Mom Concerned After Husband Doubles Down On An ‘Unearned Punishment’ For Their 7-Year-Old Daughter — 'He Said It's The Principle'
His lack of trust in his own young child is concerning.
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock When children are young, they need to be disciplined so they figure out what kind of behavior is acceptable. But this usually only happens when the child has actually done something wrong. It's an important but difficult part of parenting.
One little girl was punished even after her dad found out she had done nothing wrong, and now her mom is concerned.
A 7-year-old was punished when her family thought she stole a dog.
A worried mom took to Reddit after she felt her husband was too hard on their young daughter following an incident with the neighbor’s dog.
“I’m 31 and my husband is 30,” she explained. “Our daughter is seven, and she found a puppy in the front yard and played with it.”
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This sounds like a perfectly natural reaction from a seven-year-old, but the story went deeper.
“Turns out it belonged to our neighbors, who were looking for it,” the mom said. “They accused her of stealing it and my husband gave her extra chores.”
The daughter insisted she did not steal the puppy, and it turns out she was telling the truth.
While additional chores are a reasonable punishment when a child does something wrong, the girl felt it was unjustified.
“She refused to do them, saying she didn’t steal the puppy,” she continued.
As it turned out, she was telling the truth.
“The neighbors came to apologize a bit later, as their son confessed to losing the puppy on a walk when he took its leash off,” she stated. “That’s how it ended up [in] our yard.”
For most, this would have been the end of a strange but true story. Not for this family.
“I came home that evening and my husband explained this,” she said. “He said she should be disciplined for not doing the chores. I said she was right to not accept unearned punishment.”
Her husband had a very different view of the situation.
“He said it’s the principle, and she should listen to her father,” she shared. “I said I would rather die than teach her that she should lay down and accept mistreatment. We argued and he called me unreasonable.”
Commenters thought this woman’s husband’s behavior was a 'red flag.'
Other Reddit users did not easily brush off how this husband and father had behaved when his little girl was accused of doing something wrong.
“I’m not saying it is currently abusive behavior, but it’s got the leanings of possible future abusive behavior,” one person observed. “There is nothing wrong with punishing a child when they actually do something wrong, but there is everything wrong with not admitting to being in the wrong and refusing to apologize when needed.”
Another commenter replied to this with their own thoughts. “Maybe not abuse right now, but he is setting up his daughter to blindly follow male authority and any arbitrary consequences imposed,” they said. “At the very least, it’s creating a vulnerability.”
Yet another user seemed to get to the bottom of the situation with two very important questions: “Why did your husband immediately believe the neighbors when they [claimed] your daughter stole their puppy? Does he believe she has thievery tendencies?”
Is it important to trust your children?
What this commenter was essentially asking was, “Why didn’t your husband trust your daughter?” It’s a good question, especially since she is so young and has likely given them little reason to mistrust her.
Writing for Psychology Today, Ariane de Bonvoisin said, “Trusting my child means knowing who your child is, believing in them, especially if they believe they can do something, not letting your own fears or projections cloud their desire to explore what they are capable of. It means holding a vision for your child of them succeeding at something potentially hard, even where there is some risk involved.”
While your child has to earn your trust just like anyone else, it is important to grant them that trust. This, along with not doling out misplaced punishments, seems like something this father could work on.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.