12 Subtle Behaviors Of Men Who Are Thinking About Leaving Their Relationship
It isn’t always easy to notice the signs that a relationship is ending.
Velimir Zeland | Shutterstock All relationships have highs and lows, yet having a shared sense of devotion is essential to keeping a partnership alive. If one person loses interest in the partnership, it will likely not last much longer. It isn’t always easy to notice the signs that a relationship is inching toward its endpoint. Still, paying attention to subtle behaviors that might suggest a man is considering leaving a relationship is essential.
While love is the backbone of romantic relationships, it takes more than love to make a relationship work long-term. Lasting relationships depend on mutual respect, trust, and communication — both people in a couple must believe in their relationship to grow together. Unfortunately, the relationship won't last much longer when someone moves in a different direction.
Here are 12 subtle behaviors that might suggest a man is considering leaving a relationship:
1. He’s distracted by technology.
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Most people spend more time on their phones than they’d like to admit, but if a man becomes increasingly distracted by technology, it might suggest he’s considering leaving his relationship. Giving time and attention to the various devices that he used to provide can indicate that he feels less connected to the relationship. Playing video games is an acceptable way to unwind after a long day of work, and watching TV together can be an excellent way to relax, but the more solo time he spends staring at screens, the more he’s considering leaving the relationship.
According to research reported by Psychology Today, “technoference” describes how using technology can interrupt a couple's time together. Couples who reported a higher rate of technoference had lower levels of relationship satisfaction and overall life satisfaction.
Divorce attorney Ronald Bavero shared his professional insight on how destructive screen time can be to relationships. He described one nasty habit, known as “phubbing,” which is a combination of the words “phone” and “snubbing.” Phubbing occurs when a person ignores their partner by being on their phone.
Bavero noted that habitual phubbing decreases marital satisfaction. He acknowledged that phubbing itself might not directly lead to divorce, yet “It certainly can become the tipping point that pushes the relationship over the cliff.”
If a man is so distracted by technology that the relationship suffers, it could be a sign he’s considering walking away.
2. He’s secretive.
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If a man becomes more secretive than usual, it might suggest he’s considering leaving a relationship. It’s almost impossible to feel emotionally connected to someone when they won’t let you in. A man who avoids telling you what he’s thinking or sidesteps questions about his day could be hiding something he doesn’t want you to know about.
Psychologist and marriage counselor Randi Gunther explained that withholding information can often be a maladaptive mechanism of self-protection, especially for someone who had a difficult childhood. Yet Gunther noted that willful disconnection signifies something even darker. Shutting down or giving the silent treatment isolates a person and sends the message that they don’t matter.
Relationships can’t survive without communication and cannot thrive fully without vulnerability. Licensed clinical social worker Terry Gaspard shared that vulnerability is the one emotional quality relationships need to endure.
“Vulnerability helps us feel close and connected to our partner, yet achieve our sense of identity,” she explained. “Being vulnerable allows us to open our hearts— to give and receive love fully.”
Keeping secrets and not being open is a subtle sign that a man is considering leaving a relationship.
3. He’s more guarded.
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Setting boundaries and maintaining your identity is part of having a healthy relationship, but if a man grows more guarded over time, it might suggest he’s considering leaving. He might become more private about his phone use, choosing to text when you’re not around or making sure not to leave his phone unattended. He might change his passcode or lock his computer, which could be a sign that there’s something that he doesn’t want you to find out.
While being private isn’t always a direct indication that a relationship is on the rocks, increased guardedness usually has roots in deceptive or dishonest behavior. If a man stops sharing information like he used to, it could suggest he’s leaving.
4. He doesn’t communicate as much.
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When a man stops communicating, it might suggest he’s considering leaving the relationship. Talking is a core part of what makes a relationship work– After all, if people don’t share what’s on their minds or how they feel, there’s nothing solid on which to base a partnership. It’s not enough to talk about surface-level topics, either. Truly open communication dives deeper than what you did at work or what you want to do over the weekend.
Avoiding meaningful conversations could be a sign that a man is withdrawing emotionally. Dr. Barbara Winter explained, “Communication is a reflection of what's inside.” She shared that struggling to communicate effectively indicates a person's feelings: "The issue is whether they are heard, validated, felt, and acknowledged.”
Dr. Winter noted that open communication is vital to a healthy relationship and that a significant part of solid communication is listening. Saying what you feel, listening to your partner, and having your partner listen to you are all necessary aspects of a strong partnership. When a man refuses to do either, it might suggest he’s no longer invested in the relationship.
5. He withdraws during conflicts.
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Conflict is unavoidable in any relationship, even the strongest ones. The difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship is how couples handle the conflicts that arise. If you notice your boyfriend or husband withdrawing in the face of conflict, it might suggest he’s considering leaving the relationship.
A study from Baylor University examined the two different types of disengagement that occur when couples fight: withdrawal and passive immobility. Psychology and neuroscience professor Keith Sanford, who conducted the study, explained that withdrawal is a distinctly problematic behavior within a relationship.
