“She was very affectionate with my brother. My brother would always talk about how nice her nails felt because she had long nails. I have no memory of ever being lovingly touched by my grandmother.”
Kima also shared that her grandmother would often buy “extravagant gifts” for her grandsons while failing to get her anything.
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She was also against her granddaughter eating at family gatherings like the rest of her cousins.
“Something that I remember so vividly was a Thanksgiving that we had, and there was a charcuterie board with little cracker breadsticks. I ran over, and I had a breadstick. I was like 7 or 8,” Kima recalled.
“She just scolded me in front of everyone and was saying that it's inappropriate of me.” Kima’s father, who was snacking on the breadsticks in the living room, assured her that she did nothing wrong.
The woman said her grandmother's favoritism was so overt that her parents had to intervene.
“It finally got to a point where my parents had to sit her down and tell her that she couldn't keep treating me poorly,” Kima said.
However, her grandmother insisted that she had not been singling out her granddaughter, and tried to convince the both of them that she had done no wrong. “I remember her pulling me aside and asking me to sit on her lap, and she basically said, ‘I don't know where everyone in the family gets that I don't like you,’ but that couldn't be further from the truth.”
The interaction stuck out to Kima since it was the only time her grandmother had invited her to sit on her lap.
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Now, she cannot help but feel heartbroken that she never had the chance to have a fulfilling relationship with her only living grandmother.
“I do feel like it messed with my head a little bit, especially in my developmental years, feeling like if I wasn't perfect, then I wasn't worth loving,” she says.
“She was the only grandmother that I had that I got to meet who was alive. I really did miss out on that kind of grandmother-granddaughter relationship.”
Kima also has an important message for boy moms who cannot get enough of their sons while turning a blind eye to their daughters.
“If you're a self-proclaimed boy mom and you prefer your sons over your daughters, truly reconsider it because it has generational effects on your kids,” she said.
“Your grandkids just wanna feel loved … and it stays with a person for their whole life.”
There is still an overwhelming societal trend towards parents favoring sons over daughters.
A Netmums survey reported on by The Guardian found that while half of mothers admitted that it is wrong to treat boys and girls differently, 90% of them said they do just that.
They are twice as likely to be more critical of their daughters than their sons, while over half confessed that they feel a stronger tie to their sons than their daughters.
Phys.org noted that since 1941, Gallup polls revealed the American preference toward male children over female children. Data from 2019 confirmed this bias, with 36% of parents admitting they would prefer having a boy and 28% preferring a girl.
There could be a lot of reasons why some boy moms feel this way, whether it has to do with gender stereotypes or how they were raised by their own parents.
However, if parents and grandparents can learn one thing about favoritism between sons and daughters, it’s this: Your daughters will recognize that they’re treated differently, and it could have detrimental effects on their overall development.
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"The experience of receiving more negative reinforcements for stepping out of line than their male counterparts can lead women to view themselves as more needing of censure,” Crissy Duff, a psychotherapeutic counselor, told The Guardian.
“This could be why women are far more self-critical than men, who have a more happy-go-lucky attitude when it comes to making mistakes and moving past them.”
How are we supposed to raise girls to grow up to take pride in who they are when we are constantly knocking them down while putting boys up on a throne?
It is time to break generational cycles of male favoritism so that every one of our grandchildren will feel valued and loved by us regardless of their gender.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.