6 Deep Resentments Wives Have Toward Their Husbands That They're Afraid To Share
Remove the residue of resentment to let love flow.
DC Studio | Shutterstock Resentment is a sure sign of an unhealthy marriage because long-term dissatisfaction clogs your connection and dampens the flow of love.
Resentment is often the reason for divorce to proceed. However, you don't have to let resentment build in your partner. You can unclog your connection by being aware of the common reasons wives grow to resent their husbands and get your relationship back to clear-flowing love.
Here are six deep resentments wives may have toward their husbands:
1. They feel emotionally neglected
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A common deep resentment wives may feel toward their husbands often stems from a feeling of emotional neglect. Many wives long for their husbands to truly "listen" and validate their feelings, but when husbands are problem-solving or appear to dismiss their concerns, wives can feel unseen and unheard.
This resentment builds over time, creating distance in the relationship. While husbands might assume that offering solutions shows support, wives often seek emotional connection and empathy first. A study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy shows how recognizing this difference and actively choosing to listen without rushing to fix it can significantly heal and strengthen a marriage.
— Richard Drobnick, LCSW, DCSW
2. They feel their contributions go unacknowledged
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Resentment is common in divorces, especially when one spouse, still more often than not the wife, has taken on the primary role of home caretaker and parent. At the time of divorce, it’s not unusual for deep resentment to surface if these contributions go unacknowledged.
Wives who have invested years managing the home and taking care of the children may feel their efforts weren’t valued or given the recognition they deserved financially or emotionally. This often stems from a feeling that while their spouse’s career progressed and built economic stability, their work at home, though essential to the family’s wellbeing, didn’t receive the same credit or support.
Research from The Gottman Institute explores how resentment can deepen if they feel the sacrifices they made for the family’s well-being, like pausing their career or taking on full-time parenting, are overlooked in the divorce settlement.
In mediation, it’s vital to create a balanced settlement that recognizes these contributions and aims for fair financial arrangements, which may include spousal support or an equitable distribution of assets. By fostering acknowledgment of each partner's efforts and contributions, mediation can help to lessen resentment and support a more peaceful transition for both spouses.
— Scott Levin, Family Law Attorney Mediator CDFA
3. They feel they're expected to be everything
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Wives complain, "Why can't my husband be my soulmate? Instead, he acts as if I'm his maid, his pleasure robot, and his Mom!"
— Susan Allan, CEO of The Marriage Forum, Inc.
4. They feel their husband makes broken promises
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Broken promises from a husband to his wife can build a lot of resentment over time. Each time he fails to do something he promised he'd do, even when it's something minor, like swearing he'll fix something and then never getting it done, it shifts her perception of him.
She stops believing his words. She gets exasperated by his excuses. Suppose she ends up having to shoulder more responsibilities because he didn't live up to his word. In that case, she may feel resentful and wonder why she married him, as supported by a paper in the Journal of Socio-Economics. That resentment will continue to stew if he keeps making empty promises.
I've heard women complain bitterly about all the unfulfilled promises their husbands made. They question why they stay in the marriage when they have to "do everything myself." And if they have kids, the children will probably see their dad in the same way, which only makes the situation even more unbearable.
— Dr. Gloria Brame, Therapist
5. They feel they carry the full emotional labor load
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Many women resent carrying the emotional load of family life. Though they are often organized and skilled at managing the household, children, and social life, wives grow frustrated when husbands leave these responsibilities to them. A study in the Journal of Family Issues shows how constantly bearing this mental burden is exhausting and a common source of resentment.
— Mary Kay Cocharo, Marriage Therapist
6. They feel they aren't heard
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Do you hear her? Weighed down by her obligations, a woman falls in her home. If someone is there to hear her, but no one cares, does she make a sound?
Years ago, a man wrote a viral article about how his wife divorced him because he left dishes by the sink. What he eventually realized, albeit too late, was that it wasn’t about the dishes. A study published in Human Communication Research suggests it was about how his wife felt unseen and unheard. It was about how his wife believed she didn’t matter to him because if she mattered to him, he would have put the dishes in the dishwasher as she repeatedly asked him to.