“It's a defensive tactic that people use when they feel they are being attacked, and there's a direct association between withdrawal and lower satisfaction overall with the relationship,” he said. Sanford noted that withdrawing indicates unhappiness, and while everyone withdraws once in a while, “You see more of that in distressed relationships.”
Habitual withdrawal might suggest a man is considering leaving a relationship since it signifies boredom, apathy, or disinterest.
6. He’s less affectionate.
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Touch is essential in any romantic relationship. Physical affection brings people closer together, so when it seems to disappear, it can be a sign that something’s wrong. While there’s more to sustaining a relationship than how much you touch each other, a lack of affection usually coincides with emotional disconnection.
Dr. Randi Gunther shared that there are four types of intimacy every relationship needs to survive: Physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, mental intimacy, and spiritual intimacy. Yet these forms of intimacy are connected, and without one, the others can’t fully exist,
“When both partners understand each other's thoughts and feelings and how they are communicated in intimate interactions, they will be more likely to respond accurately to each other’s needs and requests,” Dr. Gunther explained.
Being affectionate is more than just kissing and hugging. Affection comes from holding hands while watching a movie on the couch. It comes from rubbing your partner’s back after a hard day. If a man is less affectionate with you than he used to be, it might suggest he’s considering leaving the relationship.
7. He’s emotionally distant.
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A subtle behavior that might suggest a man is considering leaving a relationship is becoming emotionally distant. It’s virtually impossible to feel close to a person who puts up walls and refuses to let you in, which is why a lack of emotional connection can often signify the end of a relationship.
A study from the Journal of Personality examined the link between psychological well-being and a secure attachment orientation in romantic relationships. It found that suppressing emotions negatively impacts people’s sense of stability and overall well-being in a relationship.
Not sharing emotions with a romantic partner often indicates attachment avoidance for both men and women. The researchers noted that having an avoidant attachment style is connected to a fear of intimacy, which means people are less likely to express how they feel.
When a man considers leaving, he often becomes emotionally disengaged, especially as he approaches ending the relationship.
8. He avoids making plans for the future.
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There’s value to living in the present as a couple, but it’s also important to know that you have the same goals for a shared future. If a man avoids planning for the future, it might suggest he’s considering leaving the relationship. This avoidance might show up in subtle ways, like changing the subject every time you bring up something you’re looking forward to doing down the road. He might shy away from committing to making long-term plans, like taking a trip or moving in together.
Not talking about the future might suggest that he’s started the painful process of separating his life from yours. Being non-committal is often a sign of anxiety, but it can also show that he’s unwilling to consider tying his future to your relationship.
9. He changes his appearance.
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As the saying goes, beauty is more than skin-deep, but changing his appearance might suggest a man is considering leaving the relationship. If your man goes from cultivating a cozy wardrobe of joggers and worn-out t-shirts to wearing fancier clothes, it could be a sign that he’s getting ready to move on.
Maybe your man never seemed to care about how he looked, but suddenly, he’s worried about his hairline or abs. This subtle behavior change could suggest he’s considering leaving, as he preens and shakes out his tail feathers to peacock in the wild.
Of course, a lasting relationship is built on way more than appearance or physical attraction. Focusing on fitness or looks doesn't always mean the end is near. People should feel good in their bodies, more for themselves than anyone else. Yet an abrupt shift from barely shaving or moisturizing to having a six-step skincare routine might suggest a man is considering leaving the relationship.
10. He’s less interested in intimacy.
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Physical intimacy plays a big part in romantic relationships — without it, you’re more likely to be friends than lovers. When a man’s interest in intimacy decreases, it might suggest he’s considering leaving the relationship.
A study from the Kinsey Institute established that touch promotes a sense of connection and security in a relationship. The researchers noted that while the amount of intimacy between partners is essential, each person’s perception of whether that intimacy is fulfilling is also a strong predictor of a couple’s happiness.
If a man is no longer invested in a relationship, this might manifest as a lack of interest in intimacy.
11. He spends less time at home.
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Having friends and interests separate from your partner is a sign that you have a healthy relationship, but a man who decides to spend less time at home could be considering leaving. It’s hard to feel close to a person who’s never around. A couple who only sees each other in passing is a couple that likely won’t last very long.
If a man stays out with friends and doesn’t invite you or works later than he used to, it could mean he’s considering leaving. Making excuses not to spend quality time together shows that he prioritizes his independence over the relationship he shared with you, which suggests he wants to walk away.
12. He’s overly critical.
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Being open to feedback and committed to self-improvement strengthens a relationship, but being overly critical suggests that a man is considering leaving. There’s a significant difference between gentle critique and dragging someone down. Psychologist John Gottman noted that criticism and contempt are interconnected issues that often signal the end of a relationship.
According to Gottman’s relationship theory, criticizing your partner is an attack on their whole being. It sends the message that there’s something inherently wrong with their character. Gottman believed that criticism paved the way for contempt, designed to make people feel worthless and unlovable.
If a man starts to focus more on your flaws than the positive traits you bring to the relationship, it might suggest he’s considering leaving.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis, and the entertainment industry.