10 Signs Your Adult Child Is A Narcissist, According To Psychology
Recognizing that they’re a narcissist can help you to set healthy boundaries.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock.com While narcissists often fly under the radar, with little known research on their day-to-day lives and behaviors, parents of one might have to disagree. Not only are narcissists more likely to display self-serving behaviors like manipulation and condescending language, but they’re also willing to compromise close relationships to boost their ego or assert their superiority.
While these parental relationships are profoundly important, as neuroscience research suggests, they inherently bond us with an innate sense of trust; having a narcissistic child can burden you with guilt, make you feel unworthy, and leave you feeling unappreciated as a parent. Recognizing the signs your adult child is a narcissist, according to psychology, can help you to set better boundaries.
Here are the 10 signs your adult child is a narcissist, according to psychology:
1. They act impulsively
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If you’ve noticed your adult child is quick to make large decisions, from jumping into a new relationship to making a big purchase or booking a plane ticket with hours to spare, they might have narcissistic tendencies. More concerned with the outcome of a big life change or decision — the attention from others — narcissists will dismiss the important prelude to making them.
A journal published in the National Library of Medicine argues that narcissist’s overconfident personas and strong egos often push them to make these bad decisions. With a mix of impulsiveness, dismissals of expert advice, and misguided superiority, it’s more likely that they’ll misjudge a situation and make a decision that harms themselves or others.
Failing to take accountability for these decisions can also be a sign that your adult child is a narcissist, according to psychology research, as they’re often shifting blame and harnessing false self-confidence to protect their image.
2. They’re extroverted and sociable
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With an inherent need for attention and validation from others, narcissists often harbor an extensive and ever-evolving social circle of friends, co-workers, and acquaintances.
According to a Psychological Inquiry journal published in 2001, these energetic, sociable, and extroverted tendencies are typical for a person with a narcissistic personality — they thrive off of being valued or admired by others.
As a parent, you might notice this need for external validation early in your child’s life, as they’re often more expressive while talking, have an unsettling assertiveness, and a high energy level.
In adulthood, this can manifest in many ways, but most commonly as a hyper-confidence that tends to inherently attract others, especially ones with deep-seated insecurities that align with a narcissist’s inner turmoil. This is why narcissistic workers often get higher salaries and promotions in the workplace — they’re willing to do anything to please their bosses and paint themselves as the most competent and confident they can be.
3. They lack true empathy
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Despite having better emotional recognition than the average person, according to a Front Psychiatry journal, like being able to pick up on someone else’s sadness or vulnerability, most narcissists aren’t genuinely empathetic. While they might pretend, like the research suggests, to support other people’s emotions, it’s often founded in a self-serving activity like manipulation.
So, while they might be able to recognize and acknowledge other people’s emotions, they’re not willing to support them unless it helps them to support an internal superiority complex or take advantage.
A foundational aspect of our connection with others, it can be difficult to come to terms with a lack of empathy in your adult child as a parent. With damaged boundaries, you’ll only continue to feel the guilt and shame that comes with every interaction, but with the right advocacy you can move forward and harbor a healthier relationship.
4. They feel entitled to your time and energy
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Especially for parents with narcissistic adult children, many people in their lives feel burdened by their constant needs for attention, help, support, and favors. Narcissists feel inherently entitled to everyone’s time, space, and energy, but especially the people they’ve formed relationships within their lives.
Without healthy boundaries for their relationship, these parents will do anything to help their kids but are, more often than not, taken advantage of and shamed. Narcissistic children might even use their diagnosis as a means to guilt their parents, arguing that it’s their fault they need help or are in the situation they’re in.
However, as a research article from PNAS argues, the origins of narcissism in children are multi-faceted and inherently complex. While a parent’s behavior does have the power to influence their children’s lives greatly, it’s not entirely to blame for the presence of narcissistic traits.
5. They’re moody
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With a fragile ego and deep-seated insecurities, narcissists who don’t get sufficient attention or validation from others often struggle with intense mood swings and frustration.
Of course, even when they’re getting this attention from others, the majority of their relationships are inherently superficial — driven by their own needs and manipulative tactics — perpetuating a cycle of isolation in their lives that also prompts moodiness, depression, and anxiety.
6. They use your triggers and insecurities against you
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Considering their ability to read people extends into every situation, many narcissists can use people’s vulnerabilities against them in arguments or conflicts. If your adult child knows you struggle with yelling, they’ll grow louder and louder until they get what they want.
If they’re aware of your insecurities with your body, relationships, or even your job, they’ll be the first to attack those things when you set boundaries, say “no,” or try to call them out for their behaviors.
7. They frequently use swear words or inappropriate language
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Narcissists often use more swear words, inappropriate language, and expletives than the average person, according to studies from the Journal of Language and Social Psychology, not just because they’re more confident and self-assured in their ability to do whatever they please but because they’re looking for attention.
This tendency to swear, whether it’s because they don’t care or are simply looking for attention, is one of the significant signs that your adult child is a narcissist, according to psychology about self-serving behaviors. It can also be characterized by a narcissist's inability to be trusted, even by close relationships like their friends or parents.
They’ll swear on a family member during an argument, even when lying because they don’t care to justify their intentional deception. They’re willing to manipulate other people into thinking they’re being truthful.
8. They ‘love bomb’ you
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While many people only understand “love bombing” or “intermittent reinforcement” in the context of a romantic relationship, it can also appear in platonic and parental relationships.
Narcissistic adult children might give gifts to their parents, spend a lot of time with them, and pretend to support them with conversations, advice, and even forced empathy, but it’s only their means of conditioning.
They want you to feel engaged and, more importantly, in debt to them at every turn, so they’ll use “love bombing” to get in your good graces. This cycle of reinforcement is not only manipulative in every kind of relationship; it’s one of the most evident signs that your adult child is a narcissist, according to psychology.
9. They rely on you for validation and confidence boosts
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According to the book Psychological Perspectives of Praise, some adult children inherit narcissistic tendencies from being “over-praised” by their parents growing up. While it’s rarely the only reason they develop into narcissists, this behavior and reinforcement cycle often continues into adulthood.
Narcissistic adult children will continue to look to their parents for validation and attention, especially when they can’t get it from others — from intense career praise to superficial compliments on their appearance, they’ll yearn for it.
10. They ruin special occasions and holidays
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With a self-serving, “all-about-me” kind of attitude, narcissistic adult children hate to share the spotlight with other people, events, and holidays. They will often sabotage gatherings that aren’t entirely about them.
Whether engaging in attention-seeking activities, talking themselves up to attendees, or generally causing chaos, they’re not shy about setting the tone for events in favor of their need for validation. But don’t call them out for it, as ScienceDirect studies suggest, because most narcissists only grow more agitated when they’re meant to feel embarrassed in group settings.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